Mental & Emotional Health

Honestly, I’ve always loved going places.  But, not necessarily because it was relaxing and what not, I just love seeing new sights and learning about new places.  But, the experts, whoever they may be, will all say that a good vacation (even if it is one that doesn’t involve actually traveling) is really good for you.  You can have a vacation and never leave your home.  And, honestly, those kind are probably more restful than the kind where you spend all your time sight-seeing, but I really do love to go places.

We’ve found in the past that going to the beach in the off-season is really awesome.  The reason is because there’s just not much to do but relax.  You can let the kids get in the sand and play but the water is usually too cold, unless you can find a place with an indoor heated pool.  And, even still, my kids like standing on the balcony watching the waves crash.  So, thus far in-season or off, that’s been our vacation spot of late..the beach.

This time, I chose to go to Gatlinburg, Tennessee.  Why?  Well, because my children were begging to see and play in snow and we certainly weren’t going to find that on the beach.  The thing is, a few days before we got there, it was in the 70’s.  So, the first few days were really kind of mild.

The first few days the boys insisted on wearing their tboggins and gloves.  They didn’t need them but were so excited at the prospect of snow that they wanted to wear them.  Then, when it did get cold enough that they needed them, the novelty had worn off.  So, we really never saw snow but we did get on top of the mountain and see some fake snow, some skiing and what not but it was a really expensive vacation.

And, now I need a vacation to get over that vacation.  I spent today unpacking our bags, folding clean laundry and doing dishes that we left before vacation as well as putting away the Christmas "stuff".  Tomorrow we will hopefully finish putting away all the Christmas hoopla and get the house back in order.  Wayne goes back to work on Monday and Walker back to school on Tuesday.

So, vacation time is over and it is truly time to hit 2009 with the big guns.  A vacation to get over my vacation…that’s what I truly need.

I mean c’mon please, if you aren’t over-weight, or obese, you don’t get it.  I started walking on my treadmill three weeks ago.  And, after one day, I came down with a horrible sinus infection.  So, I didn’t exercise again that week.  The next week I walked 2 days and then I earned this horrible crick in my neck.  I’ve been down ever since.  I finally gave up today and saw my general practitioner so that I could get a specialist to see me.  But, that’s a long drawn out process and it will even be the first part of next week before I can even get the initial x-ray.

One x-ray to warrant an MRI to start the process of going to see a specialist who is probably going to order yet another MRI.  And, this about where my insurance starts acting crazy because gah, all these MRI’s.  I just had a brain MRI this week, nothing there…ahahaha, ,old joke, always funny. 

But, really, the brain is normal and the sinus’s were clear.  That means that this horrible knot on my neck and this horrible ear pain and arm weakness on the same side are not related to sinuses.  And, so I guess I spend the weekend doped up on muscle relaxers yet again…which is what I did last weekend.

I’m telling you, it’s hard to work when you can’t hold your head up and even I get tired of sleeping.  Anyway, I’m over-weight and every time I make good on my promise to myself to get back to exercising, something happens to mess me up. 

Now, if you had experienced all this crap in the last few weeks, you too would probably be suffering psychologically as well.  And, by suffering emotionally from the physical pain, my weight continues to be an issue.  Does that make any sense at all?

On Thursday my husband and I have an appointment with the marriage counselor.  However, my husband a dentist appointment, remember me talking about that over here.  So, I am going alone.  I am so excited to be going alone that it is silly.  Our last session was one with the four of us.  Yes, I said, four, as in we took the 2 children and we were able to hash through some parenting issues, the sleeping issues and just general stuff. 

This Thursday, I get to chat with him alone.  I suspect that Wayne will want to go alone as well at some point.  And, so it is with much anticipation that I await my appointment on Thursday, after all, after I medicate my husband and get him to the dentist before he can find a reason to cancel, I’ll need some motivation for tolerating his child-like behavior afterwards.

And, so….come Thursday…

I’m running a series of posts regarding children and their emotional and mental well-being as well as their physical well being.  I’m going to link to them but realize that some of the links won’t work until much later in the week.  But, the reason I believe they are appropriate here is this quote in The Case Against Homework by Sara Bennett and Nancy Kallish which I reference quite frequently in those posts simply as TCAH.

The premises is hard how children are being pushed in our world today.  There is much discussion about homework and children losing their childhood to school work instead of playing in the dirt or running around the playground.  Here’s the quote and it is in reference to children being pushed to score well on standardized tests.

