Mental & Emotional Health

I’m trying very hard to get into regularly posting a mid-week me, have any of you notice? Do any of you actually care?

I’ve done one of these before, and even done a list of 100 things about me, but I thought that I’d give you

6 Random Things About Me

1. I didn’t used to like Christmas. I don’t know why, but I haven’t ever been a huge fan, until this year. This year, there is something special going on with me and Christmas, and I can’t quite figure it out. I have a friend, J, who is totally into Christmas and I think it might be rubbing off on me this year. I’ve been singing along to Christmas music (which I used to hate) and have been enjoying the movies on TV. It might have something to do with the fact that VERY FEW of my friends/family are receiving gifts from me this year. I haven’t bought a single item for ANYONE this year, and I feel great about that. (I have offered my photography services instead.) Maybe my non-commercialization of Christmas is making it better, or maybe it’s just that I’m warming up to the idea of joy?

2. Along that same Chrsitmas-line, elves creep me out! LOL G & R have these elf-sized elves in the house that totally creep me out … I move them away from me … the just CREEP. Me. Out!

3. The first time I ever had morphine, I talked like a loon! “This makes me feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest but it doesn’t hurt it just feels good … did you know that I went to a circus when I was little and I saw an elephant there for the first time ever but I wasn’t scared and my gramma made me wear a yellow dress to the circus and I pour popcorn on myself and some of the butter stained the dress and I got in a lot of trouble I think I was grounded for a week and it wasn’t my fault because I was seven and I didn’t even buy the popcorn and gramma made me wear the dress.” I’m pretty sure I was entertaining to the nurse

4. I’m very close to my mom and my ex-husband’s mom. I tell both of them quite a bit about my life (my mom gets to hear more, I’m sure) and I am so thankful to have these women in my life. They are both amazingly strong, have been through intense lives and I’m so inspired by both of them.

5. In chronological order, the jobs I’ve wanted to hold in my life have been: doctor, writer, teacher, marine biologist, CIA intel officer, pharmacist, German teacher, photographer, educator, writer and doctor. Do you see a similarity as to my first jobs and the jobs I’ve wanted lately? Yes, I want to be a doctor, of the PhD variety, though.

6. If I had a choice, right now, between $25,000 and love, I would choose the money.

mental & emotional health, mid-week me, random things about me

I recently started reading another great Mental & Emotional Heath blog called Mental Health Notes and I’m really enjoying reading it. Alicia Sparks wrote a (mostly) light-hearted Christmas-themed post today about The Top 5 Things My Brain Wants for Christmas and I am stealing her idea … so I bring you:

The Top 5 Things My Heart Wants for Christmas

1. to physically feel well - I haven’t been talking about it much here (been concentrating on those depressed elderly) but I’ve not been feeling well. I have blood work scheduled for Friday to rule out some more things and we’ll see … but I’d like to not hurt this Christmas

2. to be anxiety-free - not only is my health stressing me out, but I feel like I’ve got a lot of other things to deal with lately. Life is changing, and while I absolutely love change, it stresses me out and makes me feel like I have too much going on. I’d love to not be anxious for the rest of the year … or the rest of my life, actually.

3. to have mental illnesses be stigma-free - while we’re definitely not in the dark ages regarding mental health, it’s still not an “okay” diagnosis to have. It bears stigma over cancer, diabetes, IBS and the like, and I just wish it didn’t. While we’re at it, can we remove the stigma from and HIV or AIDS diagnosis, too?

4. a good night’s sleep - like heavy, full-night-long, deep as the ocean sleep. I’ve been so tired and so stressed about being tired, that I can’t sleep and it sucks. Someone let me sleep!

5. the guts to karaoke - I don’t sing very well, but I can hold my own at church and in groups. I have NO guts when it comes to karaoke. I’d love to get these guts in a pretty container … maybe with some tasty tea, too.

So, dear readers, what five things does your heart want for Christmas this year?

On Monday I started sharing my list of 108 New Years Resolutions with you all. I shall continue today!

