Dealing With Children’s Anger
Some children are more prone to angry outbursts than others are especially if they happen to have certain conditions or disorders. A couple that comes to mind is ADHD and Oppositional Defiance Disorder.
Understanding that they may need help in dealing with their anger and excusing it are two different things.
If your child is clocked on the head by another child and the parent says, “Oh, he has an oppositional defiance disorder”, that hardly excuses it.
I witnessed something like this happen and it made me angry because there were no consequences given. These children still need to learn from their actions as everyone else does with discipline and consequences.
Seeking professional help is advisable in some circumstances as there are some things that we as parents cannot treat or resolve on our own.
Helping Children Deal With Anger
The biggest way we teach children how to deal with anger is by example or through our actions. Talking is important as well but if the words and actions don’t match, it doesn’t mean much.
- Ways we teach children by example are by having them witness how we react to stresses that normally cause anger. Do we jump up and down, scream and curse or take a deep breath and leave the room?
- Try to teach empathy. I’m aware that this is easier with some children than others because I have a few of them. Talking about their feelings is good but exploring with them how another might feel in the same situation is even better. It’s possible to do this without guilt trips although I don’t claim to have perfected this.
- Make sure that they know that their feelings of anger are ok. It’s the actions that are not acceptable.
- Teach problem-solving skills. Again, one of the best ways to do this is through your actions but talking out ideas and role-playing are also useful.
Once your child has had an angry outburst or temper tantrum, there are various ways to deal with it. Sometimes the method you choose depends on their age.
- Removing your child from the room is usually the most effective IMO, but it’s also important to explain why you’re doing it. Sometimes you may have to actually pick them up and carry them to do this. This way they have time alone to calm down and are not as apt to act out without an audience.
If you have children, what ways do you deal with your their angry outbursts? If you have any more ideas feel free to share.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
“These children still need to learn from their actions as everyone else does with discipline and consequences.”
Yes, they do. It’s the same reason adults with mental illnesses are held accountable for their actions and “punished/rehabilitated/etc.,” i.e. made to stand trial, given prison sentences, placed in psychiatric wards if they’re deemed unfit to stand trial, etc. Waving away a child’s behavior with “Oh, he has an oppositional defiance disorderâ€? seems to me to be setting that child’s ADULT behavior up for failure. Actually, I think that’d apply to all children, having a disorder or not. I’m sorry you witnessed such a situation.
January 28th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Exactly Alicia and if we excuse it when they’re young, it’s a disturbing future for both them and the general public. When children and/or adults keep getting away with actions, they tend to repeat those behaviors. Sometimes they also escalate.
Thanks for stopping by and I’m looking forward to reading more on your site.