Mental & Emotional Health

I’ve written quite extensively about my foot, my disgust with the fact that it has taken 3 plus months for it to get well and I’ve been in a cast for about as long as I can tolerate it now.  And, I’ve written plenty of whining posts here too.  But now, I have one more week til my next doctor appointment and I think it’s time to have some fun.

Person 1:  How did you hurt your ankle?

ME:  I was snow skiing.

Person 1:  Looks at me, analyzes what 220 pounds would look like on ski’s and decided he’ll shut up.

Person 2:  How did you hurt your….what exactly is hurt?

Me:  My ankle, I broke it, I was skateboarding, those guys get tough on those metal bars outside the library

Person 2:  Looks at me as if…..he is too embarrassed to even say as if what…..

Person 3:  How did you hurt your ankle?  Or foot? Or what did you do?

Me:  I was hiking through Africa, we had been away for 4 days we were running out of water and we were all getting really tired.  I think they had sent search crews after us because shortly after I felt down a this embankment the rescue squad showed up.

Person 3:  Wow, you did that?

Me:  You in my head.

This post will bring you to some intense thoughts.  Whether your thoughts are good or bad or indifferent, you have to read it and understand what it is like to be a woman, to be a woman in this woman’s shoes…you have to know what it means to be a parent. 

What Catherine did is so awesome on so many levels.  There are many milk banks out there, there are women who donate their breast milk before leaving the hospital, there are cultures where breastfeeding some one else’s child is a norm.  And, apparently, if you read the comments, there are plenty of people who have experienced this first hand.

Now, also if you read the comments, you see there are some folks there who think she was wrong and for whatever reason they think anyone cares what they think.  You know, if you don’t like someone’s blog or what they write, don’t go read it.  Her Bad Mother was kind enough not to call the person out, not link to them, not send tons of hate mail his/her way.  Say what you will, some folks knew who wrote and that’s all well and good, but the fact is, if you can’t say something nice, it’s just best you don’t say anything at all…wouldn’t you say?

I’m starting to get back to my old self.  I still find I’m pretty sleepy in the mornings but I figure that will subside with another week or so of therapy.  I’m back to loving my kids, loving my family and it only cost me $15 and a couple of weeks of growing accustom to the new drug while losing the effects of the other one.

I honestly hope, and I do mean I honestly hope, that Prozac is magic for me this time just as it was 20 years ago.   Please cross your fingers too, mmkay?

I think I mentioned to you guys some time back that my husband and I are in counseling.  It isn’t as if we had serious marital issues either.  We simply have some hashing out to do and I generally don’t play fair.  I say that with hesitation.  I mean, no one wants to admit that they are not behaving, right?

Anyway, we’ve been to 3 or 4 sessions together.  One of the issues that we deemed needed some moderating was that our children still slept with us.  I now say the following with fingers, toes, arms, and legs crossed; our children now go to sleep in their bed without tears and fighting.

And, the person who had to make the change in order for that to happen was me.  When the subject was broached with the counselor, his answer came only after a few questions.  The questions were:

• are you sure this is what you want
• are you willing to deal with the immediate negative turn in order to get to the finish line

We answered yes to both questions.  After Wayne explained his version of why the kids won’t sleep in their own room which went something like, "they know if they cry long enough and ask momma, she will give in", the counselor said, "if you are sure you want to make this happen, then the two of you have to find a way to make it work". 

I agreed but with much apprehension.  How long can a momma listen to her babies cry?  Why should she have to if she can sooth them?  And, since they don’t bother me by sleeping in my bed, why am I the one who has to make the sacrifice for it to work?

And, he asked us again, "are you sure you want this to happen".  My husband said, yes, without a second thought.  And, I said, yes, I am willing to do what I have to do in order to make it happen so that in turn my husband is happy.

Between the visits that we talked about this we had made no progress.  I was staying out of it the best I could but after so long, I simply couldn’t take it.  I would find my kids lying in the doorway on the floor of their room.  They had cried themselves to sleep.  They didn’t have to do that, they only wanted me.  They wanted to be with me.  I want them to be with me. 

Finally, I showed my husband research report after report that says "watching TV before bed is too stimulating for children".  Everyone’s advice, aside from the counselors was to get rid of the television.  And, so we did. 

Now, they go to bed, they don’t ask for TV (which was always the source of a huge argument and I know that the arguing was getting them all wild), they don’t take anything to bed to drink with them anymore, not even water.  They don’t have any excuses to come out of their room. 

Formerly they came out once or twice each for more water, then the TV issue, then it was too dark when the TV went off, blah blah blah.

Now, now it is different.  I stayed out of the crying and let my husband handle it.  But, he met me part of the way and allowed the boys to leave the bathroom light on AND to leave their door open.

For now, it’s a win win.