"….Each year, up to twenty test booklet have to be discarded per day because children have thrown up on them"

Are you reading that?  They throw up over a standardized test that measures basically nothing.  While are we emotionally allowing schools to bully our children like this.  Here’s the other links and I’ll date them for you as to their availability.

September 28, 2008 - The Time is Now

September 28, 2008 - More of my silly comments about homework

September 29, 2008 - Some More ADD - TCAH - My Own Child

September 29, 2008 - Let me tell you a little story

September 30, 2008 - Here, Here, I say, here, here

September 30, 2008 - Oh and another real life story

September 30, 2008 - Oh and One more thing

October 1, 2008 - I Hope This is Not What My Future Holds

October 1, 2008 - The Case Against Homework - The Homework Potato

October 2, 2008 - Don’t even get me started on sleep

October 2, 2008 - Another Personal Rant

Listen, I don’t mean to keep talking about myself here but no one is giving me anything else to buzz about, so again today, you get me.  As I’ve written already, I’m changing my medication (not necessarily I but we meaning the doctor and I) from Cymbalta which toted a hefty $60 co-pay to Prozac which is only $15.  It seemed like common sense.

I’ve been on Cymbalta for several years now and I hated to rock the boat.  We were just flowing along so nicely.  But, monetarily, $60 is just a lot of money when you consider the costs of other drugs that we require around here. 

So, Cymbalta is out, Prozac is in.  Prozac was the first anti-depressant I ever took and when I started it, I don’t recall any side-effects.  For instance, when my husband first started his anti-depressant medication (Lexapro), he had plenty of side effects which eased up as the week wore on.  But, when I started Prozac, I don’t remember any such issues.

But, now, switching from one to the other has kept me down.  I’m dizzy, I’m lethargic, and I’m a little grumpy.  Not as grumpy as I once was without medication, but the change over has been difficult.  I just hope it works out for the best and I haven’t wasted this week for naught. 

Stay tuned and we shall see…

No one likes to hear the words "mental health" when they visit the doctor.  We all like to think that we are fine just like we are.  I spoke to a friend this weekend who indicated that her son used the same therapist/psychiatrist that I use.  She finished it off with "but don’t tell him, he will have a fit".  See, it’s folks like him who haven’t come to grips with the fact that chemical imbalances are normal.  Diabetes, thyroid hormone just to name a few are diseases that people would never put off treating, yet when you say the worlds "mental health", you lose a lot of people.

Some people are so afraid of hearing the words "depression" and "anti-depressants that they just simply don’t talk about their problems at all.  There in lies the problems.  You know, if you won’t admit you need help by even talking in confidence with a friend, then you are most likely not even willing to admit that a chemical imbalance exists.

I spend a big part of nearly everyday reading blogs of women who are either pregnant or just gave birth and their hormones are raging.  Another group of women that I chat with and read their blogs are women who find themselves at home with kids, working for home (weather it is job that has a signature and paycheck or if it is the job of 100% raising children, it’s work, don’t demean that, please) and their hormones are causing mood fluctuations and they have to find a way to cope.  

Some women, like me, realize that my body isn’t perfect.  I truly believe that God gave man the ability to learn so that doctors would exist to help patients like me.  So, give them an opportunity to do that, help you.  If you need help. you are doing no one any favors by ignoring it.  Go now, go look deep into yourself and decide if you think you are ignoring a very critical part of your health…your mental health.

I am a sleeper.  I’ve always been a sleeper.  I make jokes with people about it because it is quite spectacular to see just how much I can sleep. I once had a roommate that wouldn’t leave me alone about joining her and her friends for movies and pizza or just drinking beer and watching ball games.  I never could make her understand, I enjoyed sleeping.  I finally telling her that I wasn’t really sleeping, I was meditating.  I swear, for me, it was just as healing as meditation.

I’ve made jokes over the years about how the life in my dreams is better than the one in reality so why not sleep when I get a chance.  People simply dismissed it as depression and medicated me.  As you may or may not know, most anti-depressants may have a sleepy effect.  So, that wasn’t always a great idea.

For some one who could sleep as much as I could, I had problems going to sleep and then, I’d wake all during the night.  It was ridiculous.  For many years I took over the counter sleep aids, then I graduated to prescription medications.  The problem remained.  I’ve tried a variety of the popular sleep medications on the market, prescription and non-prescription.  The anxiety I have though was much stronger than the any sleep aid out there. 

