Mental & Emotional Health

I have OCD and it was apparent before the age of 8. How do I know this? Because the nurse for my psychiatrist did my intake. Half way through the intake, he stops and says, "Do you still count things?" I was totally baffled as to how he would know this. I had not been around this man since I was at least 8. My OCD manifested itself in counting way back then. So, why didn’t anyone see this 31 years ago?

I suffer from anxiety. I didn’t do this too bad until I reached college. I was the teacher’s kid. I got special treatment. People knew I was a "good kid" who made "good grades" because my father was well-known in the teaching community. Thus, I was given many a privilege just by my name alone. When I entered college, reality slapped me cold in the face. I had no clue that the world was so cruel. And, anxieties set in that to this day I haven’t over-come. Medication helps. Medication helps a lot. Medication helps A WHOLE LOT. Get me. I simply don’t back down on these issues. I’m passionate. Period.

I suffer from depression. I suspect my family situation lent itself to my depressive behavior, I didn’t have a very happy childhood. I suspect genetics lends itself everyday to my depressive behaviors. My mom is depressed and has been most of my life. My father was more of a manic person. Happy as a lark one day, a terribly unhappy sap the next. I am a clone of my father. It isn’t bi-polar, it is simply, depression. My maternal grandfather, my paternal grandmother and grandfather all suffer/suffered from depression. All of my mother’s siblings and one of my father’s siblings suffer/suffered from depression. People, it is in my genes. Just like cancer. Just like diabetes. Just like thyroid disorders. I could go on forever.

My father died when I was 19. I entered a state of depression that would have likely took down most folks. I say that because I’m telling you, my childhood was rough. Let’s just leave it at that. If someone out there wants to challenge me on this, a private email will do, I can settle it. No, I was not homeless or abandoned. It was a plethora of minor offenses that led to depression with me.

Anyway, my father died when I was 19. I’ve already mentioned that my father was important to me. I lived with my father from age 13 to 19. He and my mother divorced when I was 4. He taught me everything I know. I can’t think of anything I learned between the ages of 4 and 13 that was good. I see you rolling your eyes. Just listen.

Two years after his death and I was failing at a major university. My father’s one and only goal was to see that I got my Bachelor’s Degree in something. I chose teaching. He didn’t approve necessarily. I got my degree and I couldn’t care less about it. I still don’t except for the fact that it led to a Masters that I just got last year. So, even still, I give my father credit for that.

So, two years and I’m failing at the very of event of living. I sought help. I got it. I didn’t however get a good doctor. The one I got said, "I believe you are depressed, wrote me a prescription for Prozac and waived her magic wand." It was years later before I hunted a doctor that knew something about my problem. Family doctors simply weren’t getting it. They were writing and re-writing a script that a neurologist years before had started because she had no explanation for my body’s behavior…except depression.

This would get real long if I went into "my body’s behavior" so just trust me again on this one.

When I was 34 I met my present husband. Having tried out three others that didn’t fit me, I found a man who is 100% meant to be my husband. The depression started to fade. I continued my medication. I got pregnant and decided that it was best that I not take the anti-depressants. My doctor convinced me otherwise. I am quoting Kristen over at Motherhood Uncensored here but basically this is exactly what my OB said to me:

But the truth of the matter is, if we don’t take care of ourselves, then we won’t be around to take care of our kids.

Yes, I purposefully sought out a female OB. She got it. She understood. She put me on a different medication. Which family doctors continued to write without asking any questions after we moved a state away when I was 38 weeks pregnant.

We moved home and I found a psychiatrist who KNOWS HIS STUFF. It took a while. He didn’t automatically find the write medications and the right doses immediately. I would say it took close to 7 or 8 months. No, really it did. Now, I exist on a small dose of 2 different medications. One specifically to treat depression; one specifically for anxiety. And they work. Both are long term drugs. Neither are of the "let me go get a pill for before I go crazy" variety. I have those. I rarely need them. I rarely need them because………..I TAKE MY MEDICATION THAT WORKS ON THE IMBALANCE. Simple.

People who don’t know…simply don’t know. I don’t mean to sound like I’m preaching, I’m simply trying to help you understand. Notice I didn’t say I was trying to MAKE you understand, I can’t make you. I simply want you to try.

I will hang on tight to the following statement and I’ll tell you again that it is a direct quote from Kristen AND an OB in Gainesville Florida…..

But the truth of the matter is, if we don’t take care of ourselves, then we won’t be around to take care of our kids.

How does that old saying go…….walk a mile in my shoes

I was reading about a 37-year-old Ukrainian man named Leonid Stadnyk, who at 8 feet 5 inches tall is the word’s tallest man. His unusual height came about from an over stimulated pituitary gland that was the result of an operation on his brain when he was 14.

He lives in a house in a small village with his widowed mother. Since he doesn’t like the spotlight, he has mostly kept to himself but it’s hard not to be noticed when you’re that tall.

After refusing several times to be measured by the Guinness world book of records, he finally succumbed. Although he enjoys solitary activities like gardening, he is appreciative of the support since it has helped make his life, home and family more comfortable.

Leonid has received the world’s biggest bicycle and Ukraine’s president has given him a special oversized car. He was also given a computer so has developed many supportive online friendships.

Previously he went through some hard times since he had to quit his former job at a cattle farm as a veterinarian after getting frostbite from walking to work in his socks. He couldn’t afford shoes for his huge feet. Another health problem for Leonid is knee pain and he sometimes needs crutches to help support his 440 lb frame.

Garden Therapy

“I do not smoke, do not drink. Every penny I can save I spend on buying seeds and seedlings. The garden is a place for me. Height doesn’t matter there,â€? said Leonid (Too Tall to Be Happy)

There is no judgment in the garden. Gardening is good therapy and I find it peaceful and empowering at the same time.

I only got into it in the last couple of years and at first grew a few flowers in the front. Then I dug up a strip in our small back yard and planted some herbs and vegetables. Some of them fizzled out but some thrived. Thankfully my mother and a few of my friends were around to advise me and each year is more successful.

It doesn’t matter what you look like or what you know or where you’re from in the garden because we can all make things grow.

• For more information on Leonid see the video “World’s Tallest Man Has Trouble Fitting In” and Wikipedia’s page on Leonid Stadnyk.

• See Portable Garden and Horticultural Therapy for garden therapy resources.