Mental & Emotional Health

I recently started reading another great Mental & Emotional Heath blog called Mental Health Notes and I’m really enjoying reading it. Alicia Sparks wrote a (mostly) light-hearted Christmas-themed post today about The Top 5 Things My Brain Wants for Christmas and I am stealing her idea … so I bring you:

The Top 5 Things My Heart Wants for Christmas

1. to physically feel well - I haven’t been talking about it much here (been concentrating on those depressed elderly) but I’ve not been feeling well. I have blood work scheduled for Friday to rule out some more things and we’ll see … but I’d like to not hurt this Christmas

2. to be anxiety-free - not only is my health stressing me out, but I feel like I’ve got a lot of other things to deal with lately. Life is changing, and while I absolutely love change, it stresses me out and makes me feel like I have too much going on. I’d love to not be anxious for the rest of the year … or the rest of my life, actually.

3. to have mental illnesses be stigma-free - while we’re definitely not in the dark ages regarding mental health, it’s still not an “okay” diagnosis to have. It bears stigma over cancer, diabetes, IBS and the like, and I just wish it didn’t. While we’re at it, can we remove the stigma from and HIV or AIDS diagnosis, too?

4. a good night’s sleep - like heavy, full-night-long, deep as the ocean sleep. I’ve been so tired and so stressed about being tired, that I can’t sleep and it sucks. Someone let me sleep!

5. the guts to karaoke - I don’t sing very well, but I can hold my own at church and in groups. I have NO guts when it comes to karaoke. I’d love to get these guts in a pretty container … maybe with some tasty tea, too.

So, dear readers, what five things does your heart want for Christmas this year?

What is worse than seeing your best friend cry and not be able to do anything more than hold her and talk?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.
Absolutely nothing is worse to me than not being able to take my best friend’s pain away.

When I see her struggling, when I see her pain, when I see her tears and can’t make her heart stop hurting, my own heart breaks. MamaDee is having a hard time with recognizing what a wonderful mother she is to her beautiful child. Her physician’s office is not giving her options and frankly, in my opinion, they’re being ignorant about decisions that could be made.

I’m not a mama, I know I don’t fully understand the pain that she’s dealing with, but all I want to do is take it away and make sure she knows that she is a beautiful, strong, capable mama. She is doing everything she can and is proving to be an incredibly resilient mother. She is one of my heroes and I’m incredibly blessed to have her in my life.

MamaDee, if you’re reading this know that I love you more than my words can express.

Mental & Emotional Health, personal, mothering an infant, best friend

So there are secrets for being a true smile detective and the best technique there is involves looking at the eyes. There are muscles around our eyes (the orbicularis oculi) which create the real feeling expressed in our smiles. When real smiles are “activated” (not quite the word I was looking for, but it made me laugh (hah! I smiled writing this entry!)) the orbicularis oculi move and create a “twinkle” effect in our eyes. *starts singing “Irish Eyes are Smiling”*

I know that when I start looking at photographs to edit them, I don’t always look at the mouths. I look for expressive eyes. I can always spot the real smiles because of those eyes, and find that most of my really great pictures have NATURAL eyes and “twinkling” eyes. I use those and get astounding results once I start editing them. I love real smiles … and I have a few favorite tricks to GET people to smile. With children I start making monkey noises – who doesn’t laugh when an adult starts making monkey noises? With adults, if it’s just adults, instead of saying “Say cheese!” I ask them to “Say vagina!” It catches most adults completely off guard and I end up with a picture-full of smiling and laughing adults. I love it!

So, why did we develop a “fake” smile? Probably to protect ourselves. Many scienctists believe that we smile to “cement” bonds and ease tension. This may have sparked the uneasy feeling we get when we see someone faking their smile – we know that they are trying to hide something from us. Are they lying? Are they planning malice against us? Your goal for today is to start being a smile detective. Watch for people who aren’t really smiling – and then do something to make them smile!

Most times when people talk about pregnancy, they speak of the great joys, the physical pain and the anticipation of becoming a mother; however, the fact that at least one in ten women (10%) live with depression during pregnancy.

