Mental & Emotional Health

Ok, I know that sounds like a silly question, but the fact of the matter is, people who suffer from mental illness in all shapes and forms are still carry around this big bucket of stigma on their shoulders..or around their waste, or on their butt for that matter.  Regardless, it has to stop.  It has to stop now too.

So, with that, I’m going to lead you in the direction of an article on Medical News Today which has an article entitled, “On 100th Anniversary, Mental Health America Declares “It’s Time for Mental Health”.

I think the reality of it is I don’t actually do as much here on this site in the area of Mental Health as I should.  I focus quite a bit on emotional health.  So, taking a look at mental health is a good idea for a a point of focus for a little while. 

Mental Health America started as the negative impact of war started to appear with families of soldiers returning from war and how those men and women were living with trauma.  I’m married to a war vet, I don’t care what anyone tells you, the trauma is there.  It is real.  I wasn’t married to him then so I personally don’t feel the personal pain, but I know he does.  He doesn’t talk about it much, but when he does, it’s painfully obvious that he was traumatized.

If you want to read the article or if you just want to check out Mental Health America’s site, feel free to do so, then I’d love to hear your personal stories and comments.

I make no bones about the fact that I am the person I am today because of a good psychiatrist and good medication.  I don’t like the wording of “good drugs” but honestly, that’s what it was.  It was a great cocktail mixed by my awesome doctor and it has made me able to function.

And, with that, I was able to fly my social wings this past weekend at Blissdom and I can honestly say that I haven’t felt as young and revived as I did sometime late Saturday evening.  I fell in love with the ability to talk to anyone about anything.  I regained the ability to listen and learn and find ways to make it all apply to me.  I found a way to let my emotions, good ones this time, not bad, get terribly out of control. 

I found myself in a sensory over-load and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  If you were at Blissdom and you’ve just found your way over here, welcome.  I am open, I am honest.  I don’t sugar coat anxiety and depression.  I don’t sugar coat the fact that the depression after my father’s death lasted no less than 10 years.  I don’t sugar coat much of anything…and I like it that way!

So, enjoy, join in and have a good time!

When I got to the doctor today for my visit to see about good ol’ Mr. Prozac, our doctor had called in sick.  UH?  What do you mean he called in sick?  Doctors can’t do that?  Can they?

So, until Monday, we will wait.  However, at the present time I have a headache the size of Montana.  Not that I’ve ever been to Montana, but it’s just how the saying goes.  Anyway, til Monday….we will see.

But, this headache?  Any one?  Ideas?

Listen, I don’t mean to keep talking about myself here but no one is giving me anything else to buzz about, so again today, you get me.  As I’ve written already, I’m changing my medication (not necessarily I but we meaning the doctor and I) from Cymbalta which toted a hefty $60 co-pay to Prozac which is only $15.  It seemed like common sense.

I’ve been on Cymbalta for several years now and I hated to rock the boat.  We were just flowing along so nicely.  But, monetarily, $60 is just a lot of money when you consider the costs of other drugs that we require around here. 

So, Cymbalta is out, Prozac is in.  Prozac was the first anti-depressant I ever took and when I started it, I don’t recall any side-effects.  For instance, when my husband first started his anti-depressant medication (Lexapro), he had plenty of side effects which eased up as the week wore on.  But, when I started Prozac, I don’t remember any such issues.

But, now, switching from one to the other has kept me down.  I’m dizzy, I’m lethargic, and I’m a little grumpy.  Not as grumpy as I once was without medication, but the change over has been difficult.  I just hope it works out for the best and I haven’t wasted this week for naught. 

Stay tuned and we shall see…

Today when I went to my monthly appointment for counseling and doctor visit, I made the request to change my medication from cymbalta to something more cost effective.  The doctor worded it as cost prohibitive but whatever, it cost too doggone much. 

So, he asked what other drugs we had tried and since the file was thicker than most phone books, we started a discussion based on my memory.  I told him that I had taken paxil when I was pregnant with my children and as far as I could remember it worked alright when I was pregnant but not so well afterwards.  And, I mentioned that I took prozac for many years on end. 

