Mental & Emotional Health

I found out last week that the ex is in a serious relationship … and it hurt. I’m still hurting from it. He didn’t want to be with me through medical school because I’m “not worth taking care of.” Yeah; not very nice … I know. I’m glad that we’re not together, and I’m better off and happier not being married to him, but it hurts to know that he’s found someone “worth” taking care of. It hurts a lot more than I thought it was going to and I don’t like it. I don’t know why it hit me so hard today, but I definitely feel like retreating for a long while to nurse some very old wounds.

I really thought I was stronger than this. I really thought I was getting better.
Two steps forward, three steps back … what a cycle.

mental and emotional health, depression, divorce, dating after divorce, emotional hurt, medical school, cycling

When my mind and heart hurt, my body also begins to hurt. When my body hurts, most often I want to be touched … as weird as that sounds. Although there has been very little research (that I can find) on massage therapy being beneficial for mental health, it’s great for my mental health! Pauline King, a registerred nurse at Ohio’s James Cancer Hospital, and Richard Jost, a licensed massage therapist have done some cancer studies. Patients who were able to have even a 15-minute massage reported less stress and less pain than the non-massaged patients. This physical contact is remarkable for people; if they are comfortable with it.

Not only is massage (and physical touch) grand for mental and emotional health, it also, according to Diane Zeitlin (another LMT) revs up the immune system during times of anxiousness and fatigue. She discovered this after giving hour-long massages to medical students (talk about nerves!) and testing white blood cell activity (before and after). The natural killer cells of the immune system had levels of increased activity after massages. This encourages those in support of massage therapy for HIV/AIDS patients as it can help pump up the weak immune system.

In 2005, a study was done regarding massage therepy showing that cortisol levels can be lowered while pleasure-related brain chemicals can be increased. Massage has also been proven to lower blood pressure and heart rate as well. Another 2005 study showed that women with breast cancer given massage therapy three times a week for five weeks (my gosh I’d love that many massages!) reported less depression and fatigue than non-massaged women.

mental and emotional health, massage therapy, stress, HIV, AIDS, immune system, cortisol, breast cancer, depression, anxiety, Pauline King, James Cancer Hospital, Richard Jost, Diane Zeitlin

I love words. I started using words very early (both in spoken and written language). I have always used words. I read books about words. I make up my own words. I have a degree in (foreign) words. I love words.

Words give language their power and its potential to hurt or heal us. Everyone can remember a time (sometimes even years ago) when someone said something to you that hurt or picked you up more than anything else. Words stick with us! I remember the first true compliment I ever got … it was from a teacher in grade school who told me that I had “the most beautiful single-dimple I’ve ever seen.� Thinking back on it, it might be creepy, but it’s stuck with me all my life. When I feel ugly, I can think about this teacher’s words and they help to heal my own personal hurt. The words my ex-husband used to tell me that he was leaving me “you’re not worth taking care of� will also stick with me forever. When people talk about taking care of one another, those words are immediately what come to mind. Words can hurt and words can heal. What we say has weight.

The more aware we are of the fact that words have weight, the more we can deepen our relationship to those words. We can use this relationship to create feeling and emotional meaning with those words. Words are no longer an abstract & disconnected grouping of letters mashed together; they are powerful transmitters of feeling. I have a suggestion for you to help you recognize this. For the next few days, notice how words are affecting your body & your mental & emotional health. Notice how you can have different types of communication styles with the people in your lie. Notice how your own words come out and how other people around you react to them.

When you speak quickly, do your words have less meaning behind them? Are they less powerful? If you take your time, think about what you want to say, and listen to ourselves before you speak, do your words have more meaning and are they more powerful? If we can carefully think about what we say, we may be able to “harness the power of speech.� Allow your words to be able couriers of both therapeutic strength and radiance. Allow them to routinely transmit deep and positive feelings towards both the sender and the receiver.

mental and emotional health, words, power, healing, hurting, strength

Alcohol’s Effects Tough on the Brain - Explain to patients who ask that alcohol in moderation is thought to be protective against heart disease and stroke, but this study suggests that heavy drinking may accelerate the decline in brain volume normally seen with aging. The clinical significance of this finding is uncertain, but may suggest greater risk for cognitive decline in heavy imbibers.