It used to be that health care providers believed that pregnancy hormones were a protection against depression; this meant that women were more vulnerable immediately after birth when their hormone levels plummeted. However, research has shown that the rapid change in hormones at the beginning of pregnancy can trigger a such a change in brain chemistry that it can lead to depression. These hormonal changes can make a woman feel even more anxious about her pregnancy and this anxiety can and should be treated.

Unfortunately, this pregnancy-induced depression & anxiety can go undiagnosed because women may chalk their feelings up to the belief that “every” woman gets moody during pregnancy. If you are pregnant and even slightly feel that your depression is more than what it “normally” is for you, please don’t be shy and speak up. Tell someone who cares, or call your physician. There are medications and treatments that are safe for pregnant women. Your physical health is affected by your mental health (I wrote a post about this a while back, remember?) and so being treated for your depression & anxiety during pregnancy is one of the smartest actions you can take.

Tuesday; Treatments for depression & anxiety during pregnancy.

As of this year, I have been living with depression for ten years. I’ve been dealing with feelings of worthlessness, social withdrawal, and at my worst, suicidal tendencies for a decade now. I am 25-years-old and have lived with this illness since I was 15; it is a part of me, and while I am more than just depressed, it is a huge part of who I am. However, lately I’ve noticed that things are changing for me.

Lately I’ve noticed that I’ve been feeling HAPPY more often than not.
~little things make me happy; being invited to a movie-night with my friends, getting a phone call from my best friend, laughing with my mom about our mutual love for Willie Nelson

Lately I’ve noticed that I am smiling all the time.
~during my entire hike over the weekend I was smiling, putting on my sunhat to sit in the super-hot Oregon weather made me smile, seeing that there is a new episode of A&E’s Intervention onDemand made me smile (although I will probably eventually cry from it)

Lately I’ve noticed that I’ve been enjoying my life!
~my work thoroughly pleases me, I’m really looking forward toschool starting in September, even my neighbor’s incessant hammering (remodeling) isn’t bothering me like it used to, reading has become an absolute pleasure for me again instead of just an escape

Lately I’ve noticed that while I have my depressed moments, they are becoming fewer and farther between.
~even while so upset about the finality of my relationship with Mr.E., it took me 40 hours to move past it and realize that I’m worth more than that, I had a panic attack early last week and it was the first one that I can remember having in months and months

Lately I’ve noticed that my coping methods when I am depressed have changed.
~instead of feeling the need to escape (by reading, having a beer or two, not answering the phone/hiding), I’ve reached out when I’ve felt depressed. I’ve made it known to friends when I’m feeling down and I have been asking for help. This is a huge change for me.

Lately I’ve been weirded out that this stuff is changing. I don’t quite know what to do with myself; so instead of thinking about it too much, I’m sitting back and enjoying it!!

Hi, my name is Sarah; I smile a lot lately.

mental and emotional health, depression, anxiety, Accutane, depression causes, happy, healing, healthy, smiling, enjoying life, coping methods, relationships, dating

I’ve been tagged by Neel so now I get to have a mid-week me on Monday! It’ll be a Monday-Meme day or something!
-Pass your friends a note by leaving a comment.
-Visit them by hitting their site.
-Show them love with a link to their entry.

So here goes: Seven Things You (Probably) Don’t Know About Me
1. Most of my in-person/in-real-life/see-everyday friends don’t know about this blog. Some of them don’t know that I deal with so many mental illness issues and because I work really hard to keep myself 100% put together in front of them 100% of the time, so I don’t want all of them seeing the real me. Yes, this means that you, my faithful blog readers, get to see the real me.

2. I detest being called by diminutive names by people who I’m not close to. I’m okay with nicknames from my friends, from my family, and even if I’m close to a guy I’m dating, but I hate being called “sweetheart” by the grocery store clerk. I’m not her sweetheart and I never will be; I don’t call you honey-buns, you don’t need to demean me and call me sweetheart! (I’ve been told I’d never cut it in the South because of this!)

3. The sound of ocean waves puts me in a melancholy & contemplative mood. I love the ocean, I love the water, I love the salt, I love the sand, I love the fact that I’m standing on the edge of a continent when I’m at the ocean, and it always makes me think. I didn’t see the ocean for the first time until I was 12 (I played on glaciers in AK when I lived there, but didn’t count that as the ocean) and ever since then I’ve been entranced by the feelings the ocean gives me. The ocean makes me want to write. Even just writing about the ocean makes me want to write.