16. master the night-time bokeh shots
17. learn to use my tripod with speed (right now I’m really slow using it!)
18. finish MamaDee’s/Baby Dee’s cross-stitch project (I started this before BabyDee was born, and he just turned 7 months old … I need to get on this before he turns 18!)
19. finish winter term with straight A’s (I’m registered for three classes – human sexuality, health and health systems and nutrition for heath and looking forward to each of them!)
20. earn at least a B+ in epidemiology (I don’t have to take it until spring term, but I’m already concerned!)
21. earn $1,000 by blog-writing (I was on my way this year, but would really like to make this happen in 2008)
22. start running steadily again (I’ve been taking months off at a time and that’s not quite working out for me)
23. run a half-marathon (I don’t plan on setting a time limit for myself, I just want to do it)
24. sincerely wear out a pair of “running-only” tennis shoes (I used to be able to do this, too!)
25. pay off one credit card in full (this is something that I hope to have done by June, actually)
26. repot/replant my vine plant I have in the house (I want it to get bigger and it’s not getting any bigger in the pot it’s currently in)
27. go to the Roller Derby again (I loved the derby the first time, and I really want to go back! Anyone want to go with me?)
28. go to the zoo
29. spend a day on foot in SE Portland exploring
30. share a taster tray with Miss Buckeye at a new brewery

mental & emotional health, New Years resolutions, 2008

Time for another one!

1. And what do we call you? Queen. McStressyPants. Sarah. Whatever works, I used to work with children, I answer to ALMOST anything.
2. And how old might you be? In the mid-20’s
3. Who sleeps in the same house as you? Right now? G & R. Normally, at my house, no one.
4. Suppose you see your crush/boy/girl friend kissing another person, what would you do? I don’t really have a crush on anyone right now. I dunno. *shrug*
5. Yay, you got a free holiday, South America or North Korea? South Africa. Cape Town. Let’s go!
6. What would you do if a teacher of the opposite sex hit on you? Uhm, depends on whether they were MY teacher or not!
7. Right now do you prefer a Strawberry Milkshake or a Banana Cupcake? Strawberry flavored things (normally) gross me out so if I had to pick, I’d go banana.
8. Is your phone within a meter radius of you? Nope, I don’t even know where my own phone is!
9. Wait, are you a guy or a chick? Why is this a “wait!” question? I have boobs.
10. What are you wearing? Uhm, a heap of clothes. Socks, G’s slippers, jeans, underoos, a tank top, a long sleeved t-shirt and a sweater
11. What color is the thing you are sitting on right now? black and brown
12. Are you doing this just because you’re bored? I’m doing this because I like to get paid to write here, and it’s been a while since I’ve done a Mid-Week Me!
13. What is bothering you right now? My back is starting to hurt again, which means I need to move chairs.
14. Who do you think you’re going to spend New Year’s with? I’ll spend it with the NP girls after shooting a wedding in Tacoma.
15. Was last New Year’s enjoyable? Yeah, it was tame.
16. I’ll betcha you miss someone right now: Yes, I do.
17. And they would be where? Two in California and one in Oregon
18. Can you type over 60 words per minute? Yes, I type really quickly
19. Are you high? No, I do have a bit of caffeine in my system, though.
20. McDonalds or KFC? Neither, really. Thanks.
21. Krispy Kreme, Donut King or Wendy’s? Wendy’s.
22. Target, Wal-Mart or K-Mart? Target
23. If you were given $100, would you spend it, or save it? Save it to pay bills.
24. If there was a large spider in the room, would you stay? No, I’d leave to get the hairspray and then kill the thing!
25. What time is it? 5:52pm
26. Would you ever become a vegetarian or even vegan? I’ve thought about it … but I like my chicken.
27. Where are you right now? Washington. In someone else’s dining room
28. What is your desktop picture? The ocean
29. Can you swim well? Well enough
30. Do you shop for clothes? In the past few months? No.
31. Where do you think your ex is right now? I don’t know, nor do I really care
33. Do you believe in ghosts? Not really.
34. Would you rather go to Tokyo or Paris? Paris
35. How about Melbourne or Rome? Melbourne
36. Do you have a guitar in your house? Nope, no musical instruments in my house
38. Who else is in the room with you? Right now? No one. G will be back in the kitchen soon though. She’s making pie.
39. In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies? Jackets, waterproof, with a hood!
40. Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? No, I’m perfectly happy where I am.
41. How often do you get onto myspace? Once or twice a day.
42. How long can you go without your mobile phone? a full day?
43. Do you have any enemies? Not that I know of, no.
44. What are you doing? Filling this out, thinking about making my back stop hurting.
45. Is your bed made of metal or wood? The frame is metal.
47. Ever kissed a blonde haired, blue eyed person? Yes.
48. Who last called you baby? Baby? No one. LOL I get “hun” from E all the time, though.
49. What last made you sad? I dunno … stress probably.
50. Would you be able to date someone who had a kid with someone else? Yeah, probably. I dunno. I don’t like to limit myself.
51. How much older than you is the person you last kissed? Uhm, a few months.
52. Do you know anyone called Lucy? I know a DOG named Lucy.
53. Spoon or fork? Depends on what I’m eating.
54. Where did you last sleep other than your house? G & R’s house
55. What’s the best way to say I love you? The best way? Uhm, honestly?
56. What’s the worst way to say I love you? Lying?
57. What are you doing tomorrow? Sleep until I wake up, go for a run, putter around, see the Messiah concert in the afternoon, do some laundry probably, eat my first Cornish game hen
58. Would you kill for $1,000,000? bugs and critters accidentally