Ambien made me hallucinate.  And, I tried it several times over a five year span and I would always return to the same hallucination.  It really was nutty.  So, doctors would keep playing with sleep inducing drugs.  But, as I’ve told you several times, I found a doctor who specializes in chronic pain as well as mood disorders, emotional disorders, etc.  He really has been great for me.

He is the person who convinced me to go to the Sleep Clinic.  I do indeed have sleep apena.  And, I don’t take a sleep-aid to go to sleep, I take a very strong dose of a drug used to treat bi-polar disease.  I am not bi-polar, but I do have such a high strung personality that it takes a drug that strong to settle me into sleep.  The first night at the sleep clinic, even with the drug I normally take, I never entered the deepest zone of sleep.  The technicians were in awe.  He jokingly said that I also managed to run about 10 miles.

I returned to the clinic with doctors orders for a sleep apnea machine.  That night I entered the deepest zone of sleep approximately 45 minutes before time for me to get up.  However, I wasn’t waking 15 or 16 times an hour from sleep apnea and I managed to run a much shorter distance.  Success?

By most folks standards that would probably not be success.  I mean, I still have to take a drug that is made to treat a completely different illness in order to go to sleep, I have to sleep with the aid of a CP machine and I take a medication to curb the restless leg syndrome.  But, in my world, the fact that I make into a deep sleep every night means I rest more than I ever have before.  The legs remain still and it doesn’t take me hours upon hours to go to sleep.  (I remember having insomnia as early as age 8).

So, if any of this sounds familiar to you, please find yourself a good doctor, and a sleep clinic and get yourself taken care of.  I still love to take a nap.  I can be wide awake and plowing through my day and if someone suggest we quieten down and nap, I’m all over it.  I simply love to sleep.

The best I can tell, I was born to be a sleeper and my job is to dream.  As of late, I’ve been dreaming pretty doggone big too.  So, it can’t be all bad now can it?

This weekend was the most unproductive weekend I’ve experienced in ages.  We have done nothing that even remotely resembles work, other than what I’ve done tonight after say, 7pm.   That’s pretty good, wouldn’t you say?

Now, our grass is way to high for my comfort, laundry is piling out into the kitchen, garbage needs gathering for morning pick-up and the dishes haven’t been washed in so long we bought paper cups today.  But, we felt good…really really good.

My had take-out Friday night, I ran some errands yesterday morning (with my mom so it was relaxing), took naps in the afternoon, went to the county fair last night, slept til 11 AM this morning, had lunch at the local mom and pop place, napped til 5 and then played with the boys and they headed off to bed while me and the hubs have worked a little and watched TV alot.

So, what was so great about that you say?  Well, for over a year we spent all of our waking hours working on daycare things.  We closed it in July and it has taken us this long to come off of that rush.  We’ve just kicked back and enjoyed it.

They call that healing…..in my mind, it was much physical healing with all the sleep I did, but the emotional healing of not fretting over time and money and grocery store lines - that was awesome.  And, mentally, the anguish of money and money and how to prepare for the week ahead. 

So, yea it wasn’t Sexual Healing but so far, every other kind of healing I can think of has happened right here in my little ol’ house.

I have mono.  I’ve had it for what seems like an eternity.  I was diagnosed in late July.  At that time my doctor informed me that "you probably won’t feel really good again to after Halloween".  At which time, I collapsed into a sobbing heap on the floor and asked for healing.  I’m not kidding.  At that point, I was so deathly sick that I couldn’t imagine being that way for 3 more months.  My spleen was so swollen that I was having a great deal of pain under my ribs.  It wasn’t pretty.

I was told not to exercise or do anything strenuous.  Never mind that the weekend before that I had packed up our entire daycare and put it in storage over a weekend span with about 8 hours sleep.  Pulling, tugging at heavy equipment, cleaning and doing what I thought was necessary.  So much for "nothing strenuous".  Anyway, the end of that week brought me back into the doctor’s office with terrible kidney pain.  I passed a kidney stone about a week before that and now my kidney’s were just plain not acting.  The response of a too large spleen?  Maybe, maybe not. 

I spent the weekend in the hospital.  I come home and spent my 3rd or 4th, who was counting, week in bed.  All day, all night - in bed…tired, emotional and weeping a lot.  Oh and the pain, the pain under my ribs from the spleen.  That was pitiful.