So, he asked if I had a preference and since my memory serves me that one of the side effects of prozac is lack of appetite, I decided to go that route.  I know that sounds crazy but prozac really did help me for twelve years or more and I know the paxil didn’t do as well when I wasn’t pregnant.

So, prozac it is.  It will cost me much less ($5.17 a month versus $60 a month for cymbalta) than the cymbalta but the true test will be my mood, my cranky, aggravating disposition. 

I am a sleeper.  I’ve always been a sleeper.  I make jokes with people about it because it is quite spectacular to see just how much I can sleep. I once had a roommate that wouldn’t leave me alone about joining her and her friends for movies and pizza or just drinking beer and watching ball games.  I never could make her understand, I enjoyed sleeping.  I finally telling her that I wasn’t really sleeping, I was meditating.  I swear, for me, it was just as healing as meditation.

I’ve made jokes over the years about how the life in my dreams is better than the one in reality so why not sleep when I get a chance.  People simply dismissed it as depression and medicated me.  As you may or may not know, most anti-depressants may have a sleepy effect.  So, that wasn’t always a great idea.

For some one who could sleep as much as I could, I had problems going to sleep and then, I’d wake all during the night.  It was ridiculous.  For many years I took over the counter sleep aids, then I graduated to prescription medications.  The problem remained.  I’ve tried a variety of the popular sleep medications on the market, prescription and non-prescription.  The anxiety I have though was much stronger than the any sleep aid out there. 

Ambien made me hallucinate.  And, I tried it several times over a five year span and I would always return to the same hallucination.  It really was nutty.  So, doctors would keep playing with sleep inducing drugs.  But, as I’ve told you several times, I found a doctor who specializes in chronic pain as well as mood disorders, emotional disorders, etc.  He really has been great for me.

He is the person who convinced me to go to the Sleep Clinic.  I do indeed have sleep apena.  And, I don’t take a sleep-aid to go to sleep, I take a very strong dose of a drug used to treat bi-polar disease.  I am not bi-polar, but I do have such a high strung personality that it takes a drug that strong to settle me into sleep.  The first night at the sleep clinic, even with the drug I normally take, I never entered the deepest zone of sleep.  The technicians were in awe.  He jokingly said that I also managed to run about 10 miles.

I returned to the clinic with doctors orders for a sleep apnea machine.  That night I entered the deepest zone of sleep approximately 45 minutes before time for me to get up.  However, I wasn’t waking 15 or 16 times an hour from sleep apnea and I managed to run a much shorter distance.  Success?

By most folks standards that would probably not be success.  I mean, I still have to take a drug that is made to treat a completely different illness in order to go to sleep, I have to sleep with the aid of a CP machine and I take a medication to curb the restless leg syndrome.  But, in my world, the fact that I make into a deep sleep every night means I rest more than I ever have before.  The legs remain still and it doesn’t take me hours upon hours to go to sleep.  (I remember having insomnia as early as age 8).

So, if any of this sounds familiar to you, please find yourself a good doctor, and a sleep clinic and get yourself taken care of.  I still love to take a nap.  I can be wide awake and plowing through my day and if someone suggest we quieten down and nap, I’m all over it.  I simply love to sleep.

The best I can tell, I was born to be a sleeper and my job is to dream.  As of late, I’ve been dreaming pretty doggone big too.  So, it can’t be all bad now can it?

This is totally an anonymous example.  I can’t and won’t reveal any sources.  I’m just curious if anyone out there that is reading has seen such habits, felt such insecurities and has any idea how to go about helping someone in this situation.

Ok, we are talking about an 18 year old kid.  I’m going to call him Joey but obviously that is not his real name.  He lives with his mother who I am calling Carol, again, not her real name.  Joey’s father is not in the picture but there is an older brother but he too lives several states away.  Here’s the story.

Joey graduated from high school and wanted to go to college.  Because of his situation, not only did he not have help getting help getting into college, preparing paperwork for grants and loans, he didn’t have transportation to get to and from college either.  This kid leaves where there is no public transportation. 

As a side note, I’ve seen many situations like this and if the proper channels are doing their job, the kid ends up in college, with monetary help and someone who lives close by that doesn’t mind giving the kid a ride.  That simply didn’t happen in this case. 

