Mental & Emotional Health

I recently started reading another great Mental & Emotional Heath blog called Mental Health Notes and I’m really enjoying reading it. Alicia Sparks wrote a (mostly) light-hearted Christmas-themed post today about The Top 5 Things My Brain Wants for Christmas and I am stealing her idea … so I bring you:

The Top 5 Things My Heart Wants for Christmas

1. to physically feel well - I haven’t been talking about it much here (been concentrating on those depressed elderly) but I’ve not been feeling well. I have blood work scheduled for Friday to rule out some more things and we’ll see … but I’d like to not hurt this Christmas

2. to be anxiety-free - not only is my health stressing me out, but I feel like I’ve got a lot of other things to deal with lately. Life is changing, and while I absolutely love change, it stresses me out and makes me feel like I have too much going on. I’d love to not be anxious for the rest of the year … or the rest of my life, actually.

3. to have mental illnesses be stigma-free - while we’re definitely not in the dark ages regarding mental health, it’s still not an “okay” diagnosis to have. It bears stigma over cancer, diabetes, IBS and the like, and I just wish it didn’t. While we’re at it, can we remove the stigma from and HIV or AIDS diagnosis, too?

4. a good night’s sleep - like heavy, full-night-long, deep as the ocean sleep. I’ve been so tired and so stressed about being tired, that I can’t sleep and it sucks. Someone let me sleep!

5. the guts to karaoke - I don’t sing very well, but I can hold my own at church and in groups. I have NO guts when it comes to karaoke. I’d love to get these guts in a pretty container … maybe with some tasty tea, too.

So, dear readers, what five things does your heart want for Christmas this year?

I’ve been gabbing on and on about my 108 resolutions for 2008 and I’m hoping that at least one of you will join me on this endeavor of making a list of things you’d like to accomplish by the end of the year. They can be small things or they can be big things, but when you’re making those big changes, I want you to take a minute and think about where you are in your life and then look at the Stages of Change Model.

I want you to look at these stages of change and decide where you fit into the puzzle with regards to the change that you would like to make.

Are you at the precontemplation stage? This stage is where there is no thought or intention of behavior change. If you’re thinking about adding something to your list of new years resolutions, you are probably not in the precontemplation stage. In fact, those in this stage are oftentimes unaware or even underaware of their problem.

Are you at the contemplation stage? In this stage you are aware the problem exists, and you are thinking about changing the behavior. You have yet to make the commitment to change, but you are thinking about it!

Are you at the preparation stage? Here, you know the problem is there and you have made the decision to change it. People in this stage are looking to make their change in the next 30 days. If you have added something to your resolutions list, you’re probably in the preparation stage.

Are you at the action stage? Here you are modifying your behaviors and your environment in order to change and overcome the problems. There are many behaviors changes and a lot of time and energy expended in this stage.’

If you’re at the maintenance stage you probably wouldn’t be reading the rest of this blog. Here you’re working to maintain and keep your gains you’ve acheived through the action stage! This stage can be as short as a few weeks and as long as decades depending on your changed actions.

So, depending on where you are in the stages of change model, your actions for a new years resolution will change. Be sure to keep these five stages in mind when you’re setting up your realistic goals!

mental & emotional health, new years resolutions, stages of change, precontemplation stage, contemplation stage, preparation stage, action stage, maintenance stage, decision making

Every year for the past four years I’ve set up a huge list of random New Year’s resolutions that I’d like to accomplish. In 2004, my initial year, I made 104 resolutions (and accomplished 84 of them). In 2005 I made 105; in 2006, 106; and in 2007 I got lazy and only made 57. 2007 has been so all over the place for me that I didn’t actually keep track of them though. In 2008 I would like to:

1. keep track of my 2008 New Years resolutions list

2. read 50 books*

3. write a one-sentence review of each book I read to keep track of my books (I plan on keeping a running “tab” on my personal blog with this information on it)

4. read two sci-fi novels*

5. read two fantasy novels*

6. read five biographies*

7. read one self-help book all the way through*

8. take one photograph a day

9. post each photograph to Flickr (as a set, with the date as the title)

10. book one wedding session**
11. book two Senior sessions**
12. book three family sessions**
13. book four one-on-one sessions**
14. learn five new PSP techniques
15. submit one photograph to the Oregon State Fair

*While I’ve bookmarked The Book Stacks here at 451Press, if you have any book recommendations for me, I really appreciate suggestions! I have read TWO science fiction books in my entire life, and while I really enjoyed one of them I’ve never felt compelled to read another. I’ve read some popular fantasy novels (the entire Lord of the Rings series) but other than that, haven’t branched out much. I adore biographies but slacked on them in the last half of this year. I normally give up on self-help books unless they’re really applicable to me so I have to find a good one.