Moving past the week in bed, I had two weeks where I felt pretty normal.  Things were just happily moving right along when BAM, I went down again.  I was back in bed for 4 days thinking I was dying.  How in the heck could that be?  We were getting ready for a vacation the next week and I couldn’t stand the thoughts of being sick while at the beach.

That was two and a half week ago.  And, yesterday, yesterday I went down again.  I was trying my best to hold my head up while sitting in the recliner trying to work.  My son had free reign of the house until about 11 when I forced him to take a nap with me.  We slept til 2′ish and then got up and retrieved my oldest son from school. 

Today, we did school drop off, canceled my marriage counseling appointment because there simply was no way I could get there.  Honestly, if I had been showered and half way decent, I might could have made the drive or found someone to go with me to drive and watch my three year old.  But, the very thought of showering, blow drying this head of hair, getting dressed and the driving 30 miles to the appointment, staying there an hour and 30 minutes drive time home - well it was just too daunting.  So, I canceled.

Emotionally I’m not in as big of a funk as I was when I was first diagnosed.  Well, for the most part I am doing fairly well emotionally.  But, the mental fatigue that hits you with mono is unbelievable.  When I was diagnosed I was told that I had probably been sick for about 6 weeks.  That’s when I put all the vague mental pictures together.  The places where I couldn’t keep up with what day it was, who was suppose to be working at what time at the daycare and when to do payroll. 

That fog lifted after the first bout, the second bout I did ask my mom nearly every day and sometimes 2 or 3 times a day what day of the week it was.  I didn’t try to work so obviously the fog wasn’t so bad.  Or at least I interpreted it to be not so bad anyway.  This time, emotionally I’m fine and mentally I’m better than I was the other 2 episodes, but I do find that time just slips away from me and I have no idea what I’ve accomplished.  No, I do know, I haven’t accomplished much.

So, it is looking more and more like the doc was right it may very well be after Halloween before I start feeling better on a regular basis.  And, if that is the case, look for me to be a little sporadic with my posting.  I isn’t intentional, it just happens as a side effect of mono.

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If you read Mom is Teaching, you know that I have a newly initiated kindergartener and I have been newly brought to the generation of "mom help me do my homework".  Wait, I’ve just now been brought to the idea of homework for kindergarten children and I can promise you, I don’t like it.  I’ve been reading a book by Sara Bennett and Nancy Kalish entitled, The Case Against Homework and I can tell you this, I can see myself getting active in this movement and quick. 

When I first started reading it my mind was on the fact that my child is only in kindergarten and he won’t have homework.I thought I would mark these ideas and strategies so I could use them later when homework piles up too high.  Then, the next thing I know…..my five-year-old is bringing home papers marked, "homework - please sign and return".  I almost hit the floor.

But, the place I would like to take you for this blog, Mental and Emotional Health has to do with the fact that parents are made to feel that this is as much their homework as it is the child’s.  I did my own homework through 12 years of school, 4 years of undergraduate and 2 years of graduate.  I don’t need to be re-learning that sounds, ba, ca, ja.  It is absurd.  So, after I thought about it a little, it was as if a brick hit me in the head.  Why is it that parents are expected to help their children with homework?  No, the real question is why do they have so much homework and why does a kindergarten child have homework, but that’s for another day on another blog.

My point here is this, I’ve been listening to parents for years discuss how much homework their child has and how it takes "them" (as in, the parent and the child) hours to do the homework at night.  And, immediately I think back to my own childhood.  I don’t remember my parents helping me at all unless it was an occasional quiz on  spelling words once in a while.  And, I do mean once in a while.

But, people, here is what is happening.  These kindergarten children are being sent home with homework that they can’t possibly do alone.  So, the parents have to sit down and help the child with the work.  For the coming months the child becomes more and more able to do the homework alone, but the parent still has to intervene to some degree.

First grade starts and the parent just picks up where he/she left off, sitting at the table fretting over the child’s homework.  And, if he/she doesn’t, the child doesn’t do it.  Why?  Because he/she is already dependent on mom/dad being right there to help them each step of the way.  So, it takes the child longer to finish.  And the next night, mom/dad decides it is just easier to help the kid.  Fast forward and the kid actually needs no assistance at all but not only is the child dependent on a parent to walk them through the steps, he/she has dance, baseball, football, cheerleading, etc and there is not enough time for the child to do anything outside of school AND get all of his homework done. Since he doesn’t get it done as quickly when mom/dad are sitting right there with him/her, it creates stress on the parents and the child.  And…. 

