Mental & Emotional Health

I have been given some bad medical advice in the past.  That would be an understatement.  I have been given some really bad medial advice.  But, one of the problems I deal with is chronic pain.  Before anyone starts yelping about drugs and all that, trust me, I didn’t want to be addicted to anything.

But, with the death of Michael Jackson and really prior to that, the death of Anna Nicole Smith, I was, have or are taking multiple combinations of drugs that those 2 used.  I became much more conscious of what was going on.  I didn’t take their advice that I needed to just stick with this anti-depressant or pain medication.  But, I did take a chiropractor (I love them) turned neurologists’ advice and I used the drug xanaflex.  And, quickly, I became addicted.  This doctors protocal requires drug testing at ever quarterly visit so that he knows that his patients are taking the medication he is prescribing and obviously not selling it. 

That’s fine except my insurance doesn’t pay for those and they aren’t cheap. So, I decide that I didn’t need the xanaflex.  And, when I ran out.  I didn’t have any refills and I did not make an appointment.  And, the withdrawal symptoms have been horrible.  I’m not happy and now, as I look around the internet, percocet, another drug I used regularly over a year ago is now on the hot list. 

What is going on?  Why can’t we trust our doctors?  Pain is what it is and I have my fair share of it.  Heck I’d like to see the average person who is used to going and coming and doing things with their kids break a leg and wear a cast non-mobile for 5 months without seriously  considering a wide variety of nerve calming medication.

Just try it, see how it works out for you.

My last post was about Prozac.  Prozac is an SSI or a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor while Wellbutrin works a little differently. Wellbutrin is used for depression just like Prozac but Wellbutrin has a different method.  Wellbutrin works to combat the chemical imbalances in the brain called neurotransmitters.  The two in particular are dopamine and norepinephrine. 

I happen to take a nice little “cocktail” of Prozac and Wellbutrin not going over the recommended dose of either but allowing the two drugs to work together in their own separate ways to help  make my life easier. 

Saturday was my second day with Prozac and only because I was too lazy to make the trip into town to retrieve the prescription and I was miserable.  I was not only miserable, I was making everyone around me miserable.  And, that’s what depression does.  I am not a fun, happy, loving person, mother, wife daughter, etc when I am not in possession of the proper treatment.  And my bests are, neither are you.

Do you guys remember when Prozac first hit the market?  According to their website, it was 1986, but my memory only takes me back to 1988.  My father had died, I was a pathetic excuse of a human being and Prozac at least brought me back to semi-normal.  I was failing at a major university where I had been on the dang President’s list prior to the loss of my dad.

According to their website, it was the first drug of it’s class and has since been a catalyst in bringing attention to mental health.  And, in case you all don’t know, I have a passion when it comes to this issue.  People who dismiss other people’s depression really makes me angry.  And, Prozac has helped millions of people in more than 90 countries when it comes to depression.

I am a big proponent of helping yourself and if you suffer from depression, you are doing no one any help by denying it.  And, if someone you know suffers, you are a killer if you dismiss the idea in favor of some gimmick to make them “feel” better or issue orders of “just get over it”. 

See, I told you, it makes me emotional!  Hummmmm, imagine that?

Do you remember in my last post at the very end I eluded to the drug Seroquel?  Well I asked that for a reason.  First I’m going to be technical with you about this particular drug.

Here’s what Web Md has to say about the drug Seroquel, “

he antipsychotic drug Seroquel may help battle major depression and generalized anxiety disorder, two new studies suggest.

Seroquel is already approved to treat schizophrenia and bipolar disorder (formerly called manic-depressive illness).”

I happen to take it to help me sleep.  Yes, I know, pick your jaw up off the floor, I take it because I am a freakin’ ox and no real sleeping aid helps me sleep.  Seroquel is great because not only does it help me go to sleep, it leaves me with no after effects.  So, from the technical side, whatever the doctor deems necessary to use it for, it works for me.

