Mental & Emotional Health

My husband aid he didn’t want kids to start with.  I talked him into one and he said one and only one.  Then, I talked him into two.  No way he way he says, two is too expensive.  Now, here we are 8 years later with 2 gorgeous awesome stupendous wonderful boys. 

Even still, my husband wasn’t fond of parenting.  I mean, he doesn’t like the discipline part even now and he does have to do most of it.  But, this year, he helped coach their t-ball team and he loved it.  He laughed, he hollered, he got excited, he enjoyed it.  I never dreamed I would see the day that my husband that has never ever played a day of a sport in his life was helping coach.

It all just kind of happened by accident.  And, we had the most awesome day yesterday with the boys end of the season baseball party.  On the way home, my husband mentioned that this was his first ever involvement with team sports (or any sport for that matter) and he ha a blast yesterday.

Of course, I have this cast on my foot still so he had to do the water park and the like yesterday and when we got home, he crashed.  He got in the tub for a long bath, then, he fell asleep on the bed sideways.  He got up long enough to move to the sofa and sleep a couple of hours and then back to bed with the boys.

Today, he got up with the boys, sent them off to church with my mom and he watched endless crime shows all day.  He watched racing this afternoon and then to bed with the boys.

Yea, he had a great Father’s Day….he left his computer at work but I sent him a really sweet email that he will read in the morning…maybe I can actually get him to admit how much he loves being a father………

Yea, you read that right, the Roller Coaster Christmas!  We arrived at my Grammy’s late - they had already started eating.  We were there exactly an hour and ten minutes.  That involved eating, cleaning up the mess, watching Grammy open her gifts and getting in the car to leave.  Period.  One hour and ten minutes.

Fast forward to the fact that we sat around home chatting (me and the husband) until we realized that we hadn’t done Santa yet and it was…er…midnight.  We knew the kids would be up early so we got busy.  We assembled and wrapped Santa gifts, wrapped one another’s gifts and then opened our personal gifts to one another.  That still left a couple of gifts under the tree that belong to other people.

Fast forward to about 3:30 AM and our door flung open and two little boys were gleefully playing with all the unwrapped gifts that Santa had left.  Even the gifts that didn’t belong to them had been opened.  Lovely, eh?

We put them back in bed and went back to bed ourselves.  I woke up at 8:30 and Wayne was in Walker’s bed and both boys were in the family room having a blast playing.  To satisfy the photographer in me, we made them sit down and Wayne handed them each gift, one at a time and I took a picture.  Whooopie!

Then it was time to start cooking.  We were having one guest for lunch.  I went in search of the ham we had purchased a week earlier.  It was no where to be found.  Wayne reminded me that we didn’t make it home with our milk that trip to the store either so….it was likely that’s where our ham was.

So, what would we have for Christmas dinner?  Fried wieners?  Wayne went in search of a canned ham.  Nope, most convenience stores don’t carry those.  As a last resort, I called a cousin that I know always brings my mom a ton of food after Christmas….yes, she did indeed have enough for 3 extra adults.  And, so Wayne went to get it.

Our guest arrived, we ate, we laid lazy and we went to bed. 

EMOTIONALLY DRAINING….EMOTIONALLY A ROLLER COASTER RIDE FROM ….yea, from HELL!

Emotionally I don’t cry much anymore.  I have assumed for some time that it was the product of the anti-depressants because, well duh, they keep me happy.   But, I’m telling you, right now, being physically sick made me cry.  I was so sick on Wednesday night and Thursday that I literally cried. 

As it all turned out, apparently it was strep but man, I felt like rotten awful dirt.  Which doesn’t really take much if you want to know the truth.  Either way, I slept most all day because a horrible steroid shot kept me awake all night last night.  I’m planning to go to bed soon in hopes of a normal day tomorrow..ahhh, normal?  What is that?

I have to make an appointment to see my therapist and doctor this week as it is medication refill time plus I need my records from him to check on having lapband surgery.  So, if that happens, you can guarantee, I’m going to be blogging some happiness, some sadness and probably some pain.  Oh well, that’s that!

I am going to a meeting Thursday night to see if I even qualify but apparently the nurse things I should be good to go.  I have to get to feeling better and my oh my, it has to happen soon!

So, that’s emotions in a nutshell…..what about you guys?  Do the holidays help you relax or exacerbate depression and anxiety?

And, one more thing…

12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS GIVE AWAY - Starts December 1st at midnight and goes through…..December 12th at midnight.  I have ten blogs, three of them have a contest running on them and the contests are different each day. 

All the information you need to enter can be found on the websites:  Mom~E~Centric, Mom is Teaching and Education Uncensored.