4. A year ago I lived with such strong social anxiety I couldn’t make friends. I couldn’t keep friends because I wouldn’t leave the house to hang out with them, I wouldn’t call them back, I wouldn’t even write them back with emails because I was that anxious about making the “right” impression on people. I have grown so much in the past year that I have no problem making new friends, calling people back, attending concerts (I saw Willie Nelson on Saturday night and that was AMAZING!) and thoroughly enjoying myself while I do so.

5. I love to cook, but hate cooking for only myself. I make mean chicken or ground turkey enchiladas and I’ve never had anyone complain about them. I love to bake (especially sourdough and banana bread) and take pride in people complimenting my culinary abilities. Because I don’t like to cook for myself, I don’t cook hardly enough anymore though. Eating the same thing day after day can drive me crazy so leftovers (which I do love) aren’t always fun for myself. I need to learn to FREEZE stuff and then just reheat it a week later when I’m ready for it again.

6. Vacuuming is my absolute favorite chore. There is something relaxing about the back and forth motion of the electric sucking machine. Everyone I tell this to stares at me funny and I always laugh. I hate to clean the bathroom* (don’t really know why) but I do love to suck dirt from the carpets with my trusty Shark!

7. I think I have a mineral deficiency. I have recently realized that I am starting to bruise really easily, and have been doing research as to why. One of the things that came up may be that I am eating too many almonds. Almonds apparently have some of the same properties as aspirin and I’ve been eating a lot of them, so that may be part of it. I could also be lacking in Vitamin C (which might very well be the case, too). I’m going to continue doing my research and see what happens.

Now I’m supposed to tag some other people so I’m picking four people I know regularly read me!
1. Amanda at Depression Talk
2. Mad at Mad Haiku (do it in Haiku form and you’ll be even more of my hero!)
3. Mallory at Mallory In The Middle
4. Just Me at Master of Irony (when you have time, sweetheart! *giggles*)

mental and emotional health, meme, 7 things about me, personal, nicknames, pet peeves, grocery shopping, ocean, sounds, waves, writing, melancholy, contemplative, social anxiety, making friends, keeping friends, growing, learning, healing, cooking, recipes, leftovers, mineral deficiency, vitamin C, vitamin K iron, anemia

*that bathroom is NOT mine!

Well, instead of getting a news day, you’re getting a “news-day” about me. I really feel like I haven’t addressed my own mental health in a while and I think it’s time again.

1. Today is day 3 off my Prozac. I moved on Saturday and haven’t found a new pharmacy to have my medication refilled. I am really surprised that I haven’t started having weird cut-off symptoms.

2. However, I am depressed. I feel a crying jag coming on and have been distracting myself with podcasts, happy music, and reading books. I am pulling away from people again and I see myself doing it.

3. My old psychiatrist (ScubaSteve) has called me twice in the past two weeks wanting to check in. I should call him back, but what am I going to tell him? I know I’ll just lie to him and tell him that I’m fine, I’ve got a great new job, live by myself now and am doing great, but I don’t even have the energy to lie over the telephone to anyone now.

4. I had a dating revelation the other night and it has been sitting weird in my stomach (not my brain or my heart, mind you) since then. I actually made myself sick to my stomach (and threw up) over-thinking things. I don’t really know what to do about this and I don’t even know that I really care.

5. Sadly, I don’t care about a lot of things right now. I get up, I go to work (I actually DO enjoy my job, though) and then I either come home, go on a date or meet up with a friend. I don’t really care though. I could do anything at this point and not really care. This apathy, it doesn’t bother me. I am apathetic about my apathy.

6. Not only am I becoming strangely apathetic about things, I am also overly-anxious about things as well. You would think that this wouldn’t match up well, but I can not care about some things (hanging all those pictures stacked against the wall over there), and still be overly-anxious about other things (running at 110% while at work to impress my bosses). I wish I could be overly-anxious about my apathy.

7. I am enjoying living alone … because no one can make me feel guilty for watching shit TV, for dancing along with So You Think You Can Dance or for wandering the house naked; but I miss having someone to talk to. Music (or a podcast) has been playing essentially since I moved into my new place.

