Mental & Emotional Health

Unless you have experienced symptoms of withdrawal yourself, let me shed a little bit of light on the condition for you.  What am I talking bout?  Well, I am talking about my ability to wean myself various drugs that I have been taking over the course of several years that I probably should have been warned about by my physicians early in my life. 

But, there in lies the problem, most doctors simply write the prescription and then do not arm the patients with the knowledge of how the patients life could change at the drop of the hat.  Patients lives take changes everyday and with insurance companies becoming so complicated, doctors often write the medication scripts and then don’t see their patients again for months. 

In the time of 3 or 6 months, so many changes can occur.  I think that I have one of the best doctors around as if he changes any dosage of any of my meds or he adds or takes away any medication, he always see’s me again in 2 weeks and then usually in 6 weeks before we return to quarterly visits.

Listen, insurance companies may call it nuts, I call it the most sense I’ve heard from a doctor in a very long time.  I try to stick with one doctor for related services, for instance, I sue the same doctor for depression, anxiety and counseling, I use another doctor for thyroid, diabetes and the like and I then my orthopedic specialist shares his office with ortho specialists.  And, it does help prevent over medicating.

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I know I haven’t done anything but talk about MJ since last Thursday.  But the truth is, there is so much for people who suffer from depression and anxiety to learn from this.  And, it’s extremely sad to think that it took the loss of such a man.  But, there was so much we just didn’t know about.

For one, he never had a childhood.  He was obviously at one point or another or maybe for many years addicted to drugs.  The thing about that goes back to my post the other day about this. 

Have you ever had surgery?  Did you get a prescription for pain medication when it was over?  Well, if the numbers are accurate, he had 13 plastic surgeries including the one to help repair his scalp that had second degree burns after filming a Pepsi Commercial.

So, with that, if you had been subjected to multiple personalities, the chances are, he was given pain medication.  And, in addition to that, as many as he had, the pain medications probably didn’t end before another procedure was performed and thus another cycle of prescription pain killers. 

And, 10, 11, 14 surgeries later and time spent on the pain medication can only lead to one place – addiction.  Ask me, I know.

Now add in the anxiety of the way people were treating you over your appearance, the joke surrounding he and Lisa Marie and their marriage and then, above all, his run in with the law.  Money spent, much money spent on child molestation trials and if you watch him as he is walking from the car to the court room, he was more than just a little bit frail.

So, let’s let the man have his memorial.  Let his family grieve and pray for his children and the people surrounding him who have lost a brother, father, son, uncle.

You know, as I mentioned in a previous post, I have seen some real crazy doctors.  And, had I been as smart man years ago to know that they not only don’t know everything, they also don’t always even tell you what they do know.

What does that mean exactly?

Well, no one every told me that I should have stopped the anti-depressants but slowly through a weaning process.  And now, now I can’t wean off of them no matter how hard I try.  Not that I have tried in a while but at this point, I am very aware of chemical imbalances and I am certain that my body is dependent in so many ways. 

But, I did make a decision to attempt to wean myself form xanaflex but I didn’t do it correctly and I have experienced some really horrible feelings in the last week.  First of all, I quit sleeping much.  I am having a hard time going to sleep at night and then I’m droggy during the day but can’t nap.  And, most importantly the back pain or tail bone pain has returned with a vengance.  However, I’ve made it a week and I am not going back unless it just becomes unbearable.

The problems with weaning was I didn’t really wean, I just quit them cold turkey when I ran out.  So, I’ve experiences the insomnia, the return of tailbone pain and some really serious jitters.  Add to that the running out of xanax which I don’t use it everyday, but I do use it when I’ve worked late and have a particularly hard time with the boys.  My boys are 4 and 6 and are really very very active.  Sometimes it’s difficult to cope.

I refilled that script today because I was having heart palpitations that I couldn’t quell and it was just necessary.  So, my suggestion to you is that if you find you need to wean, do it the right way, don’t quit cold turkey.

Sounds like common sense and I didn’t need this little experiment to know that.  I’ve tried to quit before cold turkey and it made me sick.  So, I knew better, I just thought I could do it.  I couldn’t.

Anyway, doctors need to be responsible for the drugs they dispense but patients have to take the responsibility for managing them right. 

And, that’s my 2 bits of advice for now.

My name is Alisha aka Moody Mommy. I am a homemaker/ pro-blogger/ answerer of all questions. I have been with my husband Bob for 10 years; through the ups and downs of infertility, my bipolar diagnoses, and life in general. We have been able to build a happy home with our two children. My daughter LuvBug is 6 and my son CuddleBug is 5. Though my days are filled with messes, spills, and an occasional fight; I would not trade my life for anything.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health 41% of the women polled were too embarrassed to talk about their depression. 32 is the average age that depression sets in.

