Mental & Emotional Health

Ok, so things are crazy and I’ve not posted regularly like I should.  Basically, I’ve been at one of the biggest blogging conferences of the year and I am exhausted.  I knew that I didn’t have the stamina of many women my age.  I knew that I didn’t have the stamina of many women over my age.  But, I had no idea just how bad my problems were.

On day one, I was so excited, I stayed up til near 4:30 AM and then had to be at breakfast for a meeting at 7:30.  That set the scene for exhaustion.  Throw in the fact that I cannot walk quite as well as everyone else as my leg is still healing but I was able to wear shoes.  But, I  didn’t actually walk, I more or less loped around. 

I didn’t drink any alcoholic beverages of any kind and about 4 PM, people would start looking at me and asking if I was ok.  The exhaustion showed in my face.  I spent chunks of time in the lobby, just people watching which is something I thoroughly enjoyed.  But, I also sat and envied those who had the energy and where with all to just go go go go, sleep a few hours and go go go go more. 

Naturally, these are the women who had the most fun I’m sure.  They saw more bloggers, met more bloggers, spent loads of time with more bloggers while I sat exhausted watching much of it pass me by.  I haven’t addressed this issue with my doctors since I was diagnosed with thyroid problems and diabetes other than to say that yes, I do take the medication you prescribed.

But, you can rest assured, when I return home, I will set up an appointment for the check-up I missed a couple of weeks prior to this trip to see if there’s more to this story than meets the eye.  The saddest part of it all is the feeling that I missed something.  I feel as if I didn’t get to experience the conference like others did and because of that, I find I’m somewhat depressed.

But, I will make it.  I doubt very seriously if I try another big conference for a while.  I will be content to stay home with my kids and husband, who I have missed terribly and follow the twitter feed.  The difference will be that in the past when I did this, I was green with envy, from now on, I’ll just enjoy it all vicariously through the attendee’ because in reality, my health just won’t allow me to have the fun that I want to have if I am at the conference in person. 

With that, I’ll get you more information soon.  Sorry for the disappearing act.

I still have a cast on my leg and I was suppose to go to the doctor tomorrow but because my mom is doing much worse, I got her an appointment for tomorrow and I changed my own appointment to Friday.

It’s starting to be more and more difficult as time passes and my mom’s health begins to deterioate.  She hasn’t fell well in several weeks  but in the last 3 or 4 days, she has become increasingly weaker.  Today she finally agreed to allow me to get her a doctor’s appointment.  She wasn’t suppose to be checked until early August and so I’m sure there’s not much more than they can do now except to give her medication to ease the pain and that, is medication that she hates to take because of the dizzy sluggish feeling she gets.

Emotionally my whole family is riding one big roller coaster.  My husband is tired of waiting on me hand and foot because I’ve been in a cast pushing 6 months, my kids are tired of being cooped up in the house and with my mom’s health like it is, no one really wants to play with the kids during the day like they did at one time. 

I’ve been working overtime and most at night so it is quite and I can concentrate.  But today, I was struck with a migraine and didn’t even get my normal daily work down and as soon as I can get one project or two underway, I’m headed to bed. 

Hopefully tomorrow will bring more happiness and more nice surprises and good news from my mothers doctors.  I will return on Friday to see if I m cast free or if I am not just weigth-bearing with a cast.  Either way, I feel fairly certain that I am going to be back in two shoes very soon. 

Excitement, depression, anxiety, highs, lows…it’s tough.

I had a odd conversation with a good friend tonight.  She is somewhat sour or cynical for those who don’t know her.  But, she really is quite funny with her dry sour stuff sometimes.  Tonight however, I caught myself in a weird place with her.

I am not going to think for one minute that I was the biggest Michael Jackson fan but I do have some serious thoughts on him.  Mostly they include the cardinal rules of respecting the dead and letting the family have space to grieve. 

I have a few other thoughts along the lines of the trouble that he was given by the world.  Was he guilty of child molestation?  That’s not for me to decide.  That’s between him and God but I will tell you this, from a parents perspective, if my child told me that someone had sexually abused them, $20 million would not shut me up.  I would stick it out through court and watch that offender burn in hell.  So, when a family makes such a preposterous accusation and then settles for 20 million dollars…I just question the integrity of it all.