I look forward to seeing all of you there!

I’ve given you lots of information on me.  And, depending on who is reading, I may have given you way more information than necessary.  But since today is my birthday, and I have one official hour left, I’m on CST, I’m going to give you something Mental and Emotional to think about.

My parents were as different as night and day.  My mother a religious zealot (and I do not mean that disrespectfully in any way) and my father a complete liberal.  My mother was a scream at you, make you feel guilty by not speaking to you and grab the belt and spank you out of anger kind of parent.  Needless to say, I’ve kept a lot from her over the years. 

My mom played the guilt card because I hurt her.  In one of her marriages, which was actually a man she married 3 times, they lived in the same house, slept in the same bed, watch the same TV and ate the same meals, yet my mother didn’t speak to him for 6 weeks.  Do you realize how hard it would be do such a thing?  I couldn’t do it, but she did.  And, she would treat me the same way.  She would just quit speaking to me if I made her mad or even if I simply didn’t do what she wanted, not what she asked or expected but what she wanted.  She has done it to me as an adult as well.  As recently as about 16 months ago, she got angry with me, left my house screaming and crying and didn’t call me for 3 days.  I did call her a couple of times but she didn’t answer.  So, that’s my mom in a nutshell.  Don’t get me wrong, I love her dearly, but that is just how she is.

My father was a politician.  He played the guilt card on occasion but he played in reference to me disappointing him and how he had high expectations for me.  He taught high school and did for most of his career.  He simply had a better understanding of child development as well as how to deal with teenagers.  There wasn’t much that I was afraid to tell him.  Although I know if he were here now, he would have gone through periods where he would be very concerned for me, but I don’t remember anything that has happened in the last 20 years that he would have dealt me emotional or mental blows. 

Now, that’s not to say that my mom was wrong and my dad was right.  You know it simply doesn’t work that way.  But, the reason I started this story was to tell you that I got a tattoo today.  If my father were alive, I would have talked to him about it prior to coming to the beach or even prior to getting a tattoo to celebrate my 40th birthday.  My mom?  I still haven’t told her and I won’t until I am home and can show it to her. 

My father would have just given me the information I needed to pick a clean, well-established parlor.  My mom may decide that she is no longer going to help me with my children during the week or that she is not taking them to church with her the next day and she may very well not speak to me for a few days. 

But, the trick is, she might look at it and go, "oh my, why did you do that?’ and never mention it again.  And, she could just act like nothing is different, ask me questions about it and be done with it.

Now, as you can see, this absolutely ties into the way in which I was raised.  It directly shows you how my mother and father created my personality.  My mother causing the anxiety, my father trying to teach me and help me learn.  It isn’t all my mother’s fault that I was anxious and depressed as a child.  I can’t lay full blame on her.  But, I can say that in no way did she ever act as if she recognized my problems.

Even now, there are times when she questions why I take anti-depressants.  Why can’t I just go to church, be holy, know God and not need medication?  In so many ways, I am distinctly like my father.  They divorced when I was 4 and spent many years after that arguing. 

I love my mother.  I respect my mother.  She is simply different than me.  I will keep you updated on the emotional side of how this all plays out when my mom finds out that I chose a tattoo to celebrate turning 40.  And, without any more silly chatter, I give you a photo of my shoulder…this tattoo is brand new, less than a couple of hours old so it is still somewhat puffy…don’t be alarmed, it is going to be beautiful when it heals. 

Oh and the pain I expected to feel, it was almost pleasant in a sick kind of way.  I read a book and sent text messages back in forth with several people with my free hand to keep my mind off of it. I tried to send a book with my husband who has a fear of needles.  But, he wouldn’t take it, I would love to be a fly on the wall while he is sitting there being jabbed with a needle and ink.  His tattoo is an American Bald Eagle that has red, white and blue stripes on him.  Naturally, I’ll get you that photo as well tomorrow.

If you read any of my other blogs you know that I talk about going on vacation about 20 times a year.  Normally I"m just dreaming of some exotic nice place and sometimes I dream of the places that are familiar.  I knew we had a vacation coming and I was all set to go to Myrtle Beach.  We had never been and it was going to be a blast. 

The more we discussed our vacation spot, the more restless we both become.  This last year owning our own business and then my husband being involved in 2 big projects this spring and summer that caused him to work 12 and 14 hour days for about 20 days at a time, took a terrible toll on our family.  We were ready for a vacation.

Finally, I was the one who said, "would you rather just go somewhere that we know about and simply relax?"  I knew that if we went to a vacation spot we had never visited before we would want to take in all the sights.  And, honestly, with a 3 and 5 year old, sometimes that is terribly unrealistic.  So, the vote was unanimous, we would go somewhere that we knew a lot about (me more so than him, but at least we know what’s what and what’s where). 