**Obviously I’d like to branch out with my photography. If you are interested in being shot (bang bang!) let me know and I’ll pass my information and rates on to you! I would absolutely be willing to cut you a deal to help my portfolio!

mental & emotional health, New Year’s Resolutions, 108 for 2008, reading, book suggestions, photography

So, Jummy recently did a post on taking a break and then Amanda did a post on taking a break and I just had to continue the trend my doing my own post on taking a break!

Jummy concentrated on three main ways to tell whether you need a break:
You feel exhausted, you resent the tasks you once enjoyed and it’s always on your mind.

After a little more reading around, I found a few more signs that you might want to keep an eye out for!

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Part of me wants to apologize for the abundance of personal posts lately, but no one has complained and people are still reading, so I guess they’re not as tiring as I thought they could become. Mental and emotional health is such an integral part of my own life, and I try to make sure that people know I’m not ashamed of my mental and emotional health struggles so that my readers, both new and old, might one day become more comfortable sharing their own struggles with those around them.

In the past six weeks, I have had a few friends tell me that they’re noticing something different going on with me. Normally this would make me feel weird (as I wouldn’t know what they were talking about) but this time, I know exactly what the deal is. Six weeks ago I started attending church regularly again. There have been a few Sundays that I’ve missed, but it’s only been because I’ve been out of town or volunteering with Special Olympics (which I’m pretty sure that the Lord is okay with). I have felt better about everything since joining a church again.

When I am anxious, I’ve been able to pull out Matthew 6:25-27: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Not me, I can’t add anything to my life by worry. Two nights this week, intense panic feelings have been staved by the reading, re-reading, and re-reading aloud of this verse.

Making new friends within a church, hearing encouraging messages weekly, knowing that I have a place to turn to in times of darkness, and a general feeling of re-connection have really helped my life lately. People are starting to notice, and I have been so aware and thankful of the reason why. Little things have been amazing to me - the leaves blowing madly around the quad, people smiling at me as they walk by, the smell of coffee, the sunshine on cold days - it’s all been so much to encourage me lately, and I’m happy about that.

mental & emotional health, Christianity, Matthew 6:25-27, the Bible, anxiety, panic attack remedy

So, the anger tests from last week told you that you were an angry person. (You threw something at your computer after that, didn’t you?) Well, what can you do about that?

Consciously choose to remain calm during anger-inducing situations. Instead of reacting immediately, stop & think. Think about your ultimate goals for the situation you’re in and react in an appropriate way. Literally choose to be calm. (You’re stuck in traffic and get angry about it. You want to scream and flip people off and get irate. Well … what is that going to do? Your goal is to get where you’re going, and getting angry isn’t going to help you advance to your goal. Use this time to make some phone calls, even call someone to vent, sing along to your radio and consciously choose to keep cool.)

Talk about your anger. If a specific person has angered you, tell them. Take a few moments after realizing your anger (to consciously choose to remain calm) and then use your words to express your anger. Keep your words PG and use “I feel” statements rather than “you” statements. Don’t accuse, but express your own feelings. The more composed and put-together you are, the more mature you’ll come across, and the more likely you are to get a more positive reaction. Choose to keep yourself relaxed.

If you need to, leave the anger-inducing situation. Leave until you can choose to keep yourself from reacting before thinking. Sometimes this is easier than others, but if you take things five minutes at time (which is how I make it through rough patches in my own life) you can handle any situation. Remember to relax as you’ve left the situation and think before you explode. Make conscious decisions! Choose to keep your internal self put together.