But, what caught me off guard today was Michael’s daughter Paris.  She asked to speak in the closing moments of the service.  My friend called it bull.  She couldn’t understand why anyone would put their child through that.  And, having lost a parent 22 years ago, I thought I could shed some light on this.

For one thing, loved ones need closure.  And sometimes that closure comes by speaking out publicly so that it seems more real that you are actually speaking to the deceased.  She was tearful, she was very very sad but the most striking part of it all was her unprompted words and sincerity. 

Without a second thought, she said “my daddy” just as you and I would.  She didn’t say “my father” as if she needed to be formal.  She said, “my daddy” just like any other daddy’s girl out there would.  It touched me.  I cried a lot.

I only have one thought on the matter that’s not positive and that is that Michael had spent the children’s entire lives shielding them form the public and I’m not so sure he would have wanted his daughter to be put in the spotlight in such a way.  If you noticed, Prince Michael I and Blanket were basically hidden the whole time.  But, again, the child requested to speak and hopefully what she said and the way she was able to say it will make grieving easier and help her with closure. 

If you haven’t seen the clip of her speaking, here it is…

The youtube video was disable per request was all the note indicates but here is the link instead.

This jis the only photo I can find of Prince Michael I and Paris.  I’m sure there will be more in the near future but for now, this is it.  He normally had them wear masks and face coverings and it is painfully obvious that he did it in the name of protecting them.

I know I haven’t done anything but talk about MJ since last Thursday.  But the truth is, there is so much for people who suffer from depression and anxiety to learn from this.  And, it’s extremely sad to think that it took the loss of such a man.  But, there was so much we just didn’t know about.

For one, he never had a childhood.  He was obviously at one point or another or maybe for many years addicted to drugs.  The thing about that goes back to my post the other day about this. 

Have you ever had surgery?  Did you get a prescription for pain medication when it was over?  Well, if the numbers are accurate, he had 13 plastic surgeries including the one to help repair his scalp that had second degree burns after filming a Pepsi Commercial.

So, with that, if you had been subjected to multiple personalities, the chances are, he was given pain medication.  And, in addition to that, as many as he had, the pain medications probably didn’t end before another procedure was performed and thus another cycle of prescription pain killers. 

And, 10, 11, 14 surgeries later and time spent on the pain medication can only lead to one place – addiction.  Ask me, I know.

Now add in the anxiety of the way people were treating you over your appearance, the joke surrounding he and Lisa Marie and their marriage and then, above all, his run in with the law.  Money spent, much money spent on child molestation trials and if you watch him as he is walking from the car to the court room, he was more than just a little bit frail.

So, let’s let the man have his memorial.  Let his family grieve and pray for his children and the people surrounding him who have lost a brother, father, son, uncle.

You know, as I mentioned in a previous post, I have seen some real crazy doctors.  And, had I been as smart man years ago to know that they not only don’t know everything, they also don’t always even tell you what they do know.

What does that mean exactly?

Well, no one every told me that I should have stopped the anti-depressants but slowly through a weaning process.  And now, now I can’t wean off of them no matter how hard I try.  Not that I have tried in a while but at this point, I am very aware of chemical imbalances and I am certain that my body is dependent in so many ways. 

But, I did make a decision to attempt to wean myself form xanaflex but I didn’t do it correctly and I have experienced some really horrible feelings in the last week.  First of all, I quit sleeping much.  I am having a hard time going to sleep at night and then I’m droggy during the day but can’t nap.  And, most importantly the back pain or tail bone pain has returned with a vengance.  However, I’ve made it a week and I am not going back unless it just becomes unbearable.

The problems with weaning was I didn’t really wean, I just quit them cold turkey when I ran out.  So, I’ve experiences the insomnia, the return of tailbone pain and some really serious jitters.  Add to that the running out of xanax which I don’t use it everyday, but I do use it when I’ve worked late and have a particularly hard time with the boys.  My boys are 4 and 6 and are really very very active.  Sometimes it’s difficult to cope.

