Mental & Emotional Health

I think I mentioned to you guys some time back that my husband and I are in counseling.  It isn’t as if we had serious marital issues either.  We simply have some hashing out to do and I generally don’t play fair.  I say that with hesitation.  I mean, no one wants to admit that they are not behaving, right?

Anyway, we’ve been to 3 or 4 sessions together.  One of the issues that we deemed needed some moderating was that our children still slept with us.  I now say the following with fingers, toes, arms, and legs crossed; our children now go to sleep in their bed without tears and fighting.

And, the person who had to make the change in order for that to happen was me.  When the subject was broached with the counselor, his answer came only after a few questions.  The questions were:

• are you sure this is what you want
• are you willing to deal with the immediate negative turn in order to get to the finish line

We answered yes to both questions.  After Wayne explained his version of why the kids won’t sleep in their own room which went something like, "they know if they cry long enough and ask momma, she will give in", the counselor said, "if you are sure you want to make this happen, then the two of you have to find a way to make it work". 

I agreed but with much apprehension.  How long can a momma listen to her babies cry?  Why should she have to if she can sooth them?  And, since they don’t bother me by sleeping in my bed, why am I the one who has to make the sacrifice for it to work?

And, he asked us again, "are you sure you want this to happen".  My husband said, yes, without a second thought.  And, I said, yes, I am willing to do what I have to do in order to make it happen so that in turn my husband is happy.

Between the visits that we talked about this we had made no progress.  I was staying out of it the best I could but after so long, I simply couldn’t take it.  I would find my kids lying in the doorway on the floor of their room.  They had cried themselves to sleep.  They didn’t have to do that, they only wanted me.  They wanted to be with me.  I want them to be with me. 

Finally, I showed my husband research report after report that says "watching TV before bed is too stimulating for children".  Everyone’s advice, aside from the counselors was to get rid of the television.  And, so we did. 

Now, they go to bed, they don’t ask for TV (which was always the source of a huge argument and I know that the arguing was getting them all wild), they don’t take anything to bed to drink with them anymore, not even water.  They don’t have any excuses to come out of their room. 

Formerly they came out once or twice each for more water, then the TV issue, then it was too dark when the TV went off, blah blah blah.

Now, now it is different.  I stayed out of the crying and let my husband handle it.  But, he met me part of the way and allowed the boys to leave the bathroom light on AND to leave their door open.

For now, it’s a win win.

Here’s a link to another family’s struggle with sleep problems.