Take care of yourself. Do things you like to do; go for a long swim or a run, read a book, bake some bread, visit with friends, take your son to the park and watch him be amazed by grass! Then, when you’re in an anger-inducing situation, think back on these things that you so enjoy to do and let it soothe your increased blood pressure. Looking at these positive things is helpful for many Chose to remember the happy times during times of stress!

I realize that these may seem easier to read about than to implement, but by being aware that you are angry and that you can CHOOSE to be angry, you may start realizing that you can also choose NOT to be angry.

mental & emotional health, anger, anger management, anger management techniques, choices

Within the past year, my self-description has changed. I used to be “Sarah, 25, divorced, a reader, a writer, a photographer.” In the past few months, I have noticed that it has morphed. “Sarah, 25, full-time student, part-time assistant, a writer, a photographer, a reader, a friend, a daughter.” I’m excited! Notice what’s missing?

Leaving out “divorced” doesn’t mean that I no longer am divorced, but it makes me see how much less it effects my life. While I was never just divorced, it used to be such a prominent piece of my life and it’s exciting and I’m thankful that it has changed.

I am a reader: Over 100 blogs a day (I am so behind), a book a week (Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides) and textbooks/school articles never ending.

I am a writer: I write 5+ emails a day, at least one snail-mail letter a week and easily over 50 blog posts (between four blogs) a month.

I am a photographer: Just yesterday on the way in to campus I shot 150 pictures from the hip. No one knew I was shooting them (talk about empowering!). I can’t wait to see what I came up with.

I am a friend: I may not always be the greatest of friends, but I am there. Spending the weekend introducing old friends from separate parts of my life to one another made me realize what a wonderful bunch of people I surround myself with.

I am a daughter: and a sister and a grand-daughter, and a niece and a psuedo-aunt. I have a family around me who recently told me that I’m worth 40 “kafillion” dollars. The female role models I grew up with (my mom & my mom’s mom) are my heroes. I have a “niece” and two “nephews” who aren’t related through blood but make my life less childless and more enjoyable. I am lucky to be so loved.

I am so much more than divorced.

mental & emotional health, divorce, young divorcee, life change, who are you?, who am I?

Unfortunately, the past few weeks have been highly stressful in my life. With quitting my job, taking a week off, starting school, having to write two mini-papers in the first 7 days of school, and friends moving away, you could say that I’ve had a lot on my plate. It’s been disconcerting going from a very stress free job to a job that the rest of my life could depend on. It has me thinking about how stressed I really am allowing myself to get for something that I could be more relaxed about.

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Today was the first day of school. It was a little overwhelming time-wise on top of being brand new everywhere else. I have class on Mondays from 11:30am-6:30pm with a two-hour break in between the 2nd and 3rd class. Today I couldn’t be as productive as I wanted because a) I didn’t actually have two hours, and b) I couldn’t get online because I didn’t get all my stuff taken care of like I thought I would. Tomorrow I have a one-hour break (10-11am) and am going to try to get my student ID made as well as my ODIN (email) account secured. This will help me with future time management issues I may have. I’m really sure you all care to know what I’m doing on my “lunch” break tomorrow. *shakes her head* Sometimes I wonder about my own self.

It’s 9pm and I’m only future-posting by 11 hours. That’s rare for me. I wanted to use my two hour break to get some posts ready for the rest of the week, but that didn’t happen. I now write for two 451Press blogs, and while I am thoroughly enjoying it, time management wasn’t something I had to worry about before school started. I could write at work, I could write at home in the afternoon/evenings and I could get everything done and still have plenty of time. Learning about 451Press’ new payout schedule today (fellow 451 writers, isn’t it exciting?)

Tonight I had to get home (traffic in downtown Portland at 6:30pm is not fun) and then take care of a financial issue (just writing a letter) and then I had to do homework! Homework! For the first time in a year (I did take a class last fall, but it’s been THREE years since I had to write a paper!) I had homework. I’m spending tomorrow evening away from the house and so I wouldn’t have had time to write it then, so I tackled it tonight.

So, I need to re-learn how to manage my own time. I’ve been successful in the past with it, and hope that eventually I’ll slide back into an old routine, but today it’s been quite overwhelming. Eventually I’ll find a place to sit for two hours during my breaks and either do homework or future-post. Hopefully. Maybe.