I refilled that script today because I was having heart palpitations that I couldn’t quell and it was just necessary.  So, my suggestion to you is that if you find you need to wean, do it the right way, don’t quit cold turkey.

Sounds like common sense and I didn’t need this little experiment to know that.  I’ve tried to quit before cold turkey and it made me sick.  So, I knew better, I just thought I could do it.  I couldn’t.

Anyway, doctors need to be responsible for the drugs they dispense but patients have to take the responsibility for managing them right. 

And, that’s my 2 bits of advice for now.

Do you think we were just so shocked that Michael Jackson died and we knew that Farrah was going to leave us at any time that we totally forgot to pay respects to the fact that she was a great Angel?  How do celebrities fit into your life?

I’ve never been a big celebrity watcher but I love athletes.  But, I did grow up on Charlie’s Angels and my high school was filled with Michael Jackson.  My early years of college had a little MJ tucked in it too.  After that I was busy with the other MJ, Micheal Jordan of course.  But, how do they affect our lives?

Do you think the people who say they loved MJ and they just want to show their love and support need to back off and give this family time to grieve?  Do they need to back off and let this family have their father, brother, and son back?  Are we over-bearing as a society and thin that we are entitled to something from him just because he left a huge legacy?

I’m just curious how many of you this feel like you were touched in a greater way than when one of your own relatives have died.  How many of you wish Farrah had been given more face time and her family more support?  Death is difficult people, very very difficult.  How do you cope?

I have a lot on my mind and I figure most of you are sick of hearing about it.  I can’t seem to get myself motivated and in gear.  I’m sure it has nothing to do with this cast that I’ve been wearing for…….five months.  Yes, you read it right.  Five months.  I fell in Miami and broke my leg on January 22.  I was put in a cast on January 26th and I had surgery on May 20th.  Yes, indeed, I’ve spent all but 25 days of this year in a cast.  A year people…an entire year.

So, can you blame me if I am a little bit moody.  Throw in my mom’s health, the situation with everyone’s jobs and what do you get?  You get one angry woman.  I’m mad at the world.  These are the kind of things I depend alot on medication will.  I mean, I saw my pschiatrist and I saw my therapist and I still want to kick someone in the shins.  Karma…where are you oh Karma….wham, there take that.

Wow, amazing just writing that was pretty comforting.  I don’t know how or why but it was.

I am also feeling guilty about my son’s summer vacation being spent doing nothing.  He will start first grade on August 7th and we’ve done nothing special this summer.  I had big plans to be at the pool nearly every day.  We haven’t been once.  My cast couldn’t get wet and how is a woman to cope?

I have a business trip in late July and will return home only a week before he starts school.  Yes, indeed, one week.  I will probably still be in this cast when I go to my conference so we could very well miss the pool for the whole summer. 

And the beach?  My relation place, my kids love?  Nope, haven’t made it there yet either.  I’m not giving up hope but it is not likely to happen.  We shall see though.

My name is Alisha aka Moody Mommy. I am a homemaker/ pro-blogger/ answerer of all questions. I have been with my husband Bob for 10 years; through the ups and downs of infertility, my bipolar diagnoses, and life in general. We have been able to build a happy home with our two children. My daughter LuvBug is 6 and my son CuddleBug is 5. Though my days are filled with messes, spills, and an occasional fight; I would not trade my life for anything.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health 41% of the women polled were too embarrassed to talk about their depression. 32 is the average age that depression sets in.

Depression is a real Mental Illness. It is not a funk you get out of in a day or two. Depression does not have an exact starting point and ending point. A person who is truly depressed can not give you a pin point reason why they are depressed. Most times a person with depression can not even decipher that they are depressed. Depression comes on slow, as the chemicals in your brain begin to come unbalanced. You will not snap out of it until you fix the imbalance of chemicals.