8. I have to actually convince myself to go out and do things lately … I am going to see MrsTee this weekend for her wedding reception & house-warming party. I am going. I am not letting myself not go. But I know that an hour before I’m supposed to leave I am going to think up any and every excuse in the book to talk myself out of going. I hate that about my depression.

9. My dating revelation makes me want to give up on dating. This attitude is spreading from just dating to everything else already … it’s been THREE DAYS. This makes me want to shout the eff-word as loud as I can over and over again.

10. My mask is back on. I am pretending, for those who are around me and don’t know me well, that everything is hunky-dory and I’m doing great. I’ve learned to do this so well I am believing in my own lie and ignoring the signs that there is a problem. I know what I need to do to fix this, but time and time again, in my head, I am saying; “I don’t know what to do.”

So yeah, I’m not doing so well, but everything’s fine.

mental and emotional health, personal, apathy, dating, depression, anxiety, medication compliance, lies

I read a nice article earlier today on 10 Golden Rules for Praising Children and thought that I would share it. You can absolutely apply these to your own life with both children AND adults!

Praise and encouragement is as important to children as three square meals a day. Feeling loved and appreciated feeds their confidence, while friendly, loving advice helps them grow up strong, happy and secure. But childcare experts believe that not all praise works to boost children’s confidence. In fact, it could do the exact opposite, says parenting writer Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer, author of ‘Raising and Praising Boys’ and ‘Raising and Praising Girls’ (Vermilion, £6.99).

Here’s her advice for accentuating the positive:

1. Avoid the adoration trap. Resist the temptation to gush and put children on a pedestal. Boys, in particular, hate it. Praise what they’ve done, not who they are: kids won’t build up strength and inner reserves if they feel they have to ‘earn’ your love all the time. Ways to say it: ‘That was a terrific goal you managed to score against a tough opposition. You pulled out all the stops for that one…’ works better than ‘You are terrific on the football pitch. I love you so much.’ I’m a bit confused by the “football pitch” line; do you really pitch in football?

Everyone likes to take tests, right? No, very few people like to take tests … but what happens when they’re tests that will tell you all about yourself? I did a bit of searching and found some mental health tests that can give you some insight into yourself. I have taken each of these tests to be sure that they are accurate. *nods* Mucho scientific research occurs on my couch!

Are you addicted to the internet? - “You are an average on-line user. You may surf the Web a bit too long at times, but you have control over your usage.” I think I would have to agree with that. I spend a lot of time on my computer & online, but I get paid to do what I’m spending my time here doing.

Self test for Alcoholism - I answered yes to a few of these questions, but never more than three in each section, which can indicate a certain stage of alcoholism. If you’re at all concerned you may be an alcoholic, please take some time to call the Alcohol Hotline at 1-800-331-2900. It is both free and confidential.

Adult ADD/ADHD Test - “Dr. Amen suggests: “More than 20 items with a score of three or more indicates a strong tendency toward ADD. Items 1, 6, and 7 are essential to make the diagnosis.” I do not have adult ADD/ADHD and I didn’t think I would.

Screening for Anxiety - “The above answer(s) are anxiety symptoms that might be part of an Anxiety Disorder. It is advised to seek a psychiatric consultation.” I knew that. : )

Depression Screening Test - “Your answers show the presence of prominent depressive symptoms. It is advised to seek a psychiatric consultation.” I knew that, too!

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Test “You probably do not have clinically significant obsessions.” and “You probably do not have clinically significant compulsions.” Yup, that’s what I assumed. I’m anal about things, but I don’t significantly obsess about anything.

The Termperment Discovery Test “Guardians can have a lot of fun with their friends, but they are quite serious about their duties and responsibilities. Guardians take pride in being dependable and trustworthy; if there’s a job to be done, they can be counted on to put their shoulder to the wheel. Guardians also believe in law and order, and sometimes worry that respect for authority, even a fundamental sense of right and wrong, is being lost. Perhaps this is why Guardians honor customs and traditions so strongly–they are familiar patterns that help bring stability to our modern, fast-paced world.” This one is rather long, but it’s obviously true for me. If you want to check out ANY of these tests, this would be the one that you should check out!