Depression is a real Mental Illness. It is not a funk you get out of in a day or two. Depression does not have an exact starting point and ending point. A person who is truly depressed can not give you a pin point reason why they are depressed. Most times a person with depression can not even decipher that they are depressed. Depression comes on slow, as the chemicals in your brain begin to come unbalanced. You will not snap out of it until you fix the imbalance of chemicals.

Depression affects other areas of your body as well. According to the National Headache Foundation, 80% of headache suffers experience symptoms of depression. In 2008 a Dutch study stated that people, who have suffered from depression before the age of 60, are 4 times more likely to be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

There are activities one can do to help alleviate the effects of depression. Exercise is the absolute best friend for a person dealing with depression. A thirty minute brisk walk around the neighborhood can make all the difference in the world. Exercise will release the all important ‘feel good’ chemicals that your brain needs.

Find your social support. Getting together with friends and family will greatly increase your mood and outlook. One can join a community or church organization; schedule a monthly get together with your closest friends. This support will allow you the freedom to talk about your depression and realize you are not alone.

Find a doctor you can trust and rely one. Discussing your condition with a doctor will help you to see the options you have. There are medications that can be prescribed or herbs and vitamins you can take. Therapy is also an option; Cognitive Behavior therapy is a proven treatment plan that is as effective as some medications. Be sure to find a therapist who is trained in CBT.

For more information on Depression please go to:

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

So, how do you control anxiety?  One of the many ways is a nice little pill known as xanax or alprazolam.  I know lots of people who….even just the least thunderstorm sends their nerves astray and xanax, and for some people, a simple crumb of xanax will calm them enough to get through.  I’ve seen animals in need of a some numbing medication when it comes to thunderstorms and I have a friend who does as well.

So, what does it do?  It numbs, it calms, it helps the world go round a little smoother in times of distress.  Yep, just like that, if you’ve never taken anything like this, a very low dose is usually enough and for some people, just simply breaking the lowest dose in half is enough to settle their nerves so that the mere thunderstorm can induce. 

So, basically the drug is part of a group of drugs known as benzodiazepines and there are many of those that come in various names other than Xanax.  The basic rules for this is that this medication can cause birth defects in an unborn baby.  And, of course, before taking xanax, tell your doctor if you have any other history of depression, suicidal thoughts or addiction to drugs or alcohol.

What does the word mental health mean to you?  What kind of person do you picture when you hear those words.  Do you see someone with wild hair, yelling curse words or behaving erratically or do you see the woman next door, ponytail, sweats, tennis shoes, going out for a grocery run?

Either way, mental and emotional health is what it is and there should be no stigma attached to admitting that you  need some help.  I’ve been a big proponent of seeking help for a long time.  But, right now, I’m ready for an upgrade of sorts.  An upgrade, exactly what does that mean?  I know, I can see visions of automobiles with extra amenities or a house with bullet proof doors but for me, I see an increase in medication. 

It seems, as of late, I’ve been quite the grouch.  I mentioned many months ago that I made the change from Cymbalta to Prozac and that I was quite amazed at how easily I transitioned.  But, much like Prozac reacted before, my body just seems to need more of it as time goes by.  And, that time is now.

Prozac, you are my friend.

I make no bones about the fact that I am the person I am today because of a good psychiatrist and good medication.  I don’t like the wording of “good drugs” but honestly, that’s what it was.  It was a great cocktail mixed by my awesome doctor and it has made me able to function.

And, with that, I was able to fly my social wings this past weekend at Blissdom and I can honestly say that I haven’t felt as young and revived as I did sometime late Saturday evening.  I fell in love with the ability to talk to anyone about anything.  I regained the ability to listen and learn and find ways to make it all apply to me.  I found a way to let my emotions, good ones this time, not bad, get terribly out of control. 

I found myself in a sensory over-load and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  If you were at Blissdom and you’ve just found your way over here, welcome.  I am open, I am honest.  I don’t sugar coat anxiety and depression.  I don’t sugar coat the fact that the depression after my father’s death lasted no less than 10 years.  I don’t sugar coat much of anything…and I like it that way!

So, enjoy, join in and have a good time!

I know, all I’ve talked about since last Thursday morning was the amount of physical pain I am in.  But, hello…broken bones…hello…walked on it all day long, then hobbled around all weekend without any sort of wrap or brace….only to see my doctor as late as possible it seemed on Monday.  Yea, it’s broke he said.  The good news, it wasn’t displaced…so just one of these wonky air casts.

