Is change good?
When you are through changing, you are through. ~Bruce Barton
For most people, change brings about a high level of stress, uncertainty and even turmoil. For me, change brings freshness, difference, and excitement; except when it comes to things that have always been one way changing. On Friday I drove into Corvallis, Oregon; my old college-days stomping grounds, and I was surprised to see the bridge on the way out of town covered in white plastic and black tubing and surrounded by construction equipment. I don’t rubber-neck at accidents (and get quite annoyed at those who do) but I rubber-necked at the bridge. What are they doing to my bridge? That’s the best way out of town! It’s off the main drag in town! What are they doing to it? I was seriously concerned at this change.
As I was early for meeting with my friends I drove over to Borders to do some reading and some reminiscing. The Corvallis Borders is perfect for reminiscing as I spent quite a bit of time during college here. I lived (literally) across the street and although I refused to look at it (maybe for fear that it had changed?) the four-plex I spent two years of my life living in, is visible. I think part of the reason I refused to look at it, (or drive by it, even though it’s faster & I miss traffic) is that I lived there while I was married. It was the first apartment the Ex and I lived in without other roommates. It was the apartment he proposed to me in. It was the first apartment we lived in while we were married. That four-plex holds so many memories for me, and since I’m actually in Corvallis to avoid some memories, I probably subconsciously refused to look at it.
Tomorrow is the Ex’s birthday. For the first time in ten years we are not spending it together. For the first time in a decade, I did not buy him a birthday card or a birthday present and I won’t make him a birthday dinner. I am happy to be divorced. I am happy to be single. I am happy that I’m on my own and am learning who I am, but it’s weird to have this sort of change in my life. I’m sure my birthday (in just a few weeks) will be even stranger for me. I will turn 25. I will be a quarter-of-a-century old. I will be celebrating my first single birthday since I turned 14. It’s weird. It’s absolutely strange to think about that, but also very empowering and evocative as well.
I am going to start my own tradition this year, I haven’t decided what that tradition will be, but I am going to set things up in my head to actually celebrate my birthday. I will spend the day doing what I want and even if I can’t spend money, spoiling myself. I am going to look at free things to do in the city and see if I can’t get some friends to go hang out with me (even though my birthday is on a Tuesday night!) to celebrate. Something good will be coming for me in my 25th year. I am anticipating the change and looking forward to the excitement and newness that I will experience.
What kind of tradition do you think I should start?
mental and emotional health, change, divorce, stress, birthday, traditions, newness
May 7th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Doing something for yourself would be nice, but doing something for someone else would be even better. Afterwards you feel weirdly great, then realize that the thing you did for someone else was actually something you did for yourself.
May 7th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
First of all Happy Birthday - you’re such a young chick LOL.
As for the tradition hmmmmm maybe some sort of ritual throwing away of all the old ideas and things to start the year afresh. Perhaps journaling and then tossing everything on a big bonfire or donating it to someone to signal a fresh start?