mental & emotional health, mid-week me, survey, meme

Every year for the past four years I’ve set up a huge list of random New Year’s resolutions that I’d like to accomplish. In 2004, my initial year, I made 104 resolutions (and accomplished 84 of them). In 2005 I made 105; in 2006, 106; and in 2007 I got lazy and only made 57. 2007 has been so all over the place for me that I didn’t actually keep track of them though. In 2008 I would like to:

1. keep track of my 2008 New Years resolutions list

2. read 50 books*

3. write a one-sentence review of each book I read to keep track of my books (I plan on keeping a running “tab” on my personal blog with this information on it)

4. read two sci-fi novels*

5. read two fantasy novels*

6. read five biographies*

7. read one self-help book all the way through*

8. take one photograph a day

9. post each photograph to Flickr (as a set, with the date as the title)

10. book one wedding session**
11. book two Senior sessions**
12. book three family sessions**
13. book four one-on-one sessions**
14. learn five new PSP techniques
15. submit one photograph to the Oregon State Fair

*While I’ve bookmarked The Book Stacks here at 451Press, if you have any book recommendations for me, I really appreciate suggestions! I have read TWO science fiction books in my entire life, and while I really enjoyed one of them I’ve never felt compelled to read another. I’ve read some popular fantasy novels (the entire Lord of the Rings series) but other than that, haven’t branched out much. I adore biographies but slacked on them in the last half of this year. I normally give up on self-help books unless they’re really applicable to me so I have to find a good one.

**Obviously I’d like to branch out with my photography. If you are interested in being shot (bang bang!) let me know and I’ll pass my information and rates on to you! I would absolutely be willing to cut you a deal to help my portfolio!

mental & emotional health, New Year’s Resolutions, 108 for 2008, reading, book suggestions, photography

What do you do when you’re at a CRAVE Portland party and you get this text message from a close friend: “Feel like flying to california right now?”

Well, if you’re me, you start laughing and remind your friend that you have two finals tomorrow and you can’t really afford to drop your stuff and fly to California right then. Then you let her tell you that her water broke … a month early … when she’s pregnant with twins.

Then, you start freaking out! We enjoyed the CRAVE Portland party for a bit more, but then left around 7pm. It’s all insane, but I told her that I would be there if I could, for the birth of the twins. Well, of all times! So, right now I’m waiting to hear back from her, but may be flying to San Bernadino tomorrow afternoon immediately after my two finals. Talk about feeling overwhelmed!

In her world, a few minutes equals an hour and three minutes. She was supposed to call and let me know the plan a while ago … but I’m still waiting. I don’t know whether to get in bed and try to get some sleep, and then get up early to pack and get ready or to get some stuff put together tonight in order to be ready in case she calls me. I’m torn! Being in the hospital, and being in labor doesn’t lead to an easy answer of the cell phone!

So, if you’re the praying kind, say a prayer for my friend. Say a prayer for my finals. Say a prayer that my head doesn’t explode waiting on hearing news!

Whoa whoa whoa whoa!*

Have you guys (and gals) ever noticed that I sing a lot in this blog? Just random lyrics of songs that no one wants get stuck in their head? Yeah, I have, too.

Anyway.

Today was the first day of finals week. It was my first real finals week in FOUR years. FOUR years. Intense, right? No, not really. I had coffee last night at 8pm in hopes of keeping myself awake late and studying … and I was dead asleep by midnight. (Yes, I know it was probably not the smartest idea, but those pumpkin spice lattes sure do taste great!)

I had a final in my Chronic and Communicable Disease class today. I got my paper and last quiz back before I took the final and laughed. A+ on the paper (no numerical grade … weird) and a 10/10 on the quiz I didn’t really study for. I then took a 25 point final that if I didn’t ace, I’ll cry. It was probably the easiest final I’ve ever taken in my entire school history. I left feeling confident and will email Dr. Wheeler later in the week to see what I got on it.