The decision was a place I had visited since I was as young as 2.  Panama City Beach, Florida.  I have vivid memories of going there as a child with my mom and dad and then just my dad as I got older.  Then, as a teenager I visited quite often with other teenagers.  Let’s just say, even though a hurricane wiped the place out a few years ago, I know my way around.

None of that was the point I was after, but that’s what happens with me, I talk too much have too much to share.  We will be leaving in a couple of hours, taking or time since check-in isn’t til 4.  We are stopping at our favorite restaurant in Birmingham (P.F.Changs - any Chang lovers out there?) and then maybe our children will sleep a big part of the way with a full tummy.

By choosing to go somewhere familiar, we take out the factor of trying to run and see as much as possible in our 6 days.  Instead, we will hang out in the condo, go to the kiddie pool that has a lazy river and a huge children’s wading area.  We will go down on the beach and play in the sand.  We will go to the condo and do our kindergartener’s school work for the day while the little one takes a nap.  We will go back to the beach and pool. 

We will relax.  We are not running ourselves all over the place.  We will only go to the places that we know are good and we won’t waste money eating at places we know nothing about.  Maybe next year…..maybe then we will tackle Myrtle Beach.  I mean, I want to go to New York and just wander around, but that’s not practical with 2 children nor is it practical when you are really exhausted and wishing for more time to relax instead of more time to run around like a chicken with its head cut off.

I looked around and found some sites that have some great tips.  I’ll link to them and give you a couple of parting words from those sites….enjoy…and as always, tell me about your vacations and your hopeful vacations.

According to a survey at A State University of New York, men who take annual vacations reduce their risk of death by 20 percent.  Men who took no vacations in five years had the highest death rate as well as the highest rate of heart disease.

And, a study by a Wisconsin Medical Journal found that women who took frequent vacations were less likely to become depressed, tense or tired. 

As I mentioned, I have vivid memories of PCB from my childhood and I hope to re-create some of those for my own children.  And, believe it or not, that is one of the benefits of a vacation.  No fancy studies, no research, just plain common sense tells us that when you take time to go out and play and explore the world like you did as a child, you are revitalized by those vivid memories.

And, apparently, it is a belief that employee’s who take at least up to 2 weeks vacation a year are more efficient the other 50 weeks. 

So, hey, let’s get going.

As I went in search of more information, all I could find was reinforcement for what I just said; vacations stave off burnout, vacations keep us healthy, vacations strengthen bonds, and vacations help with job performance.

So, hey, now let’s really get going.  As always…

tell me about your vacations

tell me about your favorite vacation spots

Discuss.

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If you let it, Valentines Day can really stress you out. The media over commercializes the day trying to convince you to buy everything to “prove� your love. My husband has always been good for a card but with all the built up expectations there can be let downs.

I remember one year I bought these pretty little heart candle holders that I put on a table in our bedroom. Well, my husband was tired, came home and knocked them over smashing them to bits. Whether we had those stupid candles or not is not going to make or break our marriage.

If you build it up thinking it will be the most romantic night of the year, you are bound to be let down emotionally. Ironically, the day can end up causing more problems if you let it.

What if you are single? Valentines Day can be very lonely for people who do not have a date. Try to pamper yourself instead and fight the media’s notion that you are not complete without some romantic partner.

Grab a good book, have a bath, listen to music, invite a friend over for a movie and/or light some candles. There are many things you can do for yourself and don’t have to wait for someone bearing chocolates and roses.

I do believe Valentines Day is overrated anyway. So what if someone spends a fortune on Valentines Day? Does that make them a good potential partner? No, anyone can buy a couple gifts one day out of the year. What about the rest of the year?

Spending quality time together doing things you both enjoy on a regular basis is more likely to make for a successful relationship. For all we know that woman in the office who received jewelry and a dozen roses is going home to a life of hell.

• If you want to read something light, head over to Tulsa OK’s blog where Candy shares some insulting quotes from famous people.

I recently started reading another great Mental & Emotional Heath blog called Mental Health Notes and I’m really enjoying reading it. Alicia Sparks wrote a (mostly) light-hearted Christmas-themed post today about The Top 5 Things My Brain Wants for Christmas and I am stealing her idea … so I bring you:

The Top 5 Things My Heart Wants for Christmas

1. to physically feel well - I haven’t been talking about it much here (been concentrating on those depressed elderly) but I’ve not been feeling well. I have blood work scheduled for Friday to rule out some more things and we’ll see … but I’d like to not hurt this Christmas

2. to be anxiety-free - not only is my health stressing me out, but I feel like I’ve got a lot of other things to deal with lately. Life is changing, and while I absolutely love change, it stresses me out and makes me feel like I have too much going on. I’d love to not be anxious for the rest of the year … or the rest of my life, actually.