After I write my other article tonight I’m hoping to do a little time-management “research” to see if I can’t find some great (and some silly, perhaps!) pieces of advice for the rest of you struggling to find enough hours in your day to get everything done!

[tags]mental & emotional health, 451 press, eating disorder talk, life as a Christian woman, depression talk online, time management, Portland State University, education, school, back to school, writing[tags]

So, as of this week I’ve been off Prozac for five months. I feel incredible. I still have rough days, but overall, have learned to manage my anxiety and depression with healthy habits and life-changes. I haven’t sunk into a hole and avoided everyone (unless you can count work as a hole) and I haven’t ignored my friends because of a funk. I’m pretty impressed with myself actually.

School starts on Monday and I’m really looking forward to the changes that is going to bring. I am going to be enveloped in books and class and studying and pens and tests and crazy Freshmen and it’s all going to be new, but still very familiar.

It used to be that I had a hard time making friends, but I’ve learned that it’s not so hard, and it’s not impossible for me. It’s been interesting to me to look back on the friendships that I’ve made in the past five months and see how they differ from friendships of five years ago. I keep myself and my previous struggles relatively quiet and to myself, until I think a person is “ready” to hear about them.

Yesterday I spent the day with a good friend at the beach, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. We laughed so hard my stomach hurt more than a dozen times, we sang along badly to all sorts of music and it was worth the gas and the drive-time. I am proud to see myself as this changed woman, and I feel good about the way my life has been altered. My favorite thing to hear lately has been; “I don’t even recognize you!” because I know I haven’t physically changed - they’re seeing what I’m feeling.

mental & emotional health, personal, change, depression, anxiety

So, I have been feeling great some days, and then been DOOOOOOWN in the dumps for an hour or so and then I’ll pick myself up and out and feel great again. I got to thinking, on my way home from seeing MamaDee, BabyDee and DadDee, that I needed to write down the goals I’d like to accomplish in hopes of making them a little more concreted, and something else to help pick myself up. So, here goes!

*I want to start running again. My body has been achey lately and I haven’t run since I moved out of my other house. It’s been five weeks. I want to start again but for a while hadn’t been feeling up to it … now I should just get on that.

*I want to find a second job. I have a prospective (additional) employer in my voicemail right now (with the PERFECT hours to ADD to the Ballroom job) and will call her back tomorrow. I need a) something else to do with my afternoons than watch Dr. Phil and laugh at his fat, bald ass; and b) more money in my life (and unfortunately this blog is just not cutting that “extra income” thing for me).

*I want to apply for the Portland, Oregon blog. I live here … I have PLENTY to say about my beautiful town. I must email MissZoot about getting into this.

*I want to have my finances in WRITTEN order (so I know exactly where I stand) before school starts. I must figure out a budget and stay within it.

*I want to learn to knit. I have all the supplies and will be meeting with a friend who is a knitting MASTER next week (she is the one who gave me all my knitting supplies) and she is going to help me with this goal. Scarves for everyone next Christmas!!

*I want to keep my house clean. No, really; I used to be really great at this, but then was on medication for so long that it literally made me so relaxed I wouldn’t clean. Things have changed within that realm and this medication, so hopefully I can make that change, too.

Now, my next step is going to be to set the short-term goals that will lead me to these long-term goals. I am going to get on top of this … I must!

mental and emotional health, goals, personal goals, goal setting

As of this year, I have been living with depression for ten years. I’ve been dealing with feelings of worthlessness, social withdrawal, and at my worst, suicidal tendencies for a decade now. I am 25-years-old and have lived with this illness since I was 15; it is a part of me, and while I am more than just depressed, it is a huge part of who I am. However, lately I’ve noticed that things are changing for me.