We had a nice holiday potluck at work today and it was full of laughs. I finally felt like a real member of the team today and that was a boost for me.

I had a second final late in the afternoon in the Consumer Health Issues class I took and have no fear that I didn’t ace that one, too. We had a group discussion and then a small group project (a response to Michael Crichton’s State of Fear (need a good “make you think” book? Check it out!)) and then that was it. The prof warned us that there was nothing we could prepare for, but I had no idea it would be that easy.

So yeah, I’m 50% done. I work almost full days on Tuesday and Wednesday and then have another two finals on Thursday. There is only one final left that I can prepare for, so I’m off to do that now!

*Dear Tom Jones, thanks for the inspiration for today’s post title. Love and glitter, Sarah

This is it. Officially now you know everything there is to know about me.

7. Ever skip school? One time. I skipped my morning classes to stay home and finish a kick-ass AP/CC Government paper. I was already 18 … and I got an A on the paper.

8. Ever smoke? No, I didn’t try my first cigarette until I was 21.

9. Were you a nerd? Do you really need to ask this? Yes, I was a nerd.

10. Did you get suspended/expelled? No, I never even had detention!

11. Can you sing the Alma Mater? I don’t know that RHS had an Alma Mater!

12. Who was your favorite teacher? Frau Bahr probably. She was my German teacher and was one of the most encouraging teachers I’ve ever had.

13. Favorite class? German or Advanced Chemistry II with Mr. Beatty. That guy was fun, and we got to play with STUFF and light it on fire. Seriously, who wouldn’t like chemistry!?

14. What was your school’s full name? Roseburg Senior High School

15. School mascot? The Indians

16. Did you go to Prom? I went to four three proms, even though only two were mine. My Senior year prom was the best though, I convinced E & J to go with me!

17. If you could go back and do it over, would you? No. I loved my Senior year, but that was about it for high school.

18. What do you remember most about graduation? Hah! 1. It was hotter than the hubs of hell. 2. I wore a VERY short, VERY tight, hot pink and white checkered strapless dress under my gown. No one believed that I would show up in it, and they were FLOORED when I showed it to them!

19. Favorite memory of your Senior Year? Just one? Probably my first visit to OSU with E & J. We stayed with J’s brother and got to pretend we were already there.

20. Were you ever posted up on the senior wall? We didn’t have a Senior wall.

21. Did you have a job your senior year? Yes, I was a legal secretary.

22. Who did you date? Bob.

23. Where did you go most often for lunch? I normally ate a bag of pretzels and a diet Pepsi for lunch in the band room with my friends.

24. Have you gained weight since then? Yes, I have, but I also eat more than a bag of pretzels and a diet Pepsi for lunch now.

25. What did you do after graduation? I worked my butt off all summer long and then I went off to OSU for four years!

mental & emotional health, high school, meme, Roseburg High School

Getting to know you.
Getting to like you,
Getting to hope you like me.”

*apologizes for singing to ya’ll* … I like musicals, what can I say?

I was tagged elsewhere to do this “High School Meme” and
a) it’s been a while since I did a Mid-Week Me, and
b) I haven’t done this meme before!

1. Who was your best friend? My best friends in high school were E, J & J. J moved away to Idaho for a year of college and then never talked to us again, E, J & I were incredibly close for a long time, but since we’re all living in different cities now, and in very different places in our lives, we don’t hang out as much as we used to.

2. What sports did you play? Sports? Uhm, I was on the speech & debate team. I ran for fun, but wasn’t ever into competition.

3. What kind of car did you drive? Oh, my beautiful little Baby Bitch. An ‘89 Toyota Corolla and I were very close. She was so good to me, even though for years she didn’t even have a tape player in her!

4. It’s Friday night, where were you at? After leaving work (I was a legal receptionist for four years in high school), if there wasn’t a football game (where I would sit right near the marching band!) I was most likely at E’s house. We spent a lot of weekends together just watching movies and cooking dinner together. It was fantastic.

5. Were you a party animal? If dinner parties counted, then yes. Otherwise, I went to three parties in high school.

6. Were you in the “In Crowd”? *thinks* No. I had plenty of friends and was really active in high school, but I wasn’t part of the “popular crowd.” I would say, though, that there are quite a few people from the popular crowd who I was friends with and still talk to.