Scientists Find the Gene That Decides How Long We Live - Scientists have come a step closer to understanding the secret of a long, healthy life with the discovery of a gene that plays a central role in the ageing process. The gene appears to be critical in extending the lifespan of animals that are subjected to a calorie-restricted diet - when they are slightly starved of high-calorie food but are given all the other nutrients they need.

Mental Health Checkups Important, says Margaret Trudeau - “We ignore sometimes that we may not be functioning as we used to, that we may be going through a problem,” Trudeau, the ex-wife of the late prime minister Pierre Trudeau, told CBC Newsworld. People will go to a dentist when they chip a tooth or to a doctor when they feel ill. Mental health is as important as physical health, but is often ignored, Trudeau said.

Persuasion: War of the Words - How to argue effectively, convince others you are right and win every time. An interesting book review on Thank You for Arguing by Jay Heinrichs (Three Rivers Press).

How To Fight—and How Not To - Arguments aren’t inherently bad. Conflict is often how we sort out what we really want from what we’re willing to compromise on. In good arguments, the terms may not exactly be kind and gentle, the language not always respectful and there may not be closure, but the argument has a beginning and an end.

Hear Me Out - Not getting what you’d like out of your interpersonal dealings? How to make win-win relationships at work and home. If you aren’t getting what you’d like out of your interpersonal dealings, or your relationships are suffering from the strain of conflict, you might be using ineffective negotiating strategies. Better negotiation skills can make you happier at home, more successful at the office, and more personally effective in any group situation. It doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but anyone can learn to be a more effective negotiator.

Phantom Pregnancy - In pseudocyesis, the mind tricks the body, and vice versa. Doctors think it develops when a woman obsesses over pregnancy out of desire or fear. (Queen “Bloody” Mary I of England famously suffered false pregnancy under pressure to continue the royal line.) A woman may stop menstruating, or her stomach may become distended due to stress or constipation. But her brain interprets the signs as pregnancy, which triggers the pituitary gland to secrete hormones like prolactin to prepare the body to carry a child. She gains more weight around the midsection, and her breasts swell and might even lactate. Many false pregnancies end when the woman goes into labor and delivers nothing.

mental and emotional health, alcohol, alcoholism, alcohol abuse, American Academy of Neurology 2007 Annual Meeting, genetics, calorie restriction, Salk Institute, PHA-4, Foxa, Louisiana State University, mental health, Margaret Trudeau, Pierre Trudeau, CBC Newsworld, medical checkups, persuasion, arguing, Thank You For Arguing, Jay Heinrichs, Three Rivers Press, book reviews, how to fight, conflict, education, interpersonal dealings, negotiating strategies, negotiation skills, phantom pregnancy, pseudocyesis, pregnancy, news

I get worn out pretty easily … emotionally and mentally that is. I have physical stamina, but my emotional & mental stamina is lacking. After being out with a big group of people, all I want to do is go home, sit and vegetate. I don’t know why this happens, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I am a highly sensitive person. I am very social; I love hanging out with my friends. I love to go out with my friends, have a few beers, dance, be loud & obnoxious and then I love to go home and be alone. However, according to this highly sensitive persons self-diagnosis test, I am a HSP.

I have to have an emotional recharge once I’ve spent my marbles. Speaking of spending my marbles, I did a search to see if I had written about my marble philosophy and I can’t find a post on it. I could have sworn that I had, but apparently I haven’t. My marble philosophy is thanks to Paula Kamen’s wonderfully marvelous migraine book
All in My Head: An Epic Quest to Cure an Unrelenting, Totally Unreasonable, And Only Slightly Enlightening Headache.

Kamen writes that she gives herself so many marbles each day (let’s say 20) and she can spend them however she wants. Once she has spent her marbles, however, she’s putting herself at risk for getting a migraine. I have 20 marbles a day, and I can choose to save them up for my weekends (only spending 15 marbles a day and then having lots of extra at the end of the week) or I can overspend and then have to recharge multiple times during the week. I’ve thought about actually writing down my marble values for what I do in life, but haven’t taken the time to do so quite yet. Anyway, if I take it easy all week, I can “overspend” what I’ve saved on Saturday. Lately, however, I’ve been spending my 20 marbles every day and then trying to overspend on the weekend. I then end up spending Sunday with the strongest desire ever to simply recharge.