Now, look what has happened.  Mom/Dad is doing the homework so the child isn’t sitting up half the night doing it. How does this relate to mental and emotional health?

Well maybe it isn’t as clear to you but it relates in many ways.  The child is dependent on a parent who is already being pulled in many directions.  Emotionally the parent has all he/she can handle and doesn’t need an emotional breakdown by the child, thus we have a problem.  Mentally the child has become dependent on the parent to sit with him/her in order to get each and every step of the homework complete. 

Makes senses to me, how about yourself?  And, don’t even get me started on children who are medicated and the medication has worn off by the time the parent gets around to helping with homework. Or worse yet, did the kid need the medication in the first place.  I actually have some first hand knowledge on this one as well if you want to read about it here on Thursday of this week.

Discuss.

I don’t know how many of you have even heard of the book The White Trash Mom’s Handbook by Michelle Lamar and Molly Wendland but if you need to do our best to get your hands on a copy of this book and read it.  You may wonder how it has anything to do with Mental and Emotional Health.  Just keep reading, I’m going to tell you.

I remember distinctly being bullied in school.  I was bullied for all kinds of reasons.  I was bullied because my parents weren’t married to each other.  So, don’t think for one minute that your child and his peers know nothing about you and your partner/spouse/significant other.  These kids are sponges and they are absorbing everything they see and hear.

I’ve known for 5 years that my child would start school in August of 2008.  One of my goals was not to be labeled in a way that would embarrass my children.  When we had our Christmas photos made professionally in 2006, I told my husband that I was "losing some weight before next Christmas because I’m not hiding in the back for every Christmas photo we have made". 

Guess what?  I didn’t lose any and I actually gained (which I now know is the result of diabetes and thyroid) a little weight.  So, when Christmas professional picture time came around in 2007, I hid in the back again.  At that time, I told my husband, "I’m losing some weight because I do not want Walker to have to deal with other kids saying that the fat woman is Walker’s mommy."

Do I really think kids will do that?  Your doggone right they will.  I don’t think for one minute that the kids won’t notice and I  know from experience that they will make fun of me and in return make fun of my son. 

And, you know what happens when you mess with one of Mama Bear’s Cubs, right?  Yea, Mama Bear gets angry.  But, I did lose but approximately 10 pounds and thus far I’m not doing a very good job at trying. 

But, as son as I am given the thumbs up from my doctor to go ahead and exercise (remember I have mono), I have a treadmill in my living room just calling my name.  Yup, I may have to hide in this year’s Christmas photo too but next year, not a chance!  And, my children’s peers aren’t going to label me as "the fat woman" forever.  I can promise you that.

If you read any of my other blogs you know that I talk about going on vacation about 20 times a year.  Normally I"m just dreaming of some exotic nice place and sometimes I dream of the places that are familiar.  I knew we had a vacation coming and I was all set to go to Myrtle Beach.  We had never been and it was going to be a blast. 

The more we discussed our vacation spot, the more restless we both become.  This last year owning our own business and then my husband being involved in 2 big projects this spring and summer that caused him to work 12 and 14 hour days for about 20 days at a time, took a terrible toll on our family.  We were ready for a vacation.

Finally, I was the one who said, "would you rather just go somewhere that we know about and simply relax?"  I knew that if we went to a vacation spot we had never visited before we would want to take in all the sights.  And, honestly, with a 3 and 5 year old, sometimes that is terribly unrealistic.  So, the vote was unanimous, we would go somewhere that we knew a lot about (me more so than him, but at least we know what’s what and what’s where). 

The decision was a place I had visited since I was as young as 2.  Panama City Beach, Florida.  I have vivid memories of going there as a child with my mom and dad and then just my dad as I got older.  Then, as a teenager I visited quite often with other teenagers.  Let’s just say, even though a hurricane wiped the place out a few years ago, I know my way around.

None of that was the point I was after, but that’s what happens with me, I talk too much have too much to share.  We will be leaving in a couple of hours, taking or time since check-in isn’t til 4.  We are stopping at our favorite restaurant in Birmingham (P.F.Changs - any Chang lovers out there?) and then maybe our children will sleep a big part of the way with a full tummy.

By choosing to go somewhere familiar, we take out the factor of trying to run and see as much as possible in our 6 days.  Instead, we will hang out in the condo, go to the kiddie pool that has a lazy river and a huge children’s wading area.  We will go down on the beach and play in the sand.  We will go to the condo and do our kindergartener’s school work for the day while the little one takes a nap.  We will go back to the beach and pool. 