Now, the kid is disappointed about not going to college.  That much is known for sure.  The kid is also binging and purging.  He is taking laxatives when he can and everyone around him is watching this from behind the scenes wondering who and when someone should intervene. 

Carol contacted a doctor who specialized in these behaviors but was told that he would prefer Joey see a doctor that specialized in teenagers because he felt that Joey’s situation was more out of control than he was comfortable dealing with. He also mentioned to the mother than many times when a young boy this age had issues with binging and purging, he was also struggling with his identity.  Indeed the child did say he thought he might be homosexual and was spending time with a man 20 years older than him that was a known homosexual.

Carol made the appointment with the doctors which just happened to be in a town an hour and half a way, Joey cut his wrists.  He was carried to the emergency room where the doctor sent him to the only hospital that would take him sense he was a medicaid (All-Kids actually) patient.

Joey was only kept for 3 days and the doctors declared that nothing was wrong with him.  He was sent home. 

Fast forward a few weeks and he was acting odd again.  His mother wasn’t home for a few days but when she returned, he had been serious beaten up.  Joey wouldn’t tell his mother anything but indicated that the man he had been with that was much older was the one responsible. 

Carol called the man, he had proof that he wasn’t even in town that weekend.  So Carol set about trying to figure out who was responsible.  Joey continued to blame the older man and then put a guilt trip on Carol for believing someone besides him.

Mom tightened the ropes on the child’s freedom by not allowing him to drive her car and such.  He worked with his uncle some doing hard labor work and seemed to be getting along much better.  No one seem to catch him binging and purging and he wasn’t allowed any freedom to roam so the situation seemed to be somewhat in better control.

I just got notice that Joey once again slit his wrists and had to have 5 stitches on inside and 9 staples on the outside.  He is now in a  hospital in a different place and has been for the last 24 + hours. 

My question is this:  Why are doctor’s ignoring what Carol is telling them about Joey?  Why aren’t they taking action?  Can’t they see he is having problems?  Did he have to take this drastic measure in order to kept help?

I am interested to see if anyone has any suggestions.

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I take a particular anti-depressant known as Cymbalta.  It has really  helped me and I know that with it and the small dose of Welbutrin, I am a stable, happy person.  I’ll try to keep this short but if you’ve read here long, you know my fingers get diarrhea pretty often and just keep pecking away. 

Anyway, what I was trying to say was this, our insurance carrier made some changes to our coverage and not only were we not notified, it was as if someone slapped me in the face when I went to get my Cymbalta prescription filled. 

I take a fairly high dose of this medication and because of that we have had to have prior authorization from the insurance.  I had the authorization for 120 mg a day through last February.  It took until May for the doctor’s office and the insurance company to get it together to issue another authorization. 

But, even when I went to get the medication filled in July, it was not taken care of like it should have been.  So, I took a copy of the letter from the insurance company to the pharmacy.  The pharmacist was one of my best buddies in high school.and she called the insurance company and got the prescription and authorization  straight. 

Now, in the interim, my doctor would give me enough samples of the cymbalta so that I didn’t have to buy them out right.  At first the insurance company was going to let me have 60 capsules but only if I paid  2 $35 co-pays.  That’s when the doctor started giving me a 30 day supply and I would fill my prescription for the other 30 at 30 bucks a month.

Then, one day it was $35 for the co-pay.  And then, then the bottom fell out because when I picked the medication up last week, the lady said, $60.  I almost flipped my lid.  I paid it because what else was I suppose to do on a Saturday.  I was just planning to call the pharmacists and ask her about it. 

By the time I got around to calling her, she had already called my insurance company (it is good to have friends) and they informed her that I did indeed have an authorization for 60 pills (which is what I got for the 60 bucks) but that my co-pay for non-formulary drugs had gone up to $60.

I did flip when the words came out of her mouth.  I almost lost control of myself.  That’s freakin’ ridiculous ya’ll.  I know the medication is expensive.  I know I’m lucky to even have insurance when many people who need anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs do not.  I know I am lucky that my husbands employer pays the entire premium for us.  I know. 