Lately I’ve noticed that I’ve been feeling HAPPY more often than not.
~little things make me happy; being invited to a movie-night with my friends, getting a phone call from my best friend, laughing with my mom about our mutual love for Willie Nelson

Lately I’ve noticed that I am smiling all the time.
~during my entire hike over the weekend I was smiling, putting on my sunhat to sit in the super-hot Oregon weather made me smile, seeing that there is a new episode of A&E’s Intervention onDemand made me smile (although I will probably eventually cry from it)

Lately I’ve noticed that I’ve been enjoying my life!
~my work thoroughly pleases me, I’m really looking forward toschool starting in September, even my neighbor’s incessant hammering (remodeling) isn’t bothering me like it used to, reading has become an absolute pleasure for me again instead of just an escape

Lately I’ve noticed that while I have my depressed moments, they are becoming fewer and farther between.
~even while so upset about the finality of my relationship with Mr.E., it took me 40 hours to move past it and realize that I’m worth more than that, I had a panic attack early last week and it was the first one that I can remember having in months and months

Lately I’ve noticed that my coping methods when I am depressed have changed.
~instead of feeling the need to escape (by reading, having a beer or two, not answering the phone/hiding), I’ve reached out when I’ve felt depressed. I’ve made it known to friends when I’m feeling down and I have been asking for help. This is a huge change for me.

Lately I’ve been weirded out that this stuff is changing. I don’t quite know what to do with myself; so instead of thinking about it too much, I’m sitting back and enjoying it!!

Hi, my name is Sarah; I smile a lot lately.

mental and emotional health, depression, anxiety, Accutane, depression causes, happy, healing, healthy, smiling, enjoying life, coping methods, relationships, dating

I spent my weekend refreshing myself at Mount St. Helens. I hiked alone for the first time in my life and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I needed some time to get away, re-think a lot of things that have just happened in my life and really sit inside of my head. I did just that, and took a million pictures while I was doing so! You can see the pictures here if you’re interested.

Life has been topsy-turvey for me in the past couple of weeks, and I just want to apologize for my lack of “regular” posts. Plus, I have been setting these posts up to show up at 8am every day, but they aren’t coming up. I have emailed my bosses about this in hopes of them being able to tell me what the deal is, but for now I’m just being frustrated with my blog! (Are any of you other 451Press writers noticing problems?)

Tomorrow, hopefully, posts of the regular sorts will come back. I’ve been doing some research on pregnancy & depression that I hope to share with ya’ll!

mental and emotional health, personal, Mount St. Helens, photographs, nature photography, 451Press, blog problems

I’ve been tagged by Neel so now I get to have a mid-week me on Monday! It’ll be a Monday-Meme day or something!
-Pass your friends a note by leaving a comment.
-Visit them by hitting their site.
-Show them love with a link to their entry.

So here goes: Seven Things You (Probably) Don’t Know About Me
1. Most of my in-person/in-real-life/see-everyday friends don’t know about this blog. Some of them don’t know that I deal with so many mental illness issues and because I work really hard to keep myself 100% put together in front of them 100% of the time, so I don’t want all of them seeing the real me. Yes, this means that you, my faithful blog readers, get to see the real me.

2. I detest being called by diminutive names by people who I’m not close to. I’m okay with nicknames from my friends, from my family, and even if I’m close to a guy I’m dating, but I hate being called “sweetheart” by the grocery store clerk. I’m not her sweetheart and I never will be; I don’t call you honey-buns, you don’t need to demean me and call me sweetheart! (I’ve been told I’d never cut it in the South because of this!)

3. The sound of ocean waves puts me in a melancholy & contemplative mood. I love the ocean, I love the water, I love the salt, I love the sand, I love the fact that I’m standing on the edge of a continent when I’m at the ocean, and it always makes me think. I didn’t see the ocean for the first time until I was 12 (I played on glaciers in AK when I lived there, but didn’t count that as the ocean) and ever since then I’ve been entranced by the feelings the ocean gives me. The ocean makes me want to write. Even just writing about the ocean makes me want to write.

4. A year ago I lived with such strong social anxiety I couldn’t make friends. I couldn’t keep friends because I wouldn’t leave the house to hang out with them, I wouldn’t call them back, I wouldn’t even write them back with emails because I was that anxious about making the “right” impression on people. I have grown so much in the past year that I have no problem making new friends, calling people back, attending concerts (I saw Willie Nelson on Saturday night and that was AMAZING!) and thoroughly enjoying myself while I do so.

5. I love to cook, but hate cooking for only myself. I make mean chicken or ground turkey enchiladas and I’ve never had anyone complain about them. I love to bake (especially sourdough and banana bread) and take pride in people complimenting my culinary abilities. Because I don’t like to cook for myself, I don’t cook hardly enough anymore though. Eating the same thing day after day can drive me crazy so leftovers (which I do love) aren’t always fun for myself. I need to learn to FREEZE stuff and then just reheat it a week later when I’m ready for it again.