And, so from that perspective, it works for me.  Period.  End. of. sentence.  I love the idea that it makes me drowsy but if I need to be up and moving around, I can be.  For instance, one night I had already taken my seroquel and was preparing for bed when my cousin said, “I’m having a baby in just a little bit, if you want to watch, you better come on.”  I drove myself to the hospital, stayed up about 4 or 5 more hours and then come home and crashed.  I slept well, I rested and I got up a few hours later and went on with my day. 

Anyway, that’s that. 

Then, tonight, we were fast forwarding through commercials on DVR as we watched some show and…….we hear the words, “if you’ve taken seroquel…”   Immediately I say, rewind that but my husband already had his hand on the trigger.  The commercial?  The commercial was for people who had taken seroquel and developed diabetes.  It went on to show the technical portion of the little paper that comes with the medication when you get it.  Then, of course, why didn’t I figure it out, it was a commercial for a lawyer.  “If you’ve taken seroquel and have developed diabetes, please contact 123-456-7890.  Ok, whatever.

Now, time to do my research!  ACK!

So, if my sleeping for hours on end didn’t qualify as meditating, what is exactly the best way to meditate.  Here’s a few tips:

1. Find a quiet spot that’s free from distractions.  Sit on a cushion or a chair, lie down if sitting for too long is uncomfortable.



2. Choose a focal point.  Use that focal point to gaze softly upon, your breath, a soothing mental image such as a waterfall or a mantra.  If you don’t want to gaze at something special, simply close your eyes.  (See, closing your eyes counts, just because I went to sleep means nothing, haha).
3. Gently allow yourself to bring your full attention to your focal point.  Your mind will drift but don’t be upset with yourself when you become distracted.  Just acknowledge the wandering and then try to return to your focal point.

It is simple even if it may seem uncomfortable and pointless at first.  But the mind is conditioned to jump from one thought to another and training it to rest is not easy.  But the results are huge. 

I find it extremely easy for my mind to wander. Focusing is difficult when you have ADD and you are awake, never mind the difficulty when you are suppose to be focusing on something. So, I do find that it helps to think about soft flowing water, quiet music and candle lit rooms. It definitely helps and then to feel the air going in and out of my lungs as each body part relaxes. Definitely these tips help.

I love to sleep.  So much so that it annoys most folks that know me.  Regardless of whether the sleep affects them or not, people get all bent out of shape over my desire to sleep.  Now that I have children it is different for obvious reasons.  But, when I was younger, single, or it was just me and my husband, people would complain anytime I suggested a nap.  Why?  Who was I hurting?

Finally, right before I met my last husband, my roommate was quite vocal about my ability to sleep. We won’t discuss her ability to drink but anyway, it would drive her crazy because I would sleep so much.  Anyway, I finally started telling her I was meditating.  At least she would leave me alone that way.

And, the more I thought about it, the more I figure that the time I spent in bed, awake, doing deep breathing exercises trying to clear my brain…it was meditating, wasn’t it?

There are 3 popular forms of meditation and even though my form (sleeping) doesn’t necessarily get listed, it still works…trust me.

1.  Transcendental Meditation which uses a mantra

2.  Mindfulness Meditation or Insight Meditation or Vipassana involves nonjudgmental observation of thoughts as the focus on breathing or a seen or visualized object takes place

3.  Visualization Meditation is used to relieve pain.

So, see, I wasn’t too far off was I?

When I got to the doctor today for my visit to see about good ol’ Mr. Prozac, our doctor had called in sick.  UH?  What do you mean he called in sick?  Doctors can’t do that?  Can they?

So, until Monday, we will wait.  However, at the present time I have a headache the size of Montana.  Not that I’ve ever been to Montana, but it’s just how the saying goes.  Anyway, til Monday….we will see.

But, this headache?  Any one?  Ideas?

