Mental & Emotional Health

I have been reading about zen lately and working on letting go of negative things such as blame, judgments, cravings and rushing around.

It’s common for people to multi task and it’s often encouraged and even admired to be so busy that you don’t have time to stop for even a minute. Sometimes we work to escape so we don’t have time to stop and be alone with our thoughts.

If tasks are done with the expectation that when complete they will bring happiness, it’s a huge let down when they do not. There’s nothing wrong with setting goals either and in fact it’s a good idea to plan some things in advance but if you are not satisfied now, you are not likely to be later either.

• I love this quote: ‘If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied.’ You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled. –Charles Haddon Spurgeon

There are so many celebrities that have overdosed or committed suicide. I often wonder if it’s because they had everything they thought would bring them happiness only to realize it wasn’t enough.

How to stop searching and be satisfied now?

• A gratitude journal is a very good way of realizing what you have to be grateful for and to stop taking things for granted. It only takes a few minutes to come up with five things for the day.

• Meditation is also a good way to quiet your soul because it clears your mind of clutter and puts you in the present moment. When you are still and focus on your breathing and/or just enjoy nature you come away refreshed.

• Simply stopping to enjoy the simple things in life is important to your peace of mind. Savor the flavors of your food slowly, stop a minute to look at that dandelion a child has pointed out, stop and listen a minute to the street musician on the corner.

• Taking the time to help someone else is satisfying. Donating money is not the only way you can contribute to helping others. Volunteering, visiting a sick friend or calling someone you know is lonely are all ways that you can give your time. By helping others, you also help yourself by putting things in perspective.

Just sharing something light for the holiday weekend. It looks like I’m more right brained according to the Blogthing quiz which is no big surprise.

For more information and another quiz, see What Right Brain Left Brain is All About.

Happy Easter to all who celebrate!

You Are 35% Left Brained, 65% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you’re left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you’re right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

Thanks to Fear and Anxiety (learn to live without them), I came across an enormous list of stranger phobias.

• Ablutophobia- Fear of washing. This one has to be challenging. Fear of bathing or water is not that uncommon especially with children.

• Cryophobia is the fear of cold or ice. This would be a difficult phobia because even in warm weather would probably stay away from ice cream, popsicles, ice cubes etc.

Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables. Having a legitimate fear of vegetables cannot be easy because the darned things are everywhere.

• Thaasophobia- Fear of sitting. I cannot even imagine this one but it would definitely interfere with participating in many things such as meetings, classrooms etc.

Pluviophobia- Fear of rain or of being rained on. Can’t be fun. Have you noticed how many people start running very quickly when it rains though?

• At Life in the Fast Lane, there’s an excellent listing of the 60 Weirdest Phobias People You Know May Have.

Treating Phobias

Everyone has been afraid of something at some point or another. A phobia is different in that usually people know the fear isn’t rational and yet they still can’t control it.

Phobias are frequently treated with behavior therapy or exposure. Over time the hope is that the fears will become reduced and eventually subside.

Flooding is a quicker method where a person is exposed for a lengthier time. Apparently, you can only be full of anxiety for so long so after 40 minutes or so your fear usually subsides.

I’m curious if this is the method Dr.Phil’s guests with phobias are exposed to because many of them seem cured in a hurry. Not everyone can deal with this and if it’s used needs to be supervised by a professional.

More Information on Phobias and Help

At the Phobia List, check out the huge list of phobias that took years to collect. There is also resources for help with your phobias if you need it. (Phobia Links)

I have been horribly distracted lately by noise so was pondering how much that might contribute to our mental and emotional health. I enjoy some music but screeching loud voices, ambulances driving by, snoring and blasting televisions get to me.

Occasionally I can tune things out but certain sounds I cannot. At night I sleep with a fan running so that I can’t hear noises from neighbors outside or next door.

Everyone here seems to manage to drift off no matter what’s going on. Wild parties, thumping, snoring, dripping taps, nothing deters them from going to sleep.

• Since I’m an introvert I think that adds to my noise sensitivity. If you’re interested in taking a personality test, there’s a free online one based on the Jung Myers-Briggs typology although most people already have a good idea anyway.