Now, here’s where this starts to burn on your mental capacity.  Yes, I know I was taking pain medicine and I should surely blame that for my silly mistake, but, alas, I think it was just me, not thinking.  I am at full mental capacity in most areas and I try my best to haul everything around in my brain.  So, when I broke my foot, that was just one more bit of information I had to work with.

I couldn’t remember the doctor that did my thumb surgeries name?  Oh yea, my mom had his card.  I called him, I went in, he called it broken, put this GRAY air cast on my foot and shoo’d me out the door.  Now, that “Gray” part is important.  Stick with me.

Next weekend  I will be attending a blogging conference in Nashville with a bunch of ladies I have been dying to meet.  And, all week long, as I’ve chatted in posts, in chats, in tweets, in text messages, I’ve reminded each and every one of them “I’ll be easy to spot, I’ll be the one with the big ugly black boot on my foot.”

Today, as I was tweeting that story of the big black boot, I looked down…ah ha, no one would have ever guessed it was me, the boot is gray not black at all?  It was never black.  I never had a black boot, it’s always been gray. 

Yea, my mental capacity is running on empty.

Does this look black to you?  Anywhere?

I’ve already mentioned Prozac and Wellbutrin and now I’m going to hit you with another drug.  I don’t take Cymbalta anymore.  I did for a while and the more I read about it and consider my symptoms, I think switching was not a really good idea.  But, it’s done and it was a difficult switch.  I’m not up for switching again.

My reasoning is simple.  It’s a pretty well known fact but rarely documented one that I have fibromyalgia.  If you read my personal blog, you know more about this and if you know anything about fibromyalgia, you know that some doctors recognize it and try to help with the symptoms while others sit back and call us depressed and crazy.  I’m not too fond of being told that something is all in my head when I’m bent in half and having a difficult time walking. 

And, since I changed from Cymbalta to another drug, I’ve had more days like that.  I have more pelvic pain, more pain in my legs and I have a lot more headaches.  If you aren’t familiar with the symptoms, give this site a read, you’ll know so much more and be so much more empowered if it is you that’s suffering.

Below you will find a photo that I found on someone else’s blog.  Usually I don’t get to freaked out when people discuss anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs unless they happen to be talking smack about the folks who need them.  And, then…then I get terribly bent out of shape and I start to get this twitch in my lip, my brain starts to work overtime and I feel as if I might explode any minute.

So, when I saw this sign, and read the post that went with it, I got a good hearty laugh, which really, it isn’t like me to find this kind of thing funny.  But,the post that accompanied the photo was very much pro-medication if you need it so of course, that makes it a lot easier to get a good laugh. 

As someone who has used all 3 of those drugs at some time or another and just happens to be using the one in the middle now, I can’t help but get a good hearty laugh.  Yea, Zoloft wasn’t very kind to me and Paxil was good while I was pregnant but you know, pregnant women are kind of weird and hormonal anyway.  

Prozac was my friend all the way back in the late 80’s and early 90’s when it first came out on the market.  I remember people were going on Oprah talking about how Prozac was causing people to have these urges to have sex and the people were going out and doing wild things.  I also remember my mom freaking out when she heard this kinds of things.

I gave up on in early 2002 but came back to it about 6 months ago and couldn’t be happier.  It really is a good drug for me.  And, on a side note, if you’ve ever rode in the vehicle with someone who has serious rode rage or been the victim of someone who has rode rage, that sign gets just a tad bit funnier doesn’t it?

So much going on, you know for someone who has a tendency for anxiety attacks, all this action is really not a good thing.  I haven’t been back to see my psychiatrist and we’ve basically stopped seeing the counselor as well.  Time, all that takes time. 

I will get back to my psychiatrist as soon as possible because I can’t get medication filled any other way.  But, right now, my time has been spent with my head on my pillow nursing one sinus infection right after another.   And, if you don’t think you physical health will affect your mental health, you just give it a try and see what happens.

Honestly, I’m down, call it depression, call it apathy, call it whatever you want, you can even call it too low dose of a certain medication called Prozac but the fact of the matter is, the germs are horrid around here right now.

My son’s have both been sick with runny nose and high fever junk.  One had impetigo and at the same time he had his eyes checked and we learned he needed glasses.  So, you see, call it whatever you want, I call it very busy.

And, of course, you gotta throw in a bridal shower, a birthday party for the "3.99 year old who is not potty trained" and another party on Wednesday of this upcoming week on his real birthday, a couple of Thanksgiving meals, decorating for Christmas and then we have to do birthdays again not long after….what would be your diagnosis?