I am a sleeper.  I’ve always been a sleeper.  I make jokes with people about it because it is quite spectacular to see just how much I can sleep. I once had a roommate that wouldn’t leave me alone about joining her and her friends for movies and pizza or just drinking beer and watching ball games.  I never could make her understand, I enjoyed sleeping.  I finally telling her that I wasn’t really sleeping, I was meditating.  I swear, for me, it was just as healing as meditation.

I’ve made jokes over the years about how the life in my dreams is better than the one in reality so why not sleep when I get a chance.  People simply dismissed it as depression and medicated me.  As you may or may not know, most anti-depressants may have a sleepy effect.  So, that wasn’t always a great idea.

For some one who could sleep as much as I could, I had problems going to sleep and then, I’d wake all during the night.  It was ridiculous.  For many years I took over the counter sleep aids, then I graduated to prescription medications.  The problem remained.  I’ve tried a variety of the popular sleep medications on the market, prescription and non-prescription.  The anxiety I have though was much stronger than the any sleep aid out there. 

Ambien made me hallucinate.  And, I tried it several times over a five year span and I would always return to the same hallucination.  It really was nutty.  So, doctors would keep playing with sleep inducing drugs.  But, as I’ve told you several times, I found a doctor who specializes in chronic pain as well as mood disorders, emotional disorders, etc.  He really has been great for me.

He is the person who convinced me to go to the Sleep Clinic.  I do indeed have sleep apena.  And, I don’t take a sleep-aid to go to sleep, I take a very strong dose of a drug used to treat bi-polar disease.  I am not bi-polar, but I do have such a high strung personality that it takes a drug that strong to settle me into sleep.  The first night at the sleep clinic, even with the drug I normally take, I never entered the deepest zone of sleep.  The technicians were in awe.  He jokingly said that I also managed to run about 10 miles.

I returned to the clinic with doctors orders for a sleep apnea machine.  That night I entered the deepest zone of sleep approximately 45 minutes before time for me to get up.  However, I wasn’t waking 15 or 16 times an hour from sleep apnea and I managed to run a much shorter distance.  Success?

By most folks standards that would probably not be success.  I mean, I still have to take a drug that is made to treat a completely different illness in order to go to sleep, I have to sleep with the aid of a CP machine and I take a medication to curb the restless leg syndrome.  But, in my world, the fact that I make into a deep sleep every night means I rest more than I ever have before.  The legs remain still and it doesn’t take me hours upon hours to go to sleep.  (I remember having insomnia as early as age 8).

So, if any of this sounds familiar to you, please find yourself a good doctor, and a sleep clinic and get yourself taken care of.  I still love to take a nap.  I can be wide awake and plowing through my day and if someone suggest we quieten down and nap, I’m all over it.  I simply love to sleep.

The best I can tell, I was born to be a sleeper and my job is to dream.  As of late, I’ve been dreaming pretty doggone big too.  So, it can’t be all bad now can it?

Previously I posted about insomnia and it’s still been an ongoing issue for me although must admit didn’t stick to waking up at the same time every day.

Anyway, tonight I’m giving this guided meditation a go by Michael Mackenzie. He is apparently a master of meditation although I didn’t even know there was such a thing. As a bonus it’s supposed to help against addictive traits. I have the potential to become addicted to just about anything so this can’t hurt.

Unfortunately, the past few weeks have been highly stressful in my life. With quitting my job, taking a week off, starting school, having to write two mini-papers in the first 7 days of school, and friends moving away, you could say that I’ve had a lot on my plate. It’s been disconcerting going from a very stress free job to a job that the rest of my life could depend on. It has me thinking about how stressed I really am allowing myself to get for something that I could be more relaxed about.

(more…)

The DailyOM wrote a nice article on saving energy that spoke to me. It reminds me a lot of how I feel after being around large groups.