There are probably plenty of extroverts who have trouble sleeping as well and get disturbed by noises. When I googled sleep and noise, pages full of white noise products came up. A fan works for me and it’s much cheaper. It might look a little strange in the winter but I’m not using it to impress anyone.

Relaxation Methods

To relax before bed meditation works well but if there’s a racket going on it’s hard to do. Soft music helps cover some noise and there are some relaxation tapes and CDs made specifically for meditation.

It’s important to get enough exercise also and if you don’t have a physically demanding job, it’s a good idea to work some sort of physical exercise into your daily routine. I find I’m a lot more wound up if I fail to take my daily walk. Yoga and Tai Chi also promote relaxation and if you’re interested in learning more there’s 22 pages of useful information at SolveYourProblem.com. (Exercise and Sleep Restfully)

You wouldn’t think clutter sucks your energy and brings you down but it does. Rodika Tchi, the Feng Shui guide on About.com shares her take on How to Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui. She makes some good points about how cleaning up clutter and organizing your space takes time and effort.

That does explain why many put it off including me. Your outer surroundings do often reflect how you’re feeling inside. If it’s cluttered around you, you’re probably cluttered inside with emotions as well.

Our main entrance is a nightmare but that’s because we don’t have a closet there. It’s in a very odd place way down the hall. If you saw the entrance right now, you would assume twenty people lived here because of all the pairs of shoes.

• I’m a bit of a pack rat but would like to become more organized. Instead of waiting for more energy I’m going to declutter and see if that doesn’t increase my energy. My sister is brilliant with that stuff and is actually going to become a professional organizer. I would love to have her over but need to tidy up first. I am still extremely uncomfortable in a home that does not look somewhat lived in. Throw a magazine on the coffee table or something!

I know someone who has a trunk full of stuff because there is not enough room in his house but the weight is really starting to strain on his car. He might need it some day though. See, I know I have a bit of a problem because I’m trying to find someone worse off.

Clutter and Hoarding

Over at the Psychology of Clutter Dr. Ragan wrote an interesting article about the difference between clutter and hoarding. (When is it Clutter and When is it Hoarding) Hoarders become extremely anxious about throwing anything out even if they know it’s useless. According to Dr.Ragan, it’s considered a form of an anxiety disorder. Clutterers are just disorganized although of course can be mentally ill as well.

Ending happy hours and increasing alcohol taxes is what the British Medical Association is lobbying for to fight alcohol abuse. Other suggestions were to stop selling alcohol earlier and to lower the blood alcohol level for driving.

“Britain is among of the hardest drinking countries in Europe, and the country’s alcohol-related death rate almost doubled between 1991 and 2005 — from 6.9 to 12.9 per 100,000 people.” (UK Doctors Urge Higher Tax on Alcohol)

I don’t know if they are really worse off because they have less homicides than America, yet one suggestion was to look to America because of the higher drinking age.

We ended happy hour in bars in Ontario, Canada years ago but then they decided to stay opened a couple hours later so I imagine they’re selling more alcohol than they ever did.

Apparently, in Britain they even have a bus deemed the booze bus because it’s specifically for scraping drunken people off the streets. Increasing the drinking age wouldn’t hurt regardless but that’s not going to stop people from drinking, especially if they’re already addicted. Raising the price won’t stop anyone either.

What may help is educating people on the damage abusing alcohol can cause. It damages families, causes financial hardships and health problems. Crime and violence tend to increase with higher amounts of alcohol consumption as well.

I don’t think the government changing the laws will make much difference. Offering more support for addiction treatment and educating young people on responsible drinking before they get to the legal drinking age might.

The example that adults show their children is the largest influencing factor for their future behavior and that includes how much they may drink. If children see others reach for a drink to handle stresses, that is probably what they will end up doing because it becomes the norm.

A study by researchers in Finland found that music helps increase alertness so stimulates the brain, which helps it recover from strokes.

The fact that many are inactive after a stroke shows the need for stimulation and music exposure makes sense. Of course, it helps if the style of music is something that people actually enjoy. In this study, they were able to select their preferred music.