We will relax.  We are not running ourselves all over the place.  We will only go to the places that we know are good and we won’t waste money eating at places we know nothing about.  Maybe next year…..maybe then we will tackle Myrtle Beach.  I mean, I want to go to New York and just wander around, but that’s not practical with 2 children nor is it practical when you are really exhausted and wishing for more time to relax instead of more time to run around like a chicken with its head cut off.

I looked around and found some sites that have some great tips.  I’ll link to them and give you a couple of parting words from those sites….enjoy…and as always, tell me about your vacations and your hopeful vacations.

According to a survey at A State University of New York, men who take annual vacations reduce their risk of death by 20 percent.  Men who took no vacations in five years had the highest death rate as well as the highest rate of heart disease.

And, a study by a Wisconsin Medical Journal found that women who took frequent vacations were less likely to become depressed, tense or tired. 

As I mentioned, I have vivid memories of PCB from my childhood and I hope to re-create some of those for my own children.  And, believe it or not, that is one of the benefits of a vacation.  No fancy studies, no research, just plain common sense tells us that when you take time to go out and play and explore the world like you did as a child, you are revitalized by those vivid memories.

And, apparently, it is a belief that employee’s who take at least up to 2 weeks vacation a year are more efficient the other 50 weeks. 

So, hey, let’s get going.

As I went in search of more information, all I could find was reinforcement for what I just said; vacations stave off burnout, vacations keep us healthy, vacations strengthen bonds, and vacations help with job performance.

So, hey, now let’s really get going.  As always…

tell me about your vacations

tell me about your favorite vacation spots

Discuss.

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So, you know way more about me than a lot of people I know in real life.  But, as one would guess, you are probably wondering if I am just a clown that has had many mental and emotional issues and I’m going to try to urge you to go get medicated.  That is simply not the case.  I do believe that medication has its place and we will explore that more in depth later, but for now, I’m just going to give you a few credentials.

My personal thoughts on  my own mental and emotional health are that without the interventions of modern medication and later some therapy, I would not have been able to accomplish much.  So, with that, I’m sure you are wondering just what it is that I’ve done that makes me think I can write a blog here and help anyone.

For starters, did you read the two part introduction.  That alone should tell you that I’ve been the mental and emotional health genre for half of my life.  I was 19 when my father died and that depressive cycle began.  I will be 40 in a couple of weeks.  But, if you read those, you know, I suffered well before the age of 19, it was just then it became apparent to everyone because they could see the issues on the outside.

So, what did I do with myself?  I did what my father always dreamed of, I graduated with a Bachelors degree.  That was in 1991, in physical education.  I used that to teach physical education two and a half years.  My dad tried to tell me not to be a teacher.  I don’t think he knew that I was simply not going to be good at it, (which I wasn’t), he just wanted me to choose a career that wasn’t so difficult to endure (and it is very difficult). 

Either way, I graduated.  I also had a minor in chemistry so I was able to teach Earth and Life Science on year and again, it was awful and I wasn’t very good at it.   Later I taught Pre-K and…again, it was a horrible experience and I wasn’t very good at it in the first place. 

I let my certificate expire and thus was unable to teach after 2001.  In 2005, I decided I should try teaching again, I was older, my temperament was different and maybe…just maybe…

That’s when I realized my certificate had expired.  So, that meant I had to return to school.  So, why  not get my Masters in something that I could use outside the school system or inside if I chose.  I taught Biology while I was in school and just as before, I hated it and I was not good at it either. 

I got my Masters in Counseling last winter while I was busy running my own daycare.  It came in handy and even though it is not my nature to brag, I was able to pick employees strong points as far as what age they would be best working with.  At first they would balk on me, but later, people came to realize that I had a little education and I was good at reading people.

Personalities come easy for me it seems.  I can talk to someone for a short time and tell you way more about them than most of them know themselves.  No, I’m not psychic, I learned a little when I pursued that last degree and it is paying off for me now.

I knew my husband had ADD (attention deficit disorder).  It was very apparent to me.  He had suffered his entire life but didn’t grow up in a home with educated parents who knew what to look for.  I got him an appointment, they did the intake, they gave him a couple of written tests and then the doctor spent about 45 minutes with him.  Diagnosis?  ADD.  I knew it, I’d lived with him too long not to know it.  I knew the symptoms and with my husband, they were terribly obvious.