… to be continued …

mental & emotional health, high school, meme, Roseburg High School

1. I just finished my SEVENTH paper for the term, and then realized that I have one more paper to write. I was all excited that I was done, and now I have a no-less-than-3/no-more-than-4 page paper to write for Consumer Health Issues. It’s an easy paper, but still … I have another paper! *shrug* It’ll get done, no need to freak out!

2. People blogging about Facebook’s removal of the verb “is”. This blog was the third I read and they all made me laugh. I love that people were so a) up in arms or b) EXCIIIIIIIIITED to have those two letters removed. (Oh, you know what else about Facebook that makes me laugh? Scrabulous. Cav and I have played four full games now and I’ve only won one. I’m not used to that. I kinda like it though.)

3. LOL Cats. I could say “enough said,” but then my daily word count is down and it’d just be silly to do that. I’ve never made my own LOL Cat because I can never come up with captions that are as funny as the ones everyone else comes up with. I do speak LOL with my friends every once in a while though!

4. Family Guy - they just had their 100th episode and I’ve been watching since it’s inception. Seriously, there is something about the obnoxiousness that makes me laugh. Tonight’s “Sanka” commercial had me in tears I was laughing so hard. This show is better than therapy sometimes. (But never better than Grey’s Anatomy though!)

5. My friends. Whether it’s being screamed at by a bum on Burnside or sitting on a couch playing our own games on our own laptops, my friends make me laugh. My favorite quote from a friend in the past week? “Oh, it’s a big butter Jesus! *pause* I’d eat him.”

mental & emotional health, 5 things that make me laugh, homework, writing papers, Facebook, removing is, LOL Cats, funny cats, funny cat pictures, Family Guy, Grey’s Anatomy, friends, bums

There are days that I struggle to get out of bed and function lately. This scares me … I’m doing a lot of thinking and praying this week before I jump right back on ‘em, but it’s in the back of my head. This morning, while I was struggling to get up, I started forming a list of 10 reasons I should get out of bed … I thought I would share them with you!

1. It look sunny outside. I should get some vitamin D. The sunshine is good for me. (I opened ALL the blinds today to let the natural light into my house.)

2. No one is going to make tea for me and bring it to me in bed, so I have to get up and make it for myself. Dangit.

3. Laying in bed feeling sorry for myself is going to do anything but make me feel MORE sorry for myself. And as I was laying there, I got to thinking about the fact that I have very little to feel sorry about!

4. The postman doesn’t deliver my mail to the front door, I’ve got to get up to get paid.

(more…)

current blessing(s): Life in general has been a blessing for me lately. Seeing two of my very close friends (for the first time, mind you) was such a blessing. Having them near me for five days, having them see me in most of my moods (they even saw me cry!), and feeling their love for me was so intense it probably changed my life. I kid you not. My biggest blessing lately has been the fact that I’ve been comfortable praying. No joke. I’ve been falling asleep mid-prayer and before even getting out of bed I’ve been in prayer. It’s made my days better.

current slang or phrase: *laughs* Hah! Lately I’ve been saying “I’m bazombied,” a lot lately. While in San Diego, MKT (the 4.5-year-old) randomly walked into the living room saying “I’m a zombie!” but it came out “I’m bazombied!” and was hilarious. It now is a securely anchored vocabulary word for me.

current outfit: This is hilarious. I wanted to be comfortable when I got home, so I changed. I have on my disco ball pajama pants (polka dotted flannels), my dress-top from the day, and my hair is a disaster. I’m okay with that though … I’m comfortable, and no one is going to see me.

current excitement: I’m excited for this weekend. I have a million things to do but I’m looking forward to actually being able to get it all done. I’m also looking forward to seeing whether my Oregon State Beavers can win a football game after being smashed by USC.

current song lyric: “I’m so far inside you, and I just can’t seem to get through, ain’t none of my business, ain’t none of my space, but I had to give it a try,” taken directly from the song just now playing on Grey’s Anatomy!

current photo: Uhm, I have a slew of photographs to work on. Senior portraits from last weekend and then family portraits of the T family from my San Diego trip. I started in on both of them earlier tonight but haven’t really tackled much past the basic fixes. More this weekend. More more more!