I tried to do a little research on emotional recharging, but I can’t find much information on it. I know I’m not the only person out there who needs to seek alone-time in order to “prepare” for social-time, but I don’t know if there’s a technical term for it and I’m just making up this “emotional recharge” phrase that Google won’t find for me. What do you call your time when you put yourself back together? What do you like to do when you recharge? (I read, write, surf the internet, watch TV and sometimes listen to music.) Help me out here, readers! : )

mental and emotional health, emotional recharging, mental recharging, Paula Kamen, migraines, books, spending my marbles, highly sensitive people, highly sensitive women

As I was starting this post, I made it three things into my list and then accidentally lost the post. Instead of getting really frustrated, I used my own aforementioned stress techniques and moved on. I couldn’t control (or save) what I had previously lost, so I am continuing.

For the past two days you’ve been reading about life-changing activities you can do to lessen the stress in your life, but have any of you been wondering about little day-to-day things that you can do to help yourself out? Well, that’s what today’s “Stressball, III” post is dedicated to. Pick one thing a week and slowly start adding it to your life in order to reduce your stress!

*Add something beautiful to your life on a daily basis (e.g., flowers). I like to get flowers. I love having flowers around, and am thankful that my roommate is willing to replant weeds & flowers outside to cheer us both us. If I’m really craving fresh flowers, I will just buy them myself to cheer me up! : ) Looking at flowers reminds me that there is always something good in life!

*Do some enjoyable activities whenever possible. What do you like to do? Read? Check out a new book! Enjoy cooking for friends and family? Try out a new recipe! Do you scrapbook? Take pictures? Run? Watch TV? Do something that you enjoy doing; that is definitely going to help you out!

*Walk, work, and eat at a relaxed pace. If you can help it, remember that slow & steady does really win the race. Take your time and keep yourself calm, even under pressure!

*Take a short break after meals to relax. If you like to, get out and go for a short walk after dinner. Sip on a cup of (decaf) coffee. Read the newspaper. Enjoy your meal and then relax afterward to let it settle.

*If possible, go outside at least once per day and notice the simple things such as the weather, scenery, etc. This goes along with taking your walk! You can go for a 10-minute walk during your morning or afternoon break or even take a walk during lunch-time. Get your blood flowing and count this as part of your daily exercise requirement!

*During the day, whenever you remember, notice and tension in your body (jaw, neck, diaphram, shoulders, etc.). Breathe deeply and gently stretch and relax any tense areas. Need some stretches? Print this out and tape it up near your desk. During your breaks, use this to stretch yourself out and breathe deeply while doing so!

*Avoid holding in feelings day after day, but instead, find a safe place to feel, express and embrace them. < a href="http://www.451press.com/more-bloggers-wanted/">Start a journal! Write to get your feelings out, embrace them, and deal with them as they come. Don’t just sit on your feelings and let them eat away at you. This is one of the best stress-relievers I’ve ever encountered and probably why I enjoy writing so very much!

mental and emotional health, stress, stress relief, stress relievers, reducing stress, 1-800-flowers, fresh flowers, books, cooking, recipies, photography, taking pictures, watching TV, Aesop’s fables, meals, relaxing, walking, decaf coffee, newspaper, The Oregonian, outdoor activity, exercising, body tension, stretching, desk stretches, journaling, writing, 451press

This weekend I had the opportunity to learn something very important about myself. Sometimes I still feel like I’m the uncool kid at a high school get-together. On Friday night I went out with some friends who alienated me and made me feel like the odd one out. I ended up leaving the table they were at and sat at the bar talking with the bartender (who was actually a friend of mine) until almost 1am. It was petty, ridiculous, and now it’s water under the bridge, but my feelings were still hurt. I came home, climbed into bed and started a movie to take my mind off of things. It worked, but I’m still peeved at how I was treated. I felt like I was in 8th grade all over again and being shunned by the popular kids. As a 25-year-old woman who struggled with her self-esteem all though junior high & high school, feeling this again really hurt. After the week that I had, I’m sure that this didn’t help, so I stayed away from everyone yesterday. Mostly I stayed in bed watching movies and really spent some time thinking about how I handled the situation. I didn’t handle it well and need to rethink how I feel about “popularity.”