Here’s a link to another family’s struggle with sleep problems.

Listen, I don’t mean to keep talking about myself here but no one is giving me anything else to buzz about, so again today, you get me.  As I’ve written already, I’m changing my medication (not necessarily I but we meaning the doctor and I) from Cymbalta which toted a hefty $60 co-pay to Prozac which is only $15.  It seemed like common sense.

I’ve been on Cymbalta for several years now and I hated to rock the boat.  We were just flowing along so nicely.  But, monetarily, $60 is just a lot of money when you consider the costs of other drugs that we require around here. 

So, Cymbalta is out, Prozac is in.  Prozac was the first anti-depressant I ever took and when I started it, I don’t recall any side-effects.  For instance, when my husband first started his anti-depressant medication (Lexapro), he had plenty of side effects which eased up as the week wore on.  But, when I started Prozac, I don’t remember any such issues.

But, now, switching from one to the other has kept me down.  I’m dizzy, I’m lethargic, and I’m a little grumpy.  Not as grumpy as I once was without medication, but the change over has been difficult.  I just hope it works out for the best and I haven’t wasted this week for naught. 

Stay tuned and we shall see…

I don’t know how many of you have even heard of the book The White Trash Mom’s Handbook by Michelle Lamar and Molly Wendland but if you need to do our best to get your hands on a copy of this book and read it.  You may wonder how it has anything to do with Mental and Emotional Health.  Just keep reading, I’m going to tell you.

I remember distinctly being bullied in school.  I was bullied for all kinds of reasons.  I was bullied because my parents weren’t married to each other.  So, don’t think for one minute that your child and his peers know nothing about you and your partner/spouse/significant other.  These kids are sponges and they are absorbing everything they see and hear.

I’ve known for 5 years that my child would start school in August of 2008.  One of my goals was not to be labeled in a way that would embarrass my children.  When we had our Christmas photos made professionally in 2006, I told my husband that I was "losing some weight before next Christmas because I’m not hiding in the back for every Christmas photo we have made". 

Guess what?  I didn’t lose any and I actually gained (which I now know is the result of diabetes and thyroid) a little weight.  So, when Christmas professional picture time came around in 2007, I hid in the back again.  At that time, I told my husband, "I’m losing some weight because I do not want Walker to have to deal with other kids saying that the fat woman is Walker’s mommy."

Do I really think kids will do that?  Your doggone right they will.  I don’t think for one minute that the kids won’t notice and I  know from experience that they will make fun of me and in return make fun of my son. 

And, you know what happens when you mess with one of Mama Bear’s Cubs, right?  Yea, Mama Bear gets angry.  But, I did lose but approximately 10 pounds and thus far I’m not doing a very good job at trying. 

But, as son as I am given the thumbs up from my doctor to go ahead and exercise (remember I have mono), I have a treadmill in my living room just calling my name.  Yup, I may have to hide in this year’s Christmas photo too but next year, not a chance!  And, my children’s peers aren’t going to label me as "the fat woman" forever.  I can promise you that.

I’ve given you lots of information on me.  And, depending on who is reading, I may have given you way more information than necessary.  But since today is my birthday, and I have one official hour left, I’m on CST, I’m going to give you something Mental and Emotional to think about.

My parents were as different as night and day.  My mother a religious zealot (and I do not mean that disrespectfully in any way) and my father a complete liberal.  My mother was a scream at you, make you feel guilty by not speaking to you and grab the belt and spank you out of anger kind of parent.  Needless to say, I’ve kept a lot from her over the years. 

My mom played the guilt card because I hurt her.  In one of her marriages, which was actually a man she married 3 times, they lived in the same house, slept in the same bed, watch the same TV and ate the same meals, yet my mother didn’t speak to him for 6 weeks.  Do you realize how hard it would be do such a thing?  I couldn’t do it, but she did.  And, she would treat me the same way.  She would just quit speaking to me if I made her mad or even if I simply didn’t do what she wanted, not what she asked or expected but what she wanted.  She has done it to me as an adult as well.  As recently as about 16 months ago, she got angry with me, left my house screaming and crying and didn’t call me for 3 days.  I did call her a couple of times but she didn’t answer.  So, that’s my mom in a nutshell.  Don’t get me wrong, I love her dearly, but that is just how she is.

My father was a politician.  He played the guilt card on occasion but he played in reference to me disappointing him and how he had high expectations for me.  He taught high school and did for most of his career.  He simply had a better understanding of child development as well as how to deal with teenagers.  There wasn’t much that I was afraid to tell him.  Although I know if he were here now, he would have gone through periods where he would be very concerned for me, but I don’t remember anything that has happened in the last 20 years that he would have dealt me emotional or mental blows. 