“We found that three months after the stroke, verbal memory improved from the first week post-stroke by 60 percent in music listeners, by 18 percent in audio book listeners and by 29 percent in non-listeners,” Sarkamo says. (Listening to Music Improves Stroke Patients’ Recovery, Science Daily, February 21, 2008)

Teppo Sarkamo cautioned others not to give up on other forms of therapy because of the study but consider using it in addition to other therapies.

• Music therapy is also known to help reduce depression and alleviate pain. This is not really breaking news and many people figure this out on their own. I listen to music constantly and use it to help motivate, soothe, and generally improve my mood. I rarely do housework without music playing and I sing so much to my kids that it probably drives them crazy.

The fact that music also seems to help stroke patients recover is promising and I imagine it generally improves their quality of life while hospitalized. It can’t be too stimulating being inactive in the hospital without music. I remember reading about a woman in a coma who when she finally awoke said the only think that saved her sanity was the fact that someone turned on the radio for her.

A study published in December,2007 in the medical journal of the American Academy of Neurology found people over 65 could lower their risk of developing dementia by up to 29 percent.

They didn’t say exactly why this was but a theory that made sense was that it gets the blood flow pumping better through the brain. This lessens the likelihood of strokes, which also affects the memory.

Luckily, moderate exercise is still effective like walking because once you’re over 65 you may not be into anything too strenuous.

“Our findings show moderate physical activity, such as walking, and all physical activities combined lowered the risk of vascular dementia in the elderly independent of several sociodemographic, genetic and medical factors,” said study author Giovanni Ravaglia, MD, with University Hospital S. Orsola Malpighi, in Bologna, Italy. “It’s important to note that an easy-to-perform moderate activity like walking provided the same cognitive benefits as other, more demanding activities.” (ScienceDaily, Dec. 21, 2007—ST. PAUL, Minn)

Wayne Dyer discusses what happens if you act as if you are deficient in some way or need fixed. Of course you will never feel you have enough with this mind set but many of us do it. It’s basically “the secret� before it came out in different packaging.

If you ever said or thought, “Once I get that fill in the blank, then I’ll be happy� then you’re operating on the premise that you’re deficient. I have been doing this lately with sleep. Once I get a good nights sleep, I will be alight.

If you can’t stop and appreciate what you have in the present, then you will probably not be grateful for what you get in the future. You never “arriveâ€? because you’re still not satisfied since something is always lacking. Even when some people obtain their dream house they will say, It’s nice but it’s too bad it doesn’t have a fireplace, bigger yard, better scenery etc. It’s never enough.

Wayne Dyer is one of my favorite authors and has helped me through plenty of my messed up moments. He was still in the process of writing “You’ll See it When You Believe It� in this talk, which is also an excellent book.

This video is part 1 of Wayne Dyer on No Limit People, who he says accept themselves for who they are. They also appreciate what they have so are able to enjoy the present moment instead of worrying about what they don’t have.

When is the last time you took time out for a hobby you enjoy? Sometimes people say they’re too busy but most of us can make time to do something.

It can mean that you’re becoming depressed if you no longer participate in activities you used to enjoy. I know I get depressed if I stop doing things I enjoy anyway.

Not everyone is into the same things but maybe there’s a painting you wanted to paint or a fish you wanted to catch.

My husband is mad about fishing. I enjoy it but after a few hours, I get a little jumpy if I don’t have a book. Luckily, I think ahead and bring a couple novels to read.

Simply getting out and being in touch with nature is therapeutic or even just flying a kite. I like to walk and look at scenery because it helps clear my head and lift my spirits. Of course, it’s good for your health too.

I bought a couple patterns weeks ago and tonight am finally going to start cross-stitching one of them. They say funny things on them like “chill out�and “get lost� and a couple other ones are quite obscene but they make me happy.

The last couple of days have been a little hairy because half our household is sick and a couple of them are getting snappy. Since I can’t command that they all go to bed this early I’m escaping into the basement with my book and my stitching.

• The message for today is to take time out to play or participate in some sort of leisure activity or hobby you enjoy. If you don’t have any hobbies, start one. I have a neighbor in her seventies who goes to yoga classes regularly and it sounds like fun.

I have included the video Stop Getting Abused and Learn Healthy Boundaries which briefly goes over these fighting words. Thanks to Jef Gazley M.S. from AsktheInternetTherapist.