One of my friends sent me a kind note to apologize “ditching” me on Friday night and let me know that she wants to see me on Sunday night, which made me feel better - I think she understood how things made me feel. I’m sure that part of it was my fault because of my reaction to their strangeness, but I had to react to something that they were projecting and had to protect myself. Overall, it must turn into water under the bridge so that relationships aren’t ruined. Back to putting band-aids on wounds to help them heal.

mental and emotional health, personal issues, friends, being ditched, weekend, self-esteem, being hurt, movies

Yesterday I cried. I cried hard. I cried out of joy, excitement and nervousness.

I got my official letter of acceptance from Southern University of New York at Albany. I cried because it scares me. I cried because it’s exciting. I cried because I might have to move to New York!

I spent yesterday afternoon on the phone with Portland State and Oregon State making sure they had all my papers; they didn’t. I immediately emailed Oregon State the appropriate documents and then this morning I walked the stuff Portland State lost up to their admissions office and got proof that I turned it in. I will call them next Tuesday to see where they are on the “expedited” application status (since they lost the papers they are bumping me up to take care of things). Hopefully I get in to one of my Oregon schools and can stick around. If not, I’ll be near my LoriBaby and she and I will cause trouble.

MrE and I had a nice talk last night about “us” and sorted some things out. Neither of us are ready to “get serious” and so we’re going to just take things one day at a time and let things go. I’m absolutely okay with that and it makes me want to see him even more this evening.

This evening I am meeting with a possible new nannying family. I have been talking to the Mom (MrsCee) for about a week now and am looking forward to meeting her and getting to know her (and the two boys, MrTee and MrArr … and their dad, who is another MrE, but we’ll have to figure out if he needs a new name when that time comes) and seeing what their life is like. I hope I fit in there and can feel some security with giving my two-week notice at work.

I am a happy woman today. Happy happy woman.

SUNY Albany, Southern University of New York, Oregon State University, OSU, Portland State University, PSU, mental & emotional health, dating, school, education, employment, nannying, depression, moods, anxiety

I gave my two-weeks notice today.
Keep your new job vibes heading my way.

I have a couple of interviews already schedule this week and one is tomorrow … as an optometric technician … fancy schmancy words for “help people put on their glasses and take their money” which is good for me … maybe I can get a discount on my contacts! LOL

This scares me sh*tless, but I know I have to do it and just move on. My job sucks the life out of me and I need something new!

employment, new jobs, mental & emotional health, glasses, optometric technician

Lately I’ve been feeling quite emotionally insecure. I don’t know how I feel … I don’t know how I really want to feel … I don’t know if I’m supposed to be feeling something in particular … or what. I am confused. There is basically one feeling lately that I’ve been craving - emotional security. I had (what I thought) an intense sense of emotional security while I was married but after being divorced I’ve realized that my security was false. I was secure in what we had, but it wasn’t the security I really desired.

I want to feel “safe,” where ever I am; work, home, school, in my car, in a bar, where ever! I want to be accepted without judgment and criticism, communicate honestly, be my absolute true self, and feel safe all while doing it. I am going to refuse to trade any comforts for emotional safety anymore though … I did it once before and won’t be doing it again.

I feel safe when I’m around people who are emotionally available, honest, trustworthy and authentic … if they are their real self around me with confidence, I feel safe being who I am around them. I want to be around people who know and like who they are - that makes me feel safe. I want to be friends with people who have emotional integrity … they make me feel safe.

I feel safe being in friendships that I believe are going somewhere … something that will “work out” or be solid. I want to develop friendships that are strong and always growing. I want to be able to spend “dumb time” with people … helping them clean up their house, grocery shopping with them (even though I actually hate grocery shopping!), and I want to “waste” time with my friends. I don’t want to commit to anyone (friend or date) that I fear won’t “work out.” I must have an emotionally connected/matched friend. I don’t want to fear being alone, but I don’t want to be around people who are going to eventually move on without me.