Screening for Personality Disorders “Based on the above answer(s), your personality traits might be associated with following personality type(s): Obsessive Personality.” I wouldn’t have thought this, but the more that I read about it, the more I am able to agree.

Health Tests has quite the list of different tests including: the anger test, lifestyle test and even a sleep hygiene test!

mental and emotional health, quizzes, tests, surveys, anxiety, alcoholism, depression, personality disorders, anger tests, lifestyle tests, sleep hygiene tests

A friend that I worked with at the hospital billing office died yesterday. Other close friends from work were nice enough to wait until today to tell me (so as not to “ruin” my birthday). MamaCeeta called me this morning and I had to shut down. I was staying with Mr.E. and I just closed off in order to not “deal” with things right there with him. I came home and dealt with things by climbing back in bed, crying, and mourning the loss of a friend.

HappyBunny and I had a strange relationship, we were always nice to one another, but it was that “goodmorning b*tch” nice. Bunny was twice my age and twice as feisty; and I loved her. We harassed one another daily and I loved it. She was my last Valentine’s Day secret gift receiver and I’m glad now that I spoiled her rotten with it.

It’s all incredibly sad to me, and I don’t really know how to deal with this; I’ve never had a close friend die. I haven’t really felt anything since crying this morning … and I don’t know when I will. I’m sorry about this random post, it’s just what has my mental and emotional health all messed up.

mental and emotional health, death, death of a friend, depression, change

Today I turn 25. At 1:50pm, 25 years ago, my mom (naturally) gave birth to me. Kinda scary to think about. Anyway, happy birthday to me … I’m officially 1/2-way to fifty.

My parents drove up to take me to dinner (and give me boxes and tape and a present!) and mom asked me at one point if I felt old … and I don’t, but I feel weird. “I’m 25 and divorced.” Neither of my parents had much to say about that … I think it made them uncomfortable, but we moved on shortly thereafter. This morning I woke up early and spent a little while thinking about the things that I’ve done in the past 25 years that have made me incredibly proud; I don’t have much material on my mind for REAL mental and emotional health, but concentrating on my OWN mental and emotional health, I thought I’d list some of the things I’m more proud of from the past 25 years.

~I learned to read at an exceptionally early age. I was barely 4 when I read books aloud to strangers. My dad took me to jobsites with him and I impressed teachers by “reading” to them. They assumed that I was going to make up the stories and then I actually read the book to them. I read all the time still; I love to read.

~I wrote a story that was published when I was in 3rd grade. It was a HORRIBLE story about a horse who had trouble walking. I named the horse Sarah. Psychologically there is probably something strange about that. “Readers dream, dreamers write.” I both dream and write … this is a pretty cool thing to me.

~I joined the Talented and Gifted program in 4th grade. I was a smart kid. I still feel like a smart kid most days. (I stayed in TAG until they disbanded it in 8th grade.)

~I started my own business in the 6th grade, selling and teaching about owl pellets. My friend Brandi and I made good money doing this. We collected the owl pellets from her grandpa’s barn, sold them for a dollar a piece (school science catalogs sold them for $4 a piece) and our elementary school principal drove us to other schools to give presentations and teach younger kids about owls and mice. It’s gross, but we made money and teachers thought we were super-cool.

~In 8th grade, I was the top English student in my “neighborhood.” Our grade was split into two neighborhoods (I was in the gold one, and the other was the blue one) and I got to be the top English student. I got a pretty plaque and my parents were invited to a ceremony and I won an award and all that stuff. I still have the plaque and am STILL proud of this.

~In 10th grade I was accepted into the GAPP (German-American Partnership Program) by my high school German teacher. My family hosted an exchange student (Britta) and then six months later I spent 5 weeks in Germany. I loved this time and learned much about myself. I was 16 (my gosh, this doesn’t feel like it was a DECADE ago!) and had an amazing time!

~I graduated high school. I was in the top 10.15%. I was ONE person off of being in the top 10% of my graduating class and actually felt awful having to sit with the “regular” people. That sounds horribly pretentious, but all my friends were in the first row … and I was way back with the H’s. : ( I survived and I know that it was only a numbers game, but still. I graduated high school!

