Mental & Emotional Health

Now that I’ve written about the four major types of eating disorders, you may be wondering what you can do if you suspect someone that you care about is living with disordered eating. First, please take your time to think about what you really want to do - this is not a subject to “fix” on the fly.

First, I suggest learning more about eating disorders. Use my blog, use the links, call your counselor, call a hotline; learn more! Learning more can also help you decide whether the emotional & physical behaviors & signs are really the symptoms of an eating disorder. Once you are clearer on their signs, you will be able to think clearer about your concerns for the person you care of.

Then, I suggest looking at nearby resources for help for both the sufferer and for yourself. If you are close to the person you believe is living with disordered eating, you will need to “recover” as well - this is not a one person job.

New Realities offers some questions that you may want to ask yourself before talking with someone you suspect has an eating disorder.
1. Am I the best person to approach her/him?
2. Who is the best person to approach her/him?
3. Do I need to talk to her/his parents, teacher or counselor before I do anything?

The third step I suggest thinking about is how does this eating disorder affect your life. If you are a family member or roommate, you may notice missing food or an extremely clean (or messy) bathroom. You may also notice that your friend doesn’t want to go out and do old favorite activities with you. This may be something you can bring up during your discussion.

Number four on the list of things to think about is examining your own thoughts about body shapes, sizes and dieting. When you understand how you feel about these things, it will help you avoid bringing them into the discussion with prejudice. Keep in mind these are your feelings, not theirs.

The fifth thing you may want to consider is the actual outcome that you want to occur. If you hope that your friend gets professional help, what you say is going to need to be different than what you would want to say if you only want to offer your personal support for their changes.

At a half-dozen, think and decide on what you want to say to them. Write it down if you need to; be prepared. It may sound silly, but if you have your points clarified, you will be able to get your point across clearer.

After you’ve decided what you want to say, you need to decide the best time that you want to say it at. Choose some time where things will be calm and privacy can be respected.

Then, be honest with your feelings. Be as nonjudgmental as can be as well as being as clear & direct as possible. Using “I” statements to focus on your feelings rather than the other person’s problems.

The ninth suggestion you can think about is offering support if you are willing to. You may not, and in that case, please have professional support ready for the person. Don’t try, yourself, to be their therapist, but it helps to have some resources on hand for them.

Breaking into the double-digits; the 10th thing you’ll need to be aware of is denial & anger. Calling someone out, on anything, can lead to denial & anger, but when it’s so personal and health-related, it may be even bigger than you think. Your friend may be relieved that you spoke up and they may be ready to accept your help & support, but if not, it does not mean that your efforts are in vain. You have been heard. Maybe you are the seed that will eventually grow into a large plant. When the person is ready, he or she will remember who planted the seed of change. No fear.

Something else important to think of is that you need to take action if there is an emergency. There are many life-threatening effects of starvation & purging, and it is imperative that you contact 9-1-1 if you believe there is a serious emergency for the person.

The last tip suggested is that you stop the conversation if it is not going well. It is bound to be difficult to have, but if things become a power struggle, just stop; be the seed, not the harvester. Let things set, calm down, and let some time pass before thinking about talking it over again. Overall, remember that you are doing this out of love for your friend, not out of spite or malice. Remind them of this fact even if they get angry with you. One day they may understand.