But, regardless of who it is paying the 60 bucks, someone insured or someone who is having to fork out the entire amount, the price of medication is ridiculous.

So, when I go back for my visit, which is sometime around the end of September, I fully intend to ask that he change my mediation (although it has taken 4 years of tweaking to get it just right) because honestly, $60 is just not going to happen. 

Are you insured? 

If not, do you pay out of pocket?

If you are insured, are your co-pays decent and predictable?

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I’m not sure where I’m going with this.  I’m just going to wander into it.  We bought a daycare in May of 2007.  I had never been able to work a full 40 hour work week because of my health.  The depression, the anxiety, the laziness.  No, it wasn’t really laziness, it really was depression.

When we bought the daycare though, I became the person that had to do it all and do it all right.  I am a control freak, I have OCD and I get depressed and anxious when things are not going according to my plan.

And, with that, I have to tell you that very little that has happened since May of 2007 has happened in the manner in which I planned.  We sold the daycare a few weeks ago but had already closed it in July. 

My health was going down hill and fast.  I found I had a thyroid disorder and diabetes.  I wasn’t doing anything to keep my diabetes in check so that, along with the state of affairs at the daycare, had put me in a serious funk.  I thought it was ONLY a serious funk. 

As it turned out, I had caught mono somehow and before it was all said and done, I was in the hospital.  I’m still not over the mono.  I had a relapse as late as last week.  My doctor says that with my other health issues and my tendency to become depressed, I would probably see symptoms of mono into the winter. 

My doctor really seems to be watching  me close and trying to do his best to see that I don’t fall over the edge.  He is a great doctor and I just wish everyone could have a doc like him. 

And, so with that, we are headed for a vacation.  There wasn’t one person that knew us that had any doubts that we needed and deserved a vacation.  Not one person! 

We’ve been gone since 9 AM this morning.  I woke up at 3 AM and couldn’t sleep.  I just stayed up.  For me, at 3:20 PM, 12 hours later, I’m nearing the end of my schedule for the day.  Yet, we’ve got at least half of the trip left ahead of us. 

We left this morning in time to stop by the great super store and pick up a few odds and ends as well as get Wayne a haircut.  By the time we got gas, made it to our favorite restaurant, ate lunch and got back on the road, it was almost 2 PM.

With that said, I haven’t relaxed yet.  We are going to be on vacation at the beach until next Friday and I’m hoping that by the time we lay our sleepy heads down tonight I start to get that feeling that you are suppose to get with vacations.  I don’t know if I even know what that feeling is but I sure hope I get it…and soon!

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Symptoms of a panic attack often include dizziness, tightness in chest, sweating and difficulty breathing. When this happens on a frequent basis, it’s called a panic disorder but otherwise is considered an isolated incident.

Of course it could also be a heart attack so don’t be afraid to get to a doctors if you’re in actual pain.

There are medications available to help with panic and/or anxiety but cognitive behavior therapy is sometimes recommended. (More information at Psychology Today)

This seems like a sensible long-term plan because then you can work on changing both your thoughts and your behavior to help deal with the panic attacks so that they will eventually go away.

Both cognitive and behavior therapy are my favorite choices because they deal with the present and give you a sense of empowerment over your thoughts and your actions. Psychotherapy might be helpful with some who need to get in touch with their past or memories but I prefer to try to stay focused on what can be done now.

I can sort of understand how panic disorders can grow because they usually start with one particular thing but then lead to others.

As an example, years ago a dog snarled and lunged at me and its owner said that he never acted that way before. I ended up taking this to heart. While intellectually I knew it didn’t make sense, I was afraid to walk on the same side a dog was on for months after that.

If I did not get over that, I may have eventually avoided sidewalks and then going out altogether. What I did the first time was hold my breath and walked past stiff as a board, and the next time it was a little better and by the third I was all right.

I don’t mean to downplay an actual panic disorder and I’m sure it would be more challenging but that’s the closest thing I could think of that I experienced.

For more information or to seek support or help see:

• About.com’s pages on Panic Disorder
• AnxietyCentre.com
• Panic Attack Tips