You

When trying to communicate feelings to someone one of the worst words to start a conversation with is you. It comes across as finger pointing and blaming. It puts people on the defensive because it makes it sound as though they’re on trial.

Examples: “You ruined dinner.” “You made me mad.” “You hurt my feelings.”

Better: Use I statements. “I was disappointed dinner was disrupted.” “I feel angry about that.” My feelings were hurt…or I feel sad, hurt etc.

Always

This one probably drives just about everyone crazy because most don’t always do anything. “You’re always late.” “You always say that.” One of my kids has grabbed onto this one and I keep correcting her. Ahhh! I don’t always say that! This is another good reason not to use it because it will come back to haunt you from your children.

Never

This sounds just as drastic as the word always and ticks people off. You never help me. You never come through. Again, it puts people on the defensive and will add more fuel to the fire. If you truly want help with something, starting out by saying someone never helps will not motivate them to do so.

The best way to manage anger is by avoiding unnecessary conflict with your own behavior and words. You could combine these words and fire them all out at once. I have probably done it at one point or another but it’s not very smart or mature. It will also probably cause an argument if one wasn’t already happening.

Boundaries: Stop Getting Abused And Learn Healthy Boundaries

Plenty of people become stressed and depressed in their forties but I wonder how many of them are really having a mid life crisis.

Maybe some people just want out of a marriage and decide they don’t want the responsibility of raising children or get bored of their spouse and job so run away.

Sometimes they run away with someone much younger. It seems mighty convenient that it’s almost expected and accepted that people will go through this crisis because you can always say “Oh that was because I was having a mid-life crisis.”

Does this make running off with someone half your age or abandoning your children ok? Is this something that we are supposed to simply acknowledge will happen and it’s quite alright for people to act like selfish jerks because they’re going through a mid life crisis?

Dr. Richard A. Friedman wrote an interesting article about using a mid life crisis as an excuse for bad behavior.

“The first five years of his marriage were exciting. “It was like we were dating all the time,â€? he recalled wistfully. But once they had a child, he felt an unwelcome sense of drudgery and responsibility creep into his life.

Being middle-aged had nothing to do with his predicament; it was just that it took him 49 years to reach a situation where he had to seriously take account of someone else’s needs, namely those of his baby son. In all likelihood, the same thing would have happened if he had become a father at 25.”(Crisis? Maybe He’s a Narcissistic Jerk, Jan.15, 2008)

I do believe people experience a mid life crisis in the sense that they question things and wonder if they should reevaluate their lives and their goals. This doesn’t always have to involve negative changes like affairs and/or drugs though and can in fact lead to positive changes.

I just don’t think it’s too productive for anyone’s relationship to say “Yeah, it’s alright if you take off, buy that motorcycle, go on drugs and trade me in for a young one with no kids. I’ll hold down the fort while you go sort things out. Have fun.”

Prevention

It’s better to catch these things before they happen by communicating and going for counseling together to avoid further harm to a family. It can work both ways and there’s plenty of run away wives as well. Perhaps some of these marriages are beyond repair anyway so someone had to have some sort of crisis to get out of it.

Encouraging the perception that most will have a mid life crisis because it’s the norm is not a good idea in my opinion because it leads many to have a handy excuse for irresponsible behavior.

Instead of simply allowing the mid life crisis to run it’s course, how about treating the depression first by exploring problems with a counselor, therapist and/or your spouse? It seems a more likely method to avoid divorce but it does take two.

Happy Valentines day all. I guess that wasn’t a very romantic post but I did actually have a wonderful dinner with my husband. I wish you all peace and happiness whether you’re single or married.

• Rena Sherwood is glad she’s single because she has apparently discovered that sex causes headaches. Check out Sex, Orgasms and Headaches for more.

The U.S. Supreme Court banned the death penalty for juveniles under 18 in 2005.

I agree with that decision but the conclusions drawn regarding past abuse, mental illness and addiction problems are things that will probably remain constant so will still apply when they’re adults.

Past abuse

Most of the convicted had suffered from some form of psychological, sexual and/or extreme physical abuse in their families. Past family abuse is a well known risk factor for future violent behavior so this doesn’t seem like a surprising find.