6. Vacuuming is my absolute favorite chore. There is something relaxing about the back and forth motion of the electric sucking machine. Everyone I tell this to stares at me funny and I always laugh. I hate to clean the bathroom* (don’t really know why) but I do love to suck dirt from the carpets with my trusty Shark!

7. I think I have a mineral deficiency. I have recently realized that I am starting to bruise really easily, and have been doing research as to why. One of the things that came up may be that I am eating too many almonds. Almonds apparently have some of the same properties as aspirin and I’ve been eating a lot of them, so that may be part of it. I could also be lacking in Vitamin C (which might very well be the case, too). I’m going to continue doing my research and see what happens.

Now I’m supposed to tag some other people so I’m picking four people I know regularly read me!
1. Amanda at Depression Talk
2. Mad at Mad Haiku (do it in Haiku form and you’ll be even more of my hero!)
3. Mallory at Mallory In The Middle
4. Just Me at Master of Irony (when you have time, sweetheart! *giggles*)

mental and emotional health, meme, 7 things about me, personal, nicknames, pet peeves, grocery shopping, ocean, sounds, waves, writing, melancholy, contemplative, social anxiety, making friends, keeping friends, growing, learning, healing, cooking, recipes, leftovers, mineral deficiency, vitamin C, vitamin K iron, anemia

*that bathroom is NOT mine!

Follow this 5-day countdown to your Quit Date.

5 Days Before Your Quit Date
Think about your reasons for quitting.
Tell your friends and family you are planning to quit. Stop buying cigarettes.

4 Days Before Your Quit Date
Pay attention to when and why you smoke.
Think of other things to hold in your hand instead of a cigarette.
Think of habits or routines to change.

3 Days Before Your Quit Date
What will you do with the extra money when you stop buying cigarettes?
Think of who to reach out to when you need help.

2 Days Before Your Quit Date
Buy the nicotine patch or nicotine gum.
Or see your doctor to get the nicotine inhaler, nasal spray, or the non-nicotine pill.

1 Day Before Your Quit Date
Put away lighters and ashtrays.
Throw away all cigarettes and matches.
Clean your clothes to get rid of the smell of cigarette smoke.

Quit Day
Keep very busy.
Remind family and friends that this is your quit day. Stay away from alcohol.
Give yourself a treat, or do something special.

Smoke Free
Congratulations!!!
If you “slip” and smoke, don’t give up. Set a new date to get back on track.
Call a friend or “quit smoking” support group.
Eat healthy food and get exercise.

Then we have Nicotine Replacement Therapies!

Nicotine replacement therapies (NRTs), such as nicotine gum and the transdermal nicotine patch, were the first pharmacological treatments approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for use in smoking cessation therapy. NRTs are used (in conjunction with behavioral support) to relieve withdrawal symptoms — they produce less severe physiological alterations than tobacco-based systems and generally provide users with lower overall nicotine levels than they receive with tobacco. An added benefit is that these forms of nicotine have little abuse potential since they do not produce the pleasurable effects of tobacco products — nor do they contain the carcinogens and gases associated with tobacco smoke. Behavioral treatments, even beyond what is recommended on packaging labels, have been shown to enhance the effectiveness of NRTs and improve long-term outcomes.

The FDA’s approval of nicotine gum in 1984 marked the availability (by prescription) of the first NRT on the U.S. market. In 1996, the FDA approved Nicorette gum for over-the-counter (OTC) sales. Whereas nicotine gum provides some smokers with the desired control over dose and the ability to relieve cravings, others are unable to tolerate the taste and chewing demands. In 1991 and 1992, the FDA approved four transdermal nicotine patches, two of which became OTC products in 1996. In 1996 a nicotine nasal spray, and in 1998 a nicotine inhaler, also became available by prescription, thus meeting the needs of many additional tobacco users. All the NRT products — gum, patch, spray, and inhaler — appear to be equally effective.

mental and emotional health, smoking, smoking cessation, five-day countdown, nicotine replacement therapies