I’m done mid-week me-ing now. And you know, it’s Friday … this isn’t mid-week. Go me. *laughs*

current wants: More money. I’m broke. Seriously, this is not fun. I am trusting in the Lord to take care of me, He will provide, but it’s stressing me out. No matter what happens, I will be taken care of. I am doing what I can to get by with what I can, but I still stress about it. I’d also like a new iPod, a new TV, the bed out of my living room, and a refrigerator full of vegetables as well.

current needs: More money. No, okay, so it’s a need, but I already talked about that. I need to get a paper started for one of my public health classes, along with getting some emails out to other people IN my public health classes about even MORE papers that have to be taken care of. I plan on doing this as soon as I get my entries for the rest of the week up and ready to go.

current triumph(s): Triumph? I’m kicking ass in school. No joke. I was always a good student, and then in college I was a good student, but this time around, I consider myself a great student! I told one of my coworkers today that being in the “real” world for a few years was a great way to gain some perspective on school. No one cares if I got a B in History of Africa or whether I almost failed MULTIPLE chemistry midterms & finals (but always managed to pull a B in the class!). I don’t stress so much about school and I seem to be doing even better because of that!

current bane(s) of existence: The fact that there are only 24 hours in a day, is the bane of my existence. I have so much to do, and while I’m working to get it done, I would love to have 34 hours in a day!

current celebrity crush: Really? Do you want a list? Okay, well I’ll tell you ONE. Justin Timberlake. I am a fan girl. I’ve seen him in concert. I have his albums. I screamed like a 13-year-old at his concert and it was fantabulous. I’d marry him in an instant.

EVEN MORE LATER!

current book: I just finished Sugar Ray Dodge’s latest book Son of Santa - A Christmasy Carol and am happy to say that I liked the ending of this one. Dave’s last book bummed me out and so I was pleased that the ending of this one made me feel better. Thank you Dave! I’m currently reading Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver. I tried to start reading it months ago and couldn’t get into it. I have a guilt complex when it comes to books and so I had to give it another go. I’m doing just that and tolerating it.

current music/songs: I have been LOVING Colbie Caillat’s album Coco lately. Magic & Realize are my favorite songs and I can listen to them over and over again. I also have been rocking out to the soundtrack from Across the Universe, too. I don’t normally like The Beatles but this soundtrack made me want to create my own soundtrack to my life!

current shame-inducing guilty pleasure/indulgence: Honestly? Lately … I haven’t been doing anything guilty for pleasure. No, really, I’ve been incredibly stressed out and haven’t been taking any me-time. Tonight I went, with MamaDee to Sephora for a beauty thing where I did get to have some tasty food and some champagne as well as getting free samples. Maybe that was a guilty pleasure. Oh, and I still love reality TV … but I have no shame in admitting that!

current color(s): I’ve always been a fan of black … but I have a closet full of blue, too. Blue has been my favorite color for most of my life and so that is to be expected. I’m sitting on a cream colored love seat right now and most of the wood furniture in my house is medium toned.

current drink: Hot tea. It’s getting cold in Portland, Oregon lately and I have to have something to keep me warm!

current movie: The last movie I clearly remember watching was Across The Universe. I loved it. I really want to see August Rush, too. I take myself to movies alone when I have the time/money and so we’ll see if I have that stuff while it’s out in theaters!

MORE TOMORROW!

PS - bonus points for those of you who get my picture today

Part of me wants to apologize for the abundance of personal posts lately, but no one has complained and people are still reading, so I guess they’re not as tiring as I thought they could become. Mental and emotional health is such an integral part of my own life, and I try to make sure that people know I’m not ashamed of my mental and emotional health struggles so that my readers, both new and old, might one day become more comfortable sharing their own struggles with those around them.

In the past six weeks, I have had a few friends tell me that they’re noticing something different going on with me. Normally this would make me feel weird (as I wouldn’t know what they were talking about) but this time, I know exactly what the deal is. Six weeks ago I started attending church regularly again. There have been a few Sundays that I’ve missed, but it’s only been because I’ve been out of town or volunteering with Special Olympics (which I’m pretty sure that the Lord is okay with). I have felt better about everything since joining a church again.

When I am anxious, I’ve been able to pull out Matthew 6:25-27: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Not me, I can’t add anything to my life by worry. Two nights this week, intense panic feelings have been staved by the reading, re-reading, and re-reading aloud of this verse.

Making new friends within a church, hearing encouraging messages weekly, knowing that I have a place to turn to in times of darkness, and a general feeling of re-connection have really helped my life lately. People are starting to notice, and I have been so aware and thankful of the reason why. Little things have been amazing to me - the leaves blowing madly around the quad, people smiling at me as they walk by, the smell of coffee, the sunshine on cold days - it’s all been so much to encourage me lately, and I’m happy about that.

mental & emotional health, Christianity, Matthew 6:25-27, the Bible, anxiety, panic attack remedy