“Being a sensitive person in this world can sometimes feel very draining due to the fact that we are very receptive to the energy of the people and environment around us. Still, we want to be part of situations that involve small or large groups of people, and we would like to do it without becoming overwhelmed or exhausted. With a few simple strategies we can entertain at home and socialize in the world without running the risk of losing ourselves in someone else’s energy or giving our energy away. All this takes is a little time and practice, and the result-being part of social events without ending up depleted-is well worth the effort.

The whole purpose of this self-care ritual is to help keep yourself strong energetically when you are in a situation that could potentially be draining. For example, if you are having a party, you might take some time to prepare beforehand. Just as you spend time cleaning your home and preparing food, it is essential to prepare your inner home for the event. This can be as simple as taking a mindful walk or a cleansing bath, or engaging in any other activity that gives you energy. You can even just sit alone for a set period of time, tuning in to your energy and connecting to yourself so that you are less easily carried away by the energy outside of yourself. You may employ a mantra such as “I am centered and safe in the home of myself.” You can also charge a crystal or gemstone or any piece of jewelry with protective energy and wear it or carry it with you. This can be helpful during the event when just seeing it or touching it can remind you that you are centered and safe.

Keep in mind that it is always acceptable to excuse yourself for a bathroom break or to step outside for a moment. This can give you the time and space you need to check in with yourself and correct any energetic imbalances you detect. Whether you are at home or out in the world, taking care of yourself in this way enables you to keep your energy strong, even as you open yourself to others.”

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Early May brings about Taurus’s full moon; which also brings about a special Buddhist celebration; Wesak (or Vesak) is known as the Buddha’s birth, enlightenment and passing into Nirvana (Nibbana). The idea of celebrating these three life-events is akin to celebrating the major tenets of Buddhism.

The celebration of birth means we recognize that Buddha was human and we can also strive to achieve the spiritual heights he attained.

The celebration of enlightenment points us towards a goal in which we do all we can to gain the full comprehension of our own spirit’s intention in life.

The celebration of Buddha’s passing into Nirvana means that we are reaching the nadir of our spiritual development. We then complete our decision to leave our desires and we are finally arriving at our “oneness�? with the universe.

This year, Vesak day is being celebrated on two different days. It is celebrated on the full-moon day during the month of May, and since this May we have two full moons, we could have celebrated on the 2nd or we could celebrate on the 31st. (Sri Lanka, India & Malaysia celebrated on the 2nd while Thailand & Singapore are to celebrate on the 31st). Buddhists bring simple offerings (flowers, candles, incense) to the temple to remind them that “life is like beautiful flowers that soon wither and candles and incense that eventually burn out.�? Birds or animals may be released as a symbol of liberation.

Whether you are a Buddhist or a Mormon, I suggest you take May 31st to celebrate the beauty and ultimate brevity of our lives. You can take the chance to identify the light within us that bonds both the celestial and the everlasting. If you take this time to focus on the exquisiteness of our humanity and spirituality, you may be able to find the balance between them.

mental and emotional health, Buddhist, religion, Vesak, Wesak, celebrations

As I was starting this post, I made it three things into my list and then accidentally lost the post. Instead of getting really frustrated, I used my own aforementioned stress techniques and moved on. I couldn’t control (or save) what I had previously lost, so I am continuing.

For the past two days you’ve been reading about life-changing activities you can do to lessen the stress in your life, but have any of you been wondering about little day-to-day things that you can do to help yourself out? Well, that’s what today’s “Stressball, III” post is dedicated to. Pick one thing a week and slowly start adding it to your life in order to reduce your stress!

*Add something beautiful to your life on a daily basis (e.g., flowers). I like to get flowers. I love having flowers around, and am thankful that my roommate is willing to replant weeds & flowers outside to cheer us both us. If I’m really craving fresh flowers, I will just buy them myself to cheer me up! : ) Looking at flowers reminds me that there is always something good in life!

*Do some enjoyable activities whenever possible. What do you like to do? Read? Check out a new book! Enjoy cooking for friends and family? Try out a new recipe! Do you scrapbook? Take pictures? Run? Watch TV? Do something that you enjoy doing; that is definitely going to help you out!