When I had my children, I was already under the care of a physician and a psychiatrist because I knew I had tendencies to get depressed.  I also have tendencies to be very happy.  And, 10 seconds later, very depressed.

And, having babies and messing with the hormones in your body, that’s all well and good, but if you haven’t lived it, you just don’t get it.

If you don’t believe me, go read Her Bad Mother, and I promise you will return with a light bulb moment, thanking writers like her for helping us through the hard times.

The transition from one anti-depressant to another is never easy.  But, knowing that OCD tendencies are more than just a little overboard when untreated, I’ve tried to be let my family get by with as much as possible.  But, sometimes, well, many times, I blew my top over a misplaced shirt or watch or pencil.  It really shouldn’t be that way.  No one should be so obsessed.  But, I am.

The Prozac helps with those feelings a lot and the Cymbalta was as well.  But, the Prozac doesn’t seem to be pushing the button far and long because quite often I’m losing my cool.  Hopefully by the time I get back into the doctor (which I had last week and he wasn’t in), I will have a good feeling about whether to up the dose or keep pushing my luck with this low dose.

As for being reasonable….you will really just have to see this picture and realize that I haven’t even had one fit over any of it….

I’m still undecided as to whether I need a higher dose of Prozac but for now, I think I’m going to ask to continue on the present dose but get permission to up it before my next appointment if I think it is necessary.  One true test will be today when we have to rush after Wayne gets home for us to go run an errand, make it to our counseling appointment, we each see the psychiatrist and then we need to be at our son’s school by 6pm for parent visitation.

How I hold up under that will be an awesome test of the ol’ stand by Prozac.  I love that stuff.

I don’t like the tone of voice that my husband and I are raising our children in.  I know, that sentence shouldn’t end with a preposition, but blah, this post may not have any punctuation.  I’m feeling very dumpy and guilty (the parental guilt kind) and I just need to get the words on paper.

When I read blogs of other parents and they discuss gushing details of their child(ren)’s lives, I catch myself wondering why I haven’t experienced that with my child.  For instance, I just read a woman that said every morning she asks her daughter, "what did you dream about last night?"  I’ve never done that.  It has never occurred to me to do that.  I have to slow down and live more.

Our days are more and more pushed for time and it makes me panicky and agitated when things don’t go as planned.  When I get panicky and agitated, the manner in which our children "hear" us changes.  Notice I am taking the blame for being the agitated one but my husband’s attitude changes when mine does.  And, sometimes, his changes on it’s own, but usually it’s mine.

Anyway, we are rushing through every day just trying to do this and do that and I can’t say when the last time we sat down and just enjoyed each other was.  Since we sold the daycare (which was suppose to open up so much family time for us), I’ve been trying to work from home via this little Internet’s and my mom helps with the boys.

Both boys prefer to be with her than with either of us.  She is tolerate.  We are not.  She gives them 100% of her attention, we do not.  And, as I lie in bed thinking about today (Friday), I was almost crushed in tears.  The waves of guilt came crashing down. 

What could I have done to prevent my 5.5 year old son from throwing a horrible fit in front of his classmates and being severely punished for it?  What could I have done to put a stop to the craziness instead of promoting it?

Why did we have to hurry this morning?  Why couldn’t he have just one more drink?  Why am I mad all the time?  Why is my husband mad all the time?

Add to that my own issues lately with the fact that our children are rude and disrespectful when they talk to adults and I realized, they are merely repeating what they hear.  I’ve mentioned this to my husband before and we both say we are gonna do better, but then, life gets out of control again, and the smart-alec words start to flow.  What they hear, is what comes out of our (me and Boy Genius’s) mouths.  It’s not filth or cursing or anything of that nature.  Just general lack of thank you and please, the yelling of uh’s and yeah’s and throw in the demands, "do it now" or "bring it to me right now" or "stop it or else" toss in a side of "it is none of your business" and you have one down right rude set of children.

I don’t like it.  We are going to change it.  The change has to be with my husband and I.  And, since I can’t change him, I am starting this change with myself.  I know lots of people would cut me some slack because I just changed anti-depressants and I’m sure the dosage is not right yet, plus the TMJ and the sinus and the back but…you know what, does any of that matter. 

Maybe all of that wouldn’t seem so bad if I would enjoy my children, live through their little lives and try to enjoy my own life more instead of running….running…..running….to no where, just come on, we have to go, we have to get here, there and back, now come on, let’s go, put your shoes on…no wonder things are tense. 

No one wants to live like that…not even a 3.75 year old boy that’s not potty trained and a 5.5 year old kindergartener who talks a lot.  Nobody!