Depression affects other areas of your body as well. According to the National Headache Foundation, 80% of headache suffers experience symptoms of depression. In 2008 a Dutch study stated that people, who have suffered from depression before the age of 60, are 4 times more likely to be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

There are activities one can do to help alleviate the effects of depression. Exercise is the absolute best friend for a person dealing with depression. A thirty minute brisk walk around the neighborhood can make all the difference in the world. Exercise will release the all important ‘feel good’ chemicals that your brain needs.

Find your social support. Getting together with friends and family will greatly increase your mood and outlook. One can join a community or church organization; schedule a monthly get together with your closest friends. This support will allow you the freedom to talk about your depression and realize you are not alone.

Find a doctor you can trust and rely one. Discussing your condition with a doctor will help you to see the options you have. There are medications that can be prescribed or herbs and vitamins you can take. Therapy is also an option; Cognitive Behavior therapy is a proven treatment plan that is as effective as some medications. Be sure to find a therapist who is trained in CBT.

For more information on Depression please go to:

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

As I ponder the loss of Natasha Richardson and the affect the whole situation will have on her family, I start to wonder if the state of mental health is more than just a genetic matter within families.  I know that genetics plays a big roll in the mental and emotional health but I’m thinking more about how a horrible tragedy like this can turn an entire family’s health.

The children involved have no idea how upside down there world was going to be.  I read a tweet from someone who said her parents died in an airplane crash when she was young.  She said that she was basically just living life and then wham, their death sent her world into a spiral.

I know that my father’s death was somewhat expected as he was sick for sometime, however, his was almost as unexpected as Natasha as he had called me from the hospital to come get him and take him home, he was over pneumonia and he was coming home from an extended stay in the hospital.  When I arrived, he had passed. 

And, I can say with great certainty that no one is prepared for that.  No one knows how hard that is to deal with.  I was 19, Natasha’s kids are much younger and I simply hurt for them thinking about how it took me 10 years to get to a place where I could cope. 

I know that the whole idea of mental health is far more advanced than it was even 20  years ago when I lost my dad.  and, my only hope is that the Richardson children are given the opportunity to grieve properly and not expected to just carry on because many times, that’s what happens with young children.  We think they can handle stuff because they don’t or can’t understand it, when in reality, they do understand and they do need to have their health assessed.

For those of you out there who rarely step foot in a doctors office, this post is not for you.  I mean, really, even if you only go for the yearly check up and a flu shot, this post is not for you.  So, who is it for? 

This post is for those of us who suffer from all kinds of quirky little things like thyroid disease, diabetes, mental illness…you know, all those simple things that doctors know exactly how to treat.  Bah…they know nothing if you ask me.

I’m a firm believer in the fact that the patient’s symptoms should diagnose a problem and then blood work can help detail the medication, if any, is needed.  I’m having a hard time convincing most of my thyroid doctors of this though as for some reason, they all seem to think that the fact that I am .2 inside the normal range, but even on the low end, I should be fine. 

“No reason to increase your medication, your levels are fine.”  I hear it over and over yet I still have 90% of the symptoms of thyroid disorder.  And please, don’t get me started on the family history.  Father, grandmother, aunt, cousin and that’s just to name a few who have suffered from thyroid issues. 

As for the relationship between the thyroid and anxiety and depression, I suggest you consult this site, good stuff right here, good stuff.

You see, I’m sporting this lovely cast, going on week 5 now and honestly I’m about over the pain.  That doesn’t mean the pain is going away, it means I’m tired of dealing with it.  I can only take pain medicine when someone is around to watch my kids.  Heaven forbid I actually get droggy while they are awake.  My kids have been known to scale the shelves in the pantry to dig for candy.  They’ve also been known to find candy hid in a box of rice – safe from their wee hands- or so we thought. 

Add in a little of an earache, well ok, a big issue with an earache, a fever blister on my mouth and one on my ass cheek and well, I’m just your prime target for emotional unkindness.  Right now I”m on the verge of wrapping my fingers around this sweet little baby boys neck..you know the one, the one who is using my hardwood floors as a place to exercise his skateboarding abilities.  Except, he is only 4 and his skateboard is a blanket or two.  He is doing belly dives across them. 

I mean, really, if I go to the doctor right now, I’d rather it be to just get myself a shot for this ear ache not necessarily to have stitches put in one of my kids head or worse yet, a cast on one of their limbs. 