In recent months I came to realize that my husband was depressed.  Again, he didn’t see what I saw.  I had the education (and I don’t mean that in a smart-alec way, I mean, I read the books, I listened to my professors and I learned so much from them) and I knew that he was depressed.  I encouraged him to tell our psychiatrist that treats his ADD.  He didn’t.  I mentioned it at one of my visits but only briefly and only in the manner in which it was affecting our marriage.  I asked my husband the next month if he would please tell the doctor how he felt.  He said yes, but he didn’t do it.  The next month he suggested I come with him.  I did but the doctor talked to him alone.  My husband managed to pull off the ol’ "it’s just the stress of this one project at work and when it is over, I’ll be fine.).

Not only was I mad at this point, I was ready to do something drastic.  His behavior was affecting our marriage and especially affected his parenting skills.  So, at my next appointment with the doc, I asked if we could come together.  He said if it was ok with my husband, then of course it was ok with him.  We went together.  They gave him a depression test. 

I don’t know much about the depression test because I didn’t see it so I don’t know which test they gave him. However, after the doctor looked at it, he said, "you definitely appear to be depressed, a score of anything above 8 on this test would mean you might benefit from medication and therapy and you (meaning my husband) scored a 24"

Ok, see, I’ve been around the block.  I’ve had the emotional problems, I’ve had the mental fatigue, I’ve dealt with the problems and I’ve been trained to recognize them. 

So, with that, I give you my credentials.  Do you trust me yet?

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I have OCD and it was apparent before the age of 8. How do I know this? Because the nurse for my psychiatrist did my intake. Half way through the intake, he stops and says, "Do you still count things?" I was totally baffled as to how he would know this. I had not been around this man since I was at least 8. My OCD manifested itself in counting way back then. So, why didn’t anyone see this 31 years ago?

I suffer from anxiety. I didn’t do this too bad until I reached college. I was the teacher’s kid. I got special treatment. People knew I was a "good kid" who made "good grades" because my father was well-known in the teaching community. Thus, I was given many a privilege just by my name alone. When I entered college, reality slapped me cold in the face. I had no clue that the world was so cruel. And, anxieties set in that to this day I haven’t over-come. Medication helps. Medication helps a lot. Medication helps A WHOLE LOT. Get me. I simply don’t back down on these issues. I’m passionate. Period.

I suffer from depression. I suspect my family situation lent itself to my depressive behavior, I didn’t have a very happy childhood. I suspect genetics lends itself everyday to my depressive behaviors. My mom is depressed and has been most of my life. My father was more of a manic person. Happy as a lark one day, a terribly unhappy sap the next. I am a clone of my father. It isn’t bi-polar, it is simply, depression. My maternal grandfather, my paternal grandmother and grandfather all suffer/suffered from depression. All of my mother’s siblings and one of my father’s siblings suffer/suffered from depression. People, it is in my genes. Just like cancer. Just like diabetes. Just like thyroid disorders. I could go on forever.

My father died when I was 19. I entered a state of depression that would have likely took down most folks. I say that because I’m telling you, my childhood was rough. Let’s just leave it at that. If someone out there wants to challenge me on this, a private email will do, I can settle it. No, I was not homeless or abandoned. It was a plethora of minor offenses that led to depression with me.

Anyway, my father died when I was 19. I’ve already mentioned that my father was important to me. I lived with my father from age 13 to 19. He and my mother divorced when I was 4. He taught me everything I know. I can’t think of anything I learned between the ages of 4 and 13 that was good. I see you rolling your eyes. Just listen.

Two years after his death and I was failing at a major university. My father’s one and only goal was to see that I got my Bachelor’s Degree in something. I chose teaching. He didn’t approve necessarily. I got my degree and I couldn’t care less about it. I still don’t except for the fact that it led to a Masters that I just got last year. So, even still, I give my father credit for that.

So, two years and I’m failing at the very of event of living. I sought help. I got it. I didn’t however get a good doctor. The one I got said, "I believe you are depressed, wrote me a prescription for Prozac and waived her magic wand." It was years later before I hunted a doctor that knew something about my problem. Family doctors simply weren’t getting it. They were writing and re-writing a script that a neurologist years before had started because she had no explanation for my body’s behavior…except depression.

This would get real long if I went into "my body’s behavior" so just trust me again on this one.

