Personal Struggles
So I’ve had a pretty good week … I missed work on Monday but have been on top of things the rest of the week … but today I am feeling weird. I went to bed right after Grey’s Anatomy last night (after crying, like I do every other week I watch the damned show!) but didn’t sleep well. I fell asleep eventually but was wide awake at 1am, hungry! So I ate some graham crackers and had a fitful morning’s sleep until 6:45am. Normally I’m up at 5am taking my time to get ready and do some thinking before I get going. This morning I wasn’t able to do that … so it probably threw me completely, even though I didn’t dwell on it.
I have a bit of a headache from not sleeping well, am having a hard day at work, and just feel low about it all. I just go back from sitting outside in the sunshine during my morning break and doing some writing, and still am not feeling quite myself from it all.
My job is getting me down. I am just spent at it. I am in a cycle of anxiety creating mistakes creating anxiety and so on & so on. It’s incredibly frustrating because I don’t like it (duh) and it’s creating tension for me at my job. I am concerned with finding a new job because I may only be working for six more months (if I get into school) but if I don’t get into school, I won’t be able to handle this job for much longer at this rate. I’ve never been in a position at work that made me feel like this, so I’m really down, and being hard on myself, about it. Any suggestions? I am thinking that even something as simple as changing to move to a different section in my office would help me, but we don’t have any openings right now. I am honestly afraid of getting fired because of how it would look within the hospital system … so I am torn. Argh!
My break is over, and since I’m really really trying to watch my P’s & Q’s, I must get going … but any input, from anyone … would be very helpful … even to just let me know you were reading and felt bad … or that you hated my boss. 
March 17th, 2007 at 10:36 am
I’m sorry. Work troubles suck. I am feeling very similarly about my job right now - like I’ve been set up to fail. The best advice I have for you is to do the best you can do! If you are the type who feels they need to accomplish at least one thing every day, make a list of things you need to do and cross them off as you complete them. That always makes me feel like I’ve been productive even if I didn’t finish everything. Also, my place of work emphasises the importance of having a “best friend at work.” Find someone to confide in and who can help give you perspective.
March 21st, 2007 at 10:12 pm
The other week I read the book “Who Moved My Cheese?” One of the things that caught my attention the most in this short story was the question the main character kept asking himself - “What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?” Good question, huh! My advice - read the book.
Keep you chin up girl - I know you’re capable of so many things (and you’re darn tough).
March 28th, 2007 at 10:38 pm
see a counselor