Now, that’s not to say that my mom was wrong and my dad was right.  You know it simply doesn’t work that way.  But, the reason I started this story was to tell you that I got a tattoo today.  If my father were alive, I would have talked to him about it prior to coming to the beach or even prior to getting a tattoo to celebrate my 40th birthday.  My mom?  I still haven’t told her and I won’t until I am home and can show it to her. 

My father would have just given me the information I needed to pick a clean, well-established parlor.  My mom may decide that she is no longer going to help me with my children during the week or that she is not taking them to church with her the next day and she may very well not speak to me for a few days. 

But, the trick is, she might look at it and go, "oh my, why did you do that?’ and never mention it again.  And, she could just act like nothing is different, ask me questions about it and be done with it.

Now, as you can see, this absolutely ties into the way in which I was raised.  It directly shows you how my mother and father created my personality.  My mother causing the anxiety, my father trying to teach me and help me learn.  It isn’t all my mother’s fault that I was anxious and depressed as a child.  I can’t lay full blame on her.  But, I can say that in no way did she ever act as if she recognized my problems.

Even now, there are times when she questions why I take anti-depressants.  Why can’t I just go to church, be holy, know God and not need medication?  In so many ways, I am distinctly like my father.  They divorced when I was 4 and spent many years after that arguing. 

I love my mother.  I respect my mother.  She is simply different than me.  I will keep you updated on the emotional side of how this all plays out when my mom finds out that I chose a tattoo to celebrate turning 40.  And, without any more silly chatter, I give you a photo of my shoulder…this tattoo is brand new, less than a couple of hours old so it is still somewhat puffy…don’t be alarmed, it is going to be beautiful when it heals. 

Oh and the pain I expected to feel, it was almost pleasant in a sick kind of way.  I read a book and sent text messages back in forth with several people with my free hand to keep my mind off of it. I tried to send a book with my husband who has a fear of needles.  But, he wouldn’t take it, I would love to be a fly on the wall while he is sitting there being jabbed with a needle and ink.  His tattoo is an American Bald Eagle that has red, white and blue stripes on him.  Naturally, I’ll get you that photo as well tomorrow.

I’m sure you all remember at least one year of your young years that you were apprehensive about starting school.  Some kids are like that every year and some like that every Monday and some every day.  Luckily for me, I usually got nervous around the 6th and 7th grades but other than that, my self-confidence was pretty good and I enjoyed it.

My son started kindergarten 3 weeks ago and I knew he was a social butterfly.  I call him a politician.  He can talk to anyone about anything.  He come by that honestly.  Sadly I have to take the blame for that trait.  Right now he is sitting alone in the back of the room because he won’t quit talking all day long.

On his first day of school, he was a bit bumfuzzled as to why I was going inside with him.  We had been once and met his teacher so he felt like he knew where to go and he didn’t need me.  I told him that I was going that day and we would talk about the next day later.

Well, he took off in front of me, went to his room, sat down by his name tag and was ready for something to happen.  When most of the parents started clearing out, I looked back and my son gave me the following look.

Now does that look like a kid who is emotionally strained by the thought of starting school?  Of course not.  He still loves it and wouldn’t allow me to walk him inside the second day.  He had gone about his own way with only one day of guidance from me. 

I’ll let you know later how the second born will do.  It will be merely speculation but based on some on a stern foundation.

So, how is it for you?  Discuss?

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I recently started reading another great Mental & Emotional Heath blog called Mental Health Notes and I’m really enjoying reading it. Alicia Sparks wrote a (mostly) light-hearted Christmas-themed post today about The Top 5 Things My Brain Wants for Christmas and I am stealing her idea … so I bring you:

The Top 5 Things My Heart Wants for Christmas

1. to physically feel well - I haven’t been talking about it much here (been concentrating on those depressed elderly) but I’ve not been feeling well. I have blood work scheduled for Friday to rule out some more things and we’ll see … but I’d like to not hurt this Christmas

2. to be anxiety-free - not only is my health stressing me out, but I feel like I’ve got a lot of other things to deal with lately. Life is changing, and while I absolutely love change, it stresses me out and makes me feel like I have too much going on. I’d love to not be anxious for the rest of the year … or the rest of my life, actually.

3. to have mental illnesses be stigma-free - while we’re definitely not in the dark ages regarding mental health, it’s still not an “okay” diagnosis to have. It bears stigma over cancer, diabetes, IBS and the like, and I just wish it didn’t. While we’re at it, can we remove the stigma from and HIV or AIDS diagnosis, too?

4. a good night’s sleep - like heavy, full-night-long, deep as the ocean sleep. I’ve been so tired and so stressed about being tired, that I can’t sleep and it sucks. Someone let me sleep!

5. the guts to karaoke - I don’t sing very well, but I can hold my own at church and in groups. I have NO guts when it comes to karaoke. I’d love to get these guts in a pretty container … maybe with some tasty tea, too.