Mental Illness

A study of 18 convicted males was “to clarify the ways in which immaturity of their central nervous systems, traumas to their brains, predispositions to psychiatric illness, and chaotic, violent and abusive upbringings may have diminished their judgment and self-control.” (Lewis and colleagues study, 2004)

Signs and symptoms were present in 83% of the condemned, indicating either bi-polar disorder or schizoaffective disorder. I’m not sure how they came up with those labels. It seems many juveniles don’t have fully developed consciences so could be accused of being anti-social as well.

Yet another study confirmed that most psychosocial maturity is incomplete up until the age of 19. This could explain the bi-polar and/or schizo affective disorder suggestion since impulse control is lacking in both. Being mentally ill alone does not necessarily make a person more likely to be violent but an abusive violent family home does.

Addictions

Addictions were also mentioned as a contributing factor but how many youths suffered from a drug addiction wasn’t mentioned. This wouldn’t help anyone’s judgment though regardless of age.

• The only thing that will change is they will probably mature so their impulse control may improve. If juveniles are mentally ill and their frontal lobe is affected, growing older does not guarantee better impulse controls either. Medication may help but that’s only if they’re properly diagnosed and treated once released.

See When is it ‘Cruel and Unusual Punishment’? Supreme Court Bans Juvenile Death Penalty, Arline Kaplin, 2005 for more.

I watched an interesting film today on Pbs.org about ADHD and medicating kids. It attempted to address why two or three kids in every U.S. classroom are diagnosed with ADHD.

Part of the reason is because some doctors who specialize in ADHD also receive money from drug companies for promoting ADHD awareness. Some of the drug companies create presentations and lectures that include incentives and prizes.

They boost their sales through these promotional events since advertising psychiatric drugs or stimulants directly to consumers is prohibited by the DEA.

Since teachers see children every day, they are frequently in the position of making the suggestion for medication as well. They’re not qualified to give the diagnosis so should they be suggesting medication?

Who is qualified to make the diagnosis? If drug companies are paying off doctors who specialize in ADHD, how do you know which doctors diagnosis to trust?

• Noelle and Alex are two of the children on the film that seem happier on the medication than off. They say they feel better and their concentration improves.

• Robin stopped taking the medication saying it made him jittery and didn’t help. He was put on several medications until he finally refused any more and was angry with his mother for trying to force it on him.

• Nicholas was only three when his parents were told he had ADHD and medication was suggested. They refused and decided to take him out of preschool and spend more time with him instead.

Medication such as Ritalin and Aderol has helped some people. I think ADHD is being over diagnosed, which means some children are on medications that don’t need it.

If you haven’t seen the film Medicating Kids, it expands on the issue. It’s about an hour long and is broken into five parts.

Symptoms of a panic attack often include dizziness, tightness in chest, sweating and difficulty breathing. When this happens on a frequent basis, it’s called a panic disorder but otherwise is considered an isolated incident.

Of course it could also be a heart attack so don’t be afraid to get to a doctors if you’re in actual pain.

There are medications available to help with panic and/or anxiety but cognitive behavior therapy is sometimes recommended. (More information at Psychology Today)

This seems like a sensible long-term plan because then you can work on changing both your thoughts and your behavior to help deal with the panic attacks so that they will eventually go away.

Both cognitive and behavior therapy are my favorite choices because they deal with the present and give you a sense of empowerment over your thoughts and your actions. Psychotherapy might be helpful with some who need to get in touch with their past or memories but I prefer to try to stay focused on what can be done now.

I can sort of understand how panic disorders can grow because they usually start with one particular thing but then lead to others.

As an example, years ago a dog snarled and lunged at me and its owner said that he never acted that way before. I ended up taking this to heart. While intellectually I knew it didn’t make sense, I was afraid to walk on the same side a dog was on for months after that.

If I did not get over that, I may have eventually avoided sidewalks and then going out altogether. What I did the first time was hold my breath and walked past stiff as a board, and the next time it was a little better and by the third I was all right.

I don’t mean to downplay an actual panic disorder and I’m sure it would be more challenging but that’s the closest thing I could think of that I experienced.

For more information or to seek support or help see:

• About.com’s pages on Panic Disorder
• AnxietyCentre.com
• Panic Attack Tips