Within the dating realm, I worry about this situation. If I don’t make a real effort to bring a guy close to me, I could end up fearful of or uncomfortable with being alone (which is something that I’m working towards getting over). If I work to keep a guy close, am I acting out of fear of losing him and being controlling? It’s a rock & a hard place!

In my mind, love is only achieved and thrives when there is no fear in a relationship.

emotional security, love, fear, relationships, friends, safety, personal, mental and emotional health

Do you have unpleasant, disturbing emotional and physical symptoms before your monthly menstrual periods? Do these symptoms disrupt your life and interfere with your usual activities and your relationships with others? Do the symptoms go away when your flow begins or shortly thereafter, only to return before your next period? If this description sounds like you, you may have a condition known as premenstrual dysphoric disorder or PMDD.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder or PMDD is a condition associated with severe emotional and physical problems that are linked closely to the menstrual cycle. Symptoms occur regularly in the second half of the cycle and end when menstruation begins or shortly thereafter. PMDD is not just a new name for premenstrual syndrome (PMS), a condition that affects as many as 75% of menstruating women. It is, however, considered to be a very severe form of PMS that affects about 5% of menstruating women. Both PMDD and PMS share symptoms in common that include depression, anxiety, tension, irritability and moodiness. What sets PMDD apart is its severity. Women with PMDD find that it has a very disruptive effect on their lives. Please read on to get more information about PMDD — what it is, how it is diagnosed and how it is treated.

PMDD symptoms begin sometime after the middle of a monthly cycle (after ovulation), usually get worse during the week before menses, and then usually disappear within a few days of the start of menses. The symptoms follow this pattern every month or almost every month.

Here are the symptoms that make up the diagnosis of PMDD. All of the symptoms do not need to be present, and they may vary from month to month. At least 5 are required to make the diagnosis, including at least one of the first four.*

1. Very depressed mood, feeling hopeless
2. Marked anxiety, tension, edginess
3. Sudden mood shifts (crying easily, extreme sensitivity)
4. Persistent, marked irritability, anger, increased conflicts
5. Loss of interest in usual activities (work, school, socializing, etc.)
6. Difficulty concentrating and staying focused
7. Fatigue, tiredness, loss of energy
8. Marked appetite change, overeating, food cravings
9. Insomnia (difficulty sleeping) or sleeping too much
10. Feeling out of control or overwhelmed
11. Physical symptoms such as weight gain, bloating, breast tenderness or swelling, headache, and muscle or joint aches and pains

premenstrual dysphoric disorder, premenstrual syndrome, PMS, PMDD, menses, depression, mood swing, hopelessness, anxiety, anger, loss of interest, difficulty concentrating, fatigue, appetite change, insomnia, weight gain, bloating, breast tenderness, headache, pain, mental and emotional health

So I’ve had a pretty good week … I missed work on Monday but have been on top of things the rest of the week … but today I am feeling weird. I went to bed right after Grey’s Anatomy last night (after crying, like I do every other week I watch the damned show!) but didn’t sleep well. I fell asleep eventually but was wide awake at 1am, hungry! So I ate some graham crackers and had a fitful morning’s sleep until 6:45am. Normally I’m up at 5am taking my time to get ready and do some thinking before I get going. This morning I wasn’t able to do that … so it probably threw me completely, even though I didn’t dwell on it.

I have a bit of a headache from not sleeping well, am having a hard day at work, and just feel low about it all. I just go back from sitting outside in the sunshine during my morning break and doing some writing, and still am not feeling quite myself from it all.

My job is getting me down. I am just spent at it. I am in a cycle of anxiety creating mistakes creating anxiety and so on & so on. It’s incredibly frustrating because I don’t like it (duh) and it’s creating tension for me at my job. I am concerned with finding a new job because I may only be working for six more months (if I get into school) but if I don’t get into school, I won’t be able to handle this job for much longer at this rate. I’ve never been in a position at work that made me feel like this, so I’m really down, and being hard on myself, about it. Any suggestions? I am thinking that even something as simple as changing to move to a different section in my office would help me, but we don’t have any openings right now. I am honestly afraid of getting fired because of how it would look within the hospital system … so I am torn. Argh!