~I got accepted to the only college I applied to; Oregon State University. Looking back I feel DUMB for only applying to ONE school since I was such a good student in high school (and very, very active!). Who knows where I could have gone if I had decided to be brave and GO somewhere!

~In college I was continually on the Dean’s List and honor roll. I was invited to join honor societies (and I think I joined one … LOL … I can’t really remember) even though I barely passed Chemistry. I got one B in my major (German) in four years and am incredibly proud of such a high college major GPA.

~After my divorce, I have survived and THRIVED. I am a happy, strong, capable woman, and I have learned more about myself in the past 11 months than I had in the previous 11 years. I am incredibly proud of myself for these things.

So, yeah, I’ve done plenty of things to be proud of in the past 25 years. I have no regrets and wouldn’t change a thing … otherwise I wouldn’t be who I am. As a birthday present to me; leave me a comment and tell me why you’re proud of yourself!

mental and emotional health, birthdays, getting older, pride, reading, learning to read, writing, getting published, TAG, talented and gifted program, starting your own business, entrepeneur, owl pellets, dissection, English, awards, GAPP, German-American Partnership Program, Germany, exchange students, high school, graduation, top 10%, college acceptance, Oregon State University, Dean’s List, honor roll, German, divorce, thriving, regrets

After my own traumatic divorce, I never thought that I’d be excited about someone else getting married. I was bitter … I was angry … and I remember telling strangers (a bachelor at a strip club) “don’t do it!” over and over. Today I got the news that one of my best friends is engaged. The first time I met MissNPea was when we were both planning our weddings. She was to marry Mr.R. and I was to marry the X. MissNPea’s wedding fell through with Mr.R. decided that he wasn’t mature enough to get married (and he was damned right) but she and I remained close through my wedding planning, marriage and then divorce.

MissNPea called me from LasVegas today to tell me that she and Mr.Cee are engaged!!!! I had a feeling this was coming and so I was THRILLED to hear that it finally happened, and then, surprisingly enough, I was just as excited to hear that they’re going to be married while still in Vegas! I told MissNPea multiple times that if she got married in LasVegas I’d be upset and eat her leg, but today when she told me, all I could do was beam with joy. Mr.Cee is a wonderful man and I’m so very happy that she found him. While I am sad that they are getting married in LasVegas because I can’t see it, I’m ecstatic that life is falling into perfect place for my girl. This just means that eventually it will happen for me. : )

I am so thankful to have her in my life and she has been so incredibly supportive through my many emotional bouts and my not-so-emotional bouts as well. I am blessed to have this amazing woman in my life. MissNPea, I love you and cannot wait to hug your face and congratulate your married self in person!

So, yay for weddings, and then there has been good news on my side of the world as well.
1. I have remembered to take my meds two days in a row. (I had forgotten for two days in a row before this though.) I need to remember to do a rewards system for myself.

2. MissPea and I are going our seperate ways in life and moving in to our own apartments. I am nervous about this because I’ve never lived alone before, but I’m excited to try it out and see how I function. I’ve had quite a few friends offer their extra kitchen stuff (stuff I’m short on since the divorce) and I’m so thankful for them.

3. I had a great job interview today that I have a good feeling about. It’d be within a dance studio near where I live (now) and it would be full-time. SonE and I got along marvelously and she and I even went to lunch together after the official interview. I would LOVE to work in a dance studio and think that it’d be a perfect fit for me. While we were lunching, she told me; “we’re going to work great together” and then gave me the biggest grin with eye contact, so I have a hard time not believing her.

4. I then went to a open casting for a new sports bra line. The first part of it went really well, although they put me in a horribly itchy test bra first and then when I met the designer, he told me “you have a really nice set of breasts for such a small frame” and I almost burst out laughing right there. Then he told me that I was too thin to do fit testing for his new line so I didn’t make the cut. That’s okay, because apparently I have a nice set of breasts.

mental and emotional health, weddings, marriage, engagement, best friends, divorce, emotions, medicine compliance, moving out, living alone, roommates, job interviews, dance studio, sports bras, breasts

I never have a problem answering meme or survey questions that say; “what’s your favorite band of all time?” … the answer is always, and may always be, Fleetwood Mac. Today while looking for something I stumbled across a performance of “Go Your Own Way,” and since it’s my favorite song of theirs I had to stop and both listen to and watch it. This song makes me feel wonderful listening to it, and I don’t quite know why. I laugh at myself for knowing that the man’s name is Lindsey and the woman’s name is Stevie … and how silly I thought that was while I was growing up.