Now, throw in a side of family matters, a bite or two of kid’s school administrators acting as if I fell off the turnip truck last week and you have a prescription for a large dose of something stronger than baby xanax.  I’d like to say I am just kidding…but er…no, not really…..calgon can’t even take me away from this one.

Ok, I know that sounds like a silly question, but the fact of the matter is, people who suffer from mental illness in all shapes and forms are still carry around this big bucket of stigma on their shoulders..or around their waste, or on their butt for that matter.  Regardless, it has to stop.  It has to stop now too.

So, with that, I’m going to lead you in the direction of an article on Medical News Today which has an article entitled, “On 100th Anniversary, Mental Health America Declares “It’s Time for Mental Health”.

I think the reality of it is I don’t actually do as much here on this site in the area of Mental Health as I should.  I focus quite a bit on emotional health.  So, taking a look at mental health is a good idea for a a point of focus for a little while. 

Mental Health America started as the negative impact of war started to appear with families of soldiers returning from war and how those men and women were living with trauma.  I’m married to a war vet, I don’t care what anyone tells you, the trauma is there.  It is real.  I wasn’t married to him then so I personally don’t feel the personal pain, but I know he does.  He doesn’t talk about it much, but when he does, it’s painfully obvious that he was traumatized.

If you want to read the article or if you just want to check out Mental Health America’s site, feel free to do so, then I’d love to hear your personal stories and comments.

I’ve already mentioned Prozac and Wellbutrin and now I’m going to hit you with another drug.  I don’t take Cymbalta anymore.  I did for a while and the more I read about it and consider my symptoms, I think switching was not a really good idea.  But, it’s done and it was a difficult switch.  I’m not up for switching again.

My reasoning is simple.  It’s a pretty well known fact but rarely documented one that I have fibromyalgia.  If you read my personal blog, you know more about this and if you know anything about fibromyalgia, you know that some doctors recognize it and try to help with the symptoms while others sit back and call us depressed and crazy.  I’m not too fond of being told that something is all in my head when I’m bent in half and having a difficult time walking. 

And, since I changed from Cymbalta to another drug, I’ve had more days like that.  I have more pelvic pain, more pain in my legs and I have a lot more headaches.  If you aren’t familiar with the symptoms, give this site a read, you’ll know so much more and be so much more empowered if it is you that’s suffering.

My last post was about Prozac.  Prozac is an SSI or a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor while Wellbutrin works a little differently. Wellbutrin is used for depression just like Prozac but Wellbutrin has a different method.  Wellbutrin works to combat the chemical imbalances in the brain called neurotransmitters.  The two in particular are dopamine and norepinephrine. 

I happen to take a nice little “cocktail” of Prozac and Wellbutrin not going over the recommended dose of either but allowing the two drugs to work together in their own separate ways to help  make my life easier. 

Saturday was my second day with Prozac and only because I was too lazy to make the trip into town to retrieve the prescription and I was miserable.  I was not only miserable, I was making everyone around me miserable.  And, that’s what depression does.  I am not a fun, happy, loving person, mother, wife daughter, etc when I am not in possession of the proper treatment.  And my bests are, neither are you.

Do you guys remember when Prozac first hit the market?  According to their website, it was 1986, but my memory only takes me back to 1988.  My father had died, I was a pathetic excuse of a human being and Prozac at least brought me back to semi-normal.  I was failing at a major university where I had been on the dang President’s list prior to the loss of my dad.

According to their website, it was the first drug of it’s class and has since been a catalyst in bringing attention to mental health.  And, in case you all don’t know, I have a passion when it comes to this issue.  People who dismiss other people’s depression really makes me angry.  And, Prozac has helped millions of people in more than 90 countries when it comes to depression.

I am a big proponent of helping yourself and if you suffer from depression, you are doing no one any help by denying it.  And, if someone you know suffers, you are a killer if you dismiss the idea in favor of some gimmick to make them “feel” better or issue orders of “just get over it”. 

See, I told you, it makes me emotional!  Hummmmm, imagine that?