My break is over, and since I’m really really trying to watch my P’s & Q’s, I must get going … but any input, from anyone … would be very helpful … even to just let me know you were reading and felt bad … or that you hated my boss.

This article on the fact that obesity is prompting early puberty in girls made me quite sad today. The University of Michigan (didn’t want me for grad school but I guess I can still offer their information to you) has found that girls are reaching puberty (as defined by “breast development”) at an average of 9 years old now.

“If you take a look at overweight children, obese children, females, there’s no doubt from what we see in our practice, no doubt that they are prone to enter puberty at an earlier age,” pediatrician Dr. Peter Nieman told CTV News.

…

“Our finding that increased body fatness is associated with the earlier onset of puberty provides additional evidence that growing rates of obesity among children in this country may be contributing to the trend of early maturation in girls,” study lead author Dr. Joyce Lee said in a prepared statement.

…

“It was unclear whether puberty led to the weight gain or weight gain led to the earlier onset of puberty. Our study offers evidence that it is the latter,” said Lee.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Interesting to see this, and it makes me even more worried about the hormones they’re putting in milks, meats and other foods. I am definately going to be doing a bit more research on this stuff as it’s going to bother me if I don’t!

The sun is out in Oregon today and it’s already 40 degrees. We’re still two weeks away from the start of Spring, but it’s looking gorgeous outside. I even broke out the jean skirt (but I do have tights on to keep me warmer) and a short sleeved shirt! My mood is up, I have a cup of good (decaf) coffee at my desk, and I have 10 minutes before I have to clock in. Today shall be a marvelous Tuesday!

obesity, puberty, girls, University of Michigan, hormones, genetically altered foods, Oregon, weather, clothes, spring, moods

A while back, I read a book where a woman living with migraines described her day in marbles. She as allotted 20 marbles a day, and she knew she only had 20 marbles to “spend.” Getting out of bed sometimes took one marble, sometimes it was a “free activity.” Having a drink cost her a couple of marbles, and going to a party was a large allotment of marbles. By getting regular sleep, eating well, and keeping a “routine,” she was able to save extra marbles and spend them later. I really liked how she laid this plan out and it’s something that I think frequently about in my own life.

I thought that over the weekend I was saving marbles, but I was actually spending more than I had. I am in marble debt, and had to earn some of them back today. I spent the weekend vacationing and relaxing, but threw my sleeping schedule and eating habits out of whack. I ended up having to call in sick today to sleep off a migraine, and ended up sleeping until almost 3pm. Hopefully I’ve earned enough marbles back to keep myself in check for the rest of the week. I have another busy weekend planned and so I need to ration myself!

migraines, personal, headaches, marbles, stress, schedules, routines

I have been doing a lot of reading about compartmentalizing emotions and the positive (and negative) effects that can have on life. An article written by Rachel G. Baldino really clarified some things for me this morning. Understanding “Emotional Compartmentalizing” and How It Can Affect Our Lives and the Lives of Those You Love says that EC “involves consciously or subconsciously suppressing or “compartmentalizing” or “sectioning off” upsetting thoughts and emotions in order to justify engaging in certain (sometimes questionable) behaviors.”

Baldino uses soldiers to make her definition even clearer with this example; “Many [soldiers] speak of psychologically preparing for battle by temporarily storing away all of their feelings, fears, anxieties, anger, and sadness into little “mental boxes” or “psychological compartments.” However, “there is a very heavy price to be paid for extreme emotional compartmentalization, as you can see from the example of combat veterans, some of whom end up sacrificing their post-combat emotional health for the emotional compartmentalization that they must utilize during battle just to survive.”

I am working on learning to compartmentalize the “right” things and allow the other “right” things to free-float while I work on arranging them the way that I want. In the next week I am going to be working on arranging my own personal microcosm as I (and Scuba Steve) feel that once the microcosm is organized, the macrocosm will soon follow for me.

compartments, emotions, emotional compartmentalizing, personal, microcosm, macrocosm, veterans