3. to have mental illnesses be stigma-free - while we’re definitely not in the dark ages regarding mental health, it’s still not an “okay” diagnosis to have. It bears stigma over cancer, diabetes, IBS and the like, and I just wish it didn’t. While we’re at it, can we remove the stigma from and HIV or AIDS diagnosis, too?

4. a good night’s sleep - like heavy, full-night-long, deep as the ocean sleep. I’ve been so tired and so stressed about being tired, that I can’t sleep and it sucks. Someone let me sleep!

5. the guts to karaoke - I don’t sing very well, but I can hold my own at church and in groups. I have NO guts when it comes to karaoke. I’d love to get these guts in a pretty container … maybe with some tasty tea, too.

So, dear readers, what five things does your heart want for Christmas this year?

I received an email today specifically asking for me to post about this subject. I think that it is for a worthy cause and do believe that we should help this woman out.

Today I’d like you to meet Erin. Erin is a 29-year-old single woman has Chiari malformations and cranial lesions. She is currently being treated at Oregon Health & Science University here in Portland, and she is struggling to pay her hospital bills due to being unemployed and therefore uninsured. Thanks to Oregon’s strict laws, because Erin has no children and is not pregnant, she doesn’t qualify for Medicaid. After a recent surgery consultation, Erin was told that she should have her first brain surgery as soon as she can, but she’s required to put down a deposit on her surgery of anywhere between $1,500 and $5000. Due to her illness, she has been unable to work for a year now and obviously doesn’t have this kind of money.

“Living with a Chiari malformation is painful and exhausting. Living with cranial lesions in addition to the Chiari? Is beyond any kind of description.”

Erin didn’t want to ask for handouts, she’s even hesitating to give away her PayPal information as solicitation for donations, but stumbled upon a MegaUpload reward program in which 5 million downloads from her account will earn her $10,000. There are a few stipulations to this download, including: only one download per original IP address per day, only downloads made from qualifying countries count, and no attempts can be made to manipulate or fraud MegaUpload for more points.

So, Erin has uploaded many word documents to her MegaUpload file in hopes of getting 5 million downloads. Then, to help her out, Cleolinda has uploaded a movie paradoy to the controversial book; The Golden Compass as a virus-free text file to MegaUpload. The book will be posted in four separate sections and you can download each section as they are uploaded. These clicks are being counted for Project Download - the pet name for Erin’s download project. I’ve had friends download the book and assure me that it is virus-free and a perfectly viewable movie parody.

DOWNLOAD a parody of The Golden Compass to help save a woman’s life!

mental and emotional health, Erin, The Golden Compass, Project Download, Cleolinda, cranial lesions, Chiari malformations

Today I’d like to look at how to avoid gaining weight during the holiday season while you’re eating. Later I’ll take another look at emotional eating and how to avoid that specifically.

How To Avoid Gaining Weight During the Holidays

> As much as you can, stay with your regular exercise program. The holiday season is incredibly busy, so this might be the time of year you actually need to schedule your workouts. Once you write them down, keep them! This thirty minutes of physical activity is not only good for your waistline, it’s good for your holiday stress level as well!

> Only watch the holiday specials on the television. When A Christmas Story is on, laugh at the “you’ll shoot your eye out with that thing!” line. Watch Charlie Brown’s Christmas special, but don’t just sit in front of the television through the holidays. Take your children out to see the Christmas lights, take walks in through the snow, go skiing; get out, do something! Take your kids outside to throw the frisbee or spend the family time playing touch or flag football! Even gramma can enjoy those activities with you! If you really want to be wild, turn on some fun Christmas music and boogie in your living room. You can even do that one alone! (Actually, I’m sure my friends prefer that I boogie to Christmas music alone.)

> TRY not to overeat. I won’t tell you just not to do it, but you can try. Don’t graze at buffet tables - don’t make your home near them. Get one helping of the things you really want to try, and then walk away. Drink a lot of water and enjoy the company of others rather than the company of all those fattening and sugary treats. Watch your portion sizes and TRY! If there are piles of fruit or vegetables, snack on those instead (but avoid the dips - they often have high amounts of fats and sugars).

> If you choose to drink alcohol, stick to one drink; or drink low-cal drinks. Stay away from the high-sugar cocktails or carbohydrate-filled beers.

mental & emotional health, eating, holiday foods, losing weight, holiday eating tips