Anyway, the song made me think about people going their own (and often separate) ways. Sometimes that journey is a surprise and sometimes it’s absolutely planned out. Sometimes you don’t even realize that it’s happened until you’re miles away (literally or figuratively) from the other person. It can be a good thing and it can be a bad thing, ultimately I think these kinds of travels are what you make of them.

Lately I’ve noticed myself on paths quite different than those of my peers, and even my closest friends. We have all gone our own way, and some of us have purposefully steered our ways back towards one another. Some of us are allowing the paths to take us in different directions with no anxiety about that. Then there are those of us who are still refusing to admit that we’ve walked far from one another and don’t actually have plans to turn around and come back.

What happens when you’re the person who wants to stay on the same path and have realized that you’re being left alone, or that your separate path is so incredibly different that it just won’t work? Do you want my advice (oh, I’m so sure that you do!) You’ll just have to move on in order to help yourself out. Why bother sitting and stewing on a relationship that has changed too much to “repair” (or to go back to “normal”)? Honestly, I don’t believe that you should push anyone to fix something that they this is overly broken. When my husband left me, I heard “why don’t you just go to counseling?” more than a half-dozen times. Each time I repeated myself with “he doesn’t want to fix it, and I refuse to force him to try.” They didn’t understand that I would rather deal with a broken relationship than have someone resent me for “forcing” them to try and repair it. If the other person isn’t willing to walk your path with you, and they won’t budge on that (and you don’t want to walk their path, you may be headed on a solo journey. It may seem scary at first, but honestly, it’s one of the most liberating and exciting things I’ve ever done. I have this feeling I’m coming upon another chance to take a solo journey and I’m already excited (albeit anxious as well) about it.

mental and emotional health, Fleetwood Mac, Lindsey Buckingham, Stevie Nicks, Go Your Own Way, separation, anxiety, change

I found out last week that the ex is in a serious relationship … and it hurt. I’m still hurting from it. He didn’t want to be with me through medical school because I’m “not worth taking care of.” Yeah; not very nice … I know. I’m glad that we’re not together, and I’m better off and happier not being married to him, but it hurts to know that he’s found someone “worth” taking care of. It hurts a lot more than I thought it was going to and I don’t like it. I don’t know why it hit me so hard today, but I definitely feel like retreating for a long while to nurse some very old wounds.

I really thought I was stronger than this. I really thought I was getting better.
Two steps forward, three steps back … what a cycle.

mental and emotional health, depression, divorce, dating after divorce, emotional hurt, medical school, cycling

When my mind and heart hurt, my body also begins to hurt. When my body hurts, most often I want to be touched … as weird as that sounds. Although there has been very little research (that I can find) on massage therapy being beneficial for mental health, it’s great for my mental health! Pauline King, a registerred nurse at Ohio’s James Cancer Hospital, and Richard Jost, a licensed massage therapist have done some cancer studies. Patients who were able to have even a 15-minute massage reported less stress and less pain than the non-massaged patients. This physical contact is remarkable for people; if they are comfortable with it.

Not only is massage (and physical touch) grand for mental and emotional health, it also, according to Diane Zeitlin (another LMT) revs up the immune system during times of anxiousness and fatigue. She discovered this after giving hour-long massages to medical students (talk about nerves!) and testing white blood cell activity (before and after). The natural killer cells of the immune system had levels of increased activity after massages. This encourages those in support of massage therapy for HIV/AIDS patients as it can help pump up the weak immune system.

In 2005, a study was done regarding massage therepy showing that cortisol levels can be lowered while pleasure-related brain chemicals can be increased. Massage has also been proven to lower blood pressure and heart rate as well. Another 2005 study showed that women with breast cancer given massage therapy three times a week for five weeks (my gosh I’d love that many massages!) reported less depression and fatigue than non-massaged women.

mental and emotional health, massage therapy, stress, HIV, AIDS, immune system, cortisol, breast cancer, depression, anxiety, Pauline King, James Cancer Hospital, Richard Jost, Diane Zeitlin