When I was 34 I met my present husband. Having tried out three others that didn’t fit me, I found a man who is 100% meant to be my husband. The depression started to fade. I continued my medication. I got pregnant and decided that it was best that I not take the anti-depressants. My doctor convinced me otherwise. I am quoting Kristen over at Motherhood Uncensored here but basically this is exactly what my OB said to me:

But the truth of the matter is, if we don’t take care of ourselves, then we won’t be around to take care of our kids.

Yes, I purposefully sought out a female OB. She got it. She understood. She put me on a different medication. Which family doctors continued to write without asking any questions after we moved a state away when I was 38 weeks pregnant.

We moved home and I found a psychiatrist who KNOWS HIS STUFF. It took a while. He didn’t automatically find the write medications and the right doses immediately. I would say it took close to 7 or 8 months. No, really it did. Now, I exist on a small dose of 2 different medications. One specifically to treat depression; one specifically for anxiety. And they work. Both are long term drugs. Neither are of the "let me go get a pill for before I go crazy" variety. I have those. I rarely need them. I rarely need them because………..I TAKE MY MEDICATION THAT WORKS ON THE IMBALANCE. Simple.

People who don’t know…simply don’t know. I don’t mean to sound like I’m preaching, I’m simply trying to help you understand. Notice I didn’t say I was trying to MAKE you understand, I can’t make you. I simply want you to try.

I will hang on tight to the following statement and I’ll tell you again that it is a direct quote from Kristen AND an OB in Gainesville Florida…..

But the truth of the matter is, if we don’t take care of ourselves, then we won’t be around to take care of our kids.

How does that old saying go…….walk a mile in my shoes

1. Say No

Life is too short to try to please everyone. Sometimes it’s best to say no if you’re feeling overburdened. If it’s a friend, they will probably understand and if they don’t you might want to consider whether to continue the friendship if it seems to be based on what they can get out of you.

2. Have a Sense of Humor

The ability to laugh at life and its strange turns is invaluable. When you take things too seriously and dwell on what horrible experiences you had it can lead to high stress, ulcers and other health problems. While you won’t look back at all hard times fondly, they often do build character.

3. Exercise

Pick an exercise you can live with and work it into your schedule. Many people join fancy gyms in the New Year but it’s not everyone’s thing. Maybe you would rather walk, play tennis, dance, jog, swim or canoe. Pick something you will enjoy so that you can stick with it. Exercise releases endorphins so is a natural and effective antidepressant for many people.

4. Have a Plan and Take Action

Use a daily planner and include what can be realistically accomplished in one day. If you add too many things to your schedule, it encourages procrastination because you may not be able to finish the tasks. This can then cause you to be stressed and overwhelmed.

While planning is important, action is more important. Even when you make mistakes, you learn and can fine tune your plan by persisting and making it better. If you don’t even try, you lose the opportunity to practice, learn and grow.

5. Think Positive

This might take practice and include methods such as thought stopping. You can do this by canceling out negative thoughts and replacing them with positive thoughts. There are various methods but two of the most popular are simply saying stop to yourself or snapping an elastic band on your wrist to interrupt the negative thought.

6. Avoid Drugs and Alcohol

Using substances to cope with stress is a crutch that temporarily masks pain but makes you feel worse in the end.

7. Eat right

What you put into your body makes an enormous difference in how you feel physically and mentally. Your body can’t function well for long running on coffee and donuts so will eventually crash and burn.

8. Have Patience

Having patience helps avoid a heap of trouble and stress. It enables you think before you speak and slow down and enjoy the time that you have with loved ones. Sometimes patience gives you the opportunity to make new friends in unexpected places. When you’re in a long shopping line for example rather than grumble at the person ahead of you, you could strike up a conversation with a stranger or acknowledge to the cashier how busy he or she is. You could also take that time as an opportunity to catch up on some reading.

9. Rest and Relaxation

Try to make sure you get enough rest. Having a nighttime ritual helps rest come easier so if you read, have a bath and go to bed at the same time every night it becomes a relaxing routine.

Taking breaks throughout your day helps decrease stress as well and often you can think better if you step away from a task for 15 or 20 minutes. You could use this time for visualization, walking or just enjoying nature.

10. Prioritize

Consider whether it’s really that important to press the point of a silly argument and let the little things go. Put what’s important to you first and concentrate on those things such as your family, friends and love. What does it matter how successful you seem in the eyes of acquaintances if you have no time for your family.