Mental & Emotional Health

Plenty of people become stressed and depressed in their forties but I wonder how many of them are really having a mid life crisis.

Maybe some people just want out of a marriage and decide they don’t want the responsibility of raising children or get bored of their spouse and job so run away.

Sometimes they run away with someone much younger. It seems mighty convenient that it’s almost expected and accepted that people will go through this crisis because you can always say “Oh that was because I was having a mid-life crisis.”

Does this make running off with someone half your age or abandoning your children ok? Is this something that we are supposed to simply acknowledge will happen and it’s quite alright for people to act like selfish jerks because they’re going through a mid life crisis?

Dr. Richard A. Friedman wrote an interesting article about using a mid life crisis as an excuse for bad behavior.

“The first five years of his marriage were exciting. “It was like we were dating all the time,â€? he recalled wistfully. But once they had a child, he felt an unwelcome sense of drudgery and responsibility creep into his life.

Being middle-aged had nothing to do with his predicament; it was just that it took him 49 years to reach a situation where he had to seriously take account of someone else’s needs, namely those of his baby son. In all likelihood, the same thing would have happened if he had become a father at 25.”(Crisis? Maybe He’s a Narcissistic Jerk, Jan.15, 2008)

I do believe people experience a mid life crisis in the sense that they question things and wonder if they should reevaluate their lives and their goals. This doesn’t always have to involve negative changes like affairs and/or drugs though and can in fact lead to positive changes.

I just don’t think it’s too productive for anyone’s relationship to say “Yeah, it’s alright if you take off, buy that motorcycle, go on drugs and trade me in for a young one with no kids. I’ll hold down the fort while you go sort things out. Have fun.”

Prevention

It’s better to catch these things before they happen by communicating and going for counseling together to avoid further harm to a family. It can work both ways and there’s plenty of run away wives as well. Perhaps some of these marriages are beyond repair anyway so someone had to have some sort of crisis to get out of it.

Encouraging the perception that most will have a mid life crisis because it’s the norm is not a good idea in my opinion because it leads many to have a handy excuse for irresponsible behavior.

Instead of simply allowing the mid life crisis to run it’s course, how about treating the depression first by exploring problems with a counselor, therapist and/or your spouse? It seems a more likely method to avoid divorce but it does take two.

Happy Valentines day all. I guess that wasn’t a very romantic post but I did actually have a wonderful dinner with my husband. I wish you all peace and happiness whether you’re single or married.

• Rena Sherwood is glad she’s single because she has apparently discovered that sex causes headaches. Check out Sex, Orgasms and Headaches for more.