I don’t write enough …
So, I read 70+ blogs a day. Yes, over SEVENTY. It’s insane … I know it … but I like it so bugger off. It’s good for inspiring me to write. It’s bad, however, for intimidating my writing habit. I don’t feel as though I’m worthy of the public reading what I write about; even though I’ve been writing here for months, have a solid following and my traffic is increasing (THANK YOU!!). I’ve completed two novels for NaNoWriMo and no one has seen either of them because I’m so scared. I’ve been writing since I was 4-years-old. I have a “Writers Dream, Dreamers Write” shirt from 2nd grade. I was 7 the first time I was published, 9 the second time, and was published multiple more times in junior high and the first three years of high school. That fourth year of high school ruined my desire to continue being published.
Mrs. D was an awful AP/CC English/Writing (four college classes crammed into one year of high school!) who ruined my senior year. She tore my writing apart. She didn’t like me, because I spoke up. I argued with her opinions (did you know that Beloved by Toni Morrison is all about sex? EVERYTHING in it? Yeah, I didn’t either, so I told her that … and she didn’t agree) so she didn’t like me. Those who agreed with her opinions got A’s in the class, their papers weren’t destroyed and they were continually praised by her. I managed to graduate with four college A’s in this class because I worked my ass off “revising” my papers so that they agreed with her and created a situation where I wrote what I want first - and therefore got my opinion out - but then revised it to her criteria so she HAD to give me a good grade. I hated the class because of her.
I stopped writing because I felt like whatever I had to say was going to come back to me covered in red pencil (she used a red pencil instead of a pen … weird now that I think about it), so I just didn’t try. National Novel Writing Month encouraged me to just write … to get 50,000 words out in 30 days. I did it two years in a row, and never showed anyone what I did. (Unfortunately I didn’t do it last November because I just couldn’t get words out.) I write daily in a journal but it seems to just be fluff. Then I read entries in those 70+ blogs, and then I really feel like things are fluff. Lately I’ve been struggling with this more & more, and I don’t really know what I want to do. Do I try and write meaningful stuff, or do I just let things sit as they fall? I don’t even know where to start if I do want to write some meaningful entries.
For those of you around here who write, how do you allow the good stuff to come out?
mental and emotional health, writing, AP/CC English, high school, bad teachers
May 9th, 2007 at 2:30 am
The posts that mean the most to me are stuff I can identify with in some way. It doesn’t have to be about me at all…it could just be a perception I could relate to.
May 9th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
You’re a beautiful, natural writer, always interesting. The tribute to Buddha above is an example. It almost made me cry. (OK, that’s a slight exaggeration, but you get my meaning.) Interestingly, I think this here blog is you in a business suit, sipping tea or something, whereas on your other blog that’s you in your PJs, scarfing some Ben & Jerry’s during the pauses.
May 9th, 2007 at 5:42 pm
Oh yeah, BTW, 70+ is freaking a lot.
May 12th, 2007 at 12:45 am
I had a college professor (actually two who double teamed on me) who made me feel like the most incompetent user of the English Language ever. The first one, who was my linguistics professor, a class that I was forced to take to get my teaching degree, who was under the staunch belief that if you didn’t know the modifier of the adjective, of the verb, with a subject thrown in, then you were not a worthy human being. Also writing must be drafted at least 5 times or it isn’t good. Nobody on this earth has ever produced good writing without 5 draft. She and I got into it a lot, about everything from the views above to her very misguided views on state testing. The biggest blow came though when one of the students in my classes with that professor became my advisor for the Education program. He felt need to tear apart everything I wrote… in front of the class… using my name. He told lies to my mentor teacher, he told me that disagreeing with the first professor was unprofessional of me. I still have not recovered from what he did to me. I was ready to sue the university for harassment… almost did, since they were siding with the professor even though he was breaking the law by defaming me and harassing me. The school changed its tune when I threatened a lawsuit.
I guess, in short, I understand where you are coming from.
May 22nd, 2007 at 1:01 pm
I like your blog. Your writing is good (mine on the other hand is a bit “off the cuff” and unpolished). I think our styles are v. different, but we are v. different as people. I like to focus on what amuses me or inspires me. You should re-read your novels, make revisions where you see fit, and then send them off and see if anyone is interested in them. The worst thing that will happen is no one will respond, but no one is responding with them sitting in a dark drawer in your desk either. Have faith in your writing, throw yourself out there and see what happens. Life is too short to be scared.