*Walk, work, and eat at a relaxed pace. If you can help it, remember that slow & steady does really win the race. Take your time and keep yourself calm, even under pressure!

*Take a short break after meals to relax. If you like to, get out and go for a short walk after dinner. Sip on a cup of (decaf) coffee. Read the newspaper. Enjoy your meal and then relax afterward to let it settle.

*If possible, go outside at least once per day and notice the simple things such as the weather, scenery, etc. This goes along with taking your walk! You can go for a 10-minute walk during your morning or afternoon break or even take a walk during lunch-time. Get your blood flowing and count this as part of your daily exercise requirement!

*During the day, whenever you remember, notice and tension in your body (jaw, neck, diaphram, shoulders, etc.). Breathe deeply and gently stretch and relax any tense areas. Need some stretches? Print this out and tape it up near your desk. During your breaks, use this to stretch yourself out and breathe deeply while doing so!

*Avoid holding in feelings day after day, but instead, find a safe place to feel, express and embrace them. < a href="http://www.451press.com/more-bloggers-wanted/">Start a journal! Write to get your feelings out, embrace them, and deal with them as they come. Don’t just sit on your feelings and let them eat away at you. This is one of the best stress-relievers I’ve ever encountered and probably why I enjoy writing so very much!

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We’re back with stress relievers here … and moving on … to destress! : )

Qigong & Tai Chi are two yoga/meditation combinations that are rumored to be good for stress, too. I haven’t tried either but would be willing to check both out if they’d make me feel better! Here are some of the basic principles of Qigong if you’re interested in checking out a “psychosomatic regime, which through mind, breathing, and posture regulation aids in the prevention and treatment of diseases and preserves and lengthens life.” You’ve probably seen people on TV, or even in the park (yes, I’ve seen it happen in the park) doing Tai Chi. If you’re interested in checking out their moves, follow me to Tai Chi Instructions and read up!

Something that I’ve been doing for about three years now is Conscious Breathing which can also be called “transformational breathing.” Conscious Breathing includes actually thinking about the breath you are taking in and expelling. Rather than just allowing your body to autonomically breathe, think about taking it in and letting it out and allowing your body to cleanse itself with it’s own breath. There are very few websites out there, that I can find, that explain How To Conscious Breathe but this one in particular is worth checking out and trying if you’re interested.

stress, stress relief, stress relievers, quigong, tai chi, conscious breathing, transformational breathing, breath cleansing, mental and emotional health

I am a ball of stress right now. My nannying job may be falling through (they’re getting flakier and flakier day after day), I don’t have another job lined up, my job is currently ending on Friday, I’m not feeling well physically, I’m nervous about school, then money issues come into play with all of this. Needless to say, life is a bit hectic and messy for me right now. I’m not happy with that, and so I’m looking at some real stress-relievers for myself and figured that I’d share them with my faithful readers! This will take a few posts and stretch out to a few days so bear with me and enjoy! : )

First of all, when I’m stressed, and no one is home (because being watched during this stresses me out!) I like to let my body stretch out and do some yoga. There is a yoga practitioner near you and you can get yourself into a class to check it out. If money is one of your stressors (hi, that would be me!), you can even find free online yoga postures and watch streaming videos of yoga postures. Even your dog can do yoga … or should I say dog-a?

Another stress reliever I’m just now getting into is something that makes me laugh a little still. Most of the time, when you think about meditation, do you think about little bald men sitting on the floor “om”-ing? Well, it can be a bit more complicated and cleansing than that. There are many “learning” meditation sites out there, but I’ve found a lot of knowledge from a few specific meditation blogs I’ve read. Meditation Air makes me laugh “well, I guess that life, thats Zen and I have to accept this…….agrrrrrrrrrrh…” and so that’s a good stress relief. The Meditation Journey is also another blog to check out if you’re looking to watch someone actual travel to become their most Zen being.

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