So, dear readers, what five things does your heart want for Christmas this year?

I’ve been gabbing on and on about my 108 resolutions for 2008 and I’m hoping that at least one of you will join me on this endeavor of making a list of things you’d like to accomplish by the end of the year. They can be small things or they can be big things, but when you’re making those big changes, I want you to take a minute and think about where you are in your life and then look at the Stages of Change Model.

I want you to look at these stages of change and decide where you fit into the puzzle with regards to the change that you would like to make.

Are you at the precontemplation stage? This stage is where there is no thought or intention of behavior change. If you’re thinking about adding something to your list of new years resolutions, you are probably not in the precontemplation stage. In fact, those in this stage are oftentimes unaware or even underaware of their problem.

Are you at the contemplation stage? In this stage you are aware the problem exists, and you are thinking about changing the behavior. You have yet to make the commitment to change, but you are thinking about it!

Are you at the preparation stage? Here, you know the problem is there and you have made the decision to change it. People in this stage are looking to make their change in the next 30 days. If you have added something to your resolutions list, you’re probably in the preparation stage.

Are you at the action stage? Here you are modifying your behaviors and your environment in order to change and overcome the problems. There are many behaviors changes and a lot of time and energy expended in this stage.’

If you’re at the maintenance stage you probably wouldn’t be reading the rest of this blog. Here you’re working to maintain and keep your gains you’ve acheived through the action stage! This stage can be as short as a few weeks and as long as decades depending on your changed actions.

So, depending on where you are in the stages of change model, your actions for a new years resolution will change. Be sure to keep these five stages in mind when you’re setting up your realistic goals!

mental & emotional health, new years resolutions, stages of change, precontemplation stage, contemplation stage, preparation stage, action stage, maintenance stage, decision making

Every year for the past four years I’ve set up a huge list of random New Year’s resolutions that I’d like to accomplish. In 2004, my initial year, I made 104 resolutions (and accomplished 84 of them). In 2005 I made 105; in 2006, 106; and in 2007 I got lazy and only made 57. 2007 has been so all over the place for me that I didn’t actually keep track of them though. In 2008 I would like to:

1. keep track of my 2008 New Years resolutions list

2. read 50 books*

3. write a one-sentence review of each book I read to keep track of my books (I plan on keeping a running “tab� on my personal blog with this information on it)

4. read two sci-fi novels*

5. read two fantasy novels*

6. read five biographies*

7. read one self-help book all the way through*

8. take one photograph a day

9. post each photograph to Flickr (as a set, with the date as the title)

10. book one wedding session**
11. book two Senior sessions**
12. book three family sessions**
13. book four one-on-one sessions**
14. learn five new PSP techniques
15. submit one photograph to the Oregon State Fair

*While I’ve bookmarked The Book Stacks here at 451Press, if you have any book recommendations for me, I really appreciate suggestions! I have read TWO science fiction books in my entire life, and while I really enjoyed one of them I’ve never felt compelled to read another. I’ve read some popular fantasy novels (the entire Lord of the Rings series) but other than that, haven’t branched out much. I adore biographies but slacked on them in the last half of this year. I normally give up on self-help books unless they’re really applicable to me so I have to find a good one.

**Obviously I’d like to branch out with my photography. If you are interested in being shot (bang bang!) let me know and I’ll pass my information and rates on to you! I would absolutely be willing to cut you a deal to help my portfolio!

mental & emotional health, New Year’s Resolutions, 108 for 2008, reading, book suggestions, photography

So, Jummy recently did a post on taking a break and then Amanda did a post on taking a break and I just had to continue the trend my doing my own post on taking a break!

Jummy concentrated on three main ways to tell whether you need a break:
You feel exhausted, you resent the tasks you once enjoyed and it’s always on your mind.

After a little more reading around, I found a few more signs that you might want to keep an eye out for!

(more…)

Part of me wants to apologize for the abundance of personal posts lately, but no one has complained and people are still reading, so I guess they’re not as tiring as I thought they could become. Mental and emotional health is such an integral part of my own life, and I try to make sure that people know I’m not ashamed of my mental and emotional health struggles so that my readers, both new and old, might one day become more comfortable sharing their own struggles with those around them.

In the past six weeks, I have had a few friends tell me that they’re noticing something different going on with me. Normally this would make me feel weird (as I wouldn’t know what they were talking about) but this time, I know exactly what the deal is. Six weeks ago I started attending church regularly again. There have been a few Sundays that I’ve missed, but it’s only been because I’ve been out of town or volunteering with Special Olympics (which I’m pretty sure that the Lord is okay with). I have felt better about everything since joining a church again.

When I am anxious, I’ve been able to pull out Matthew 6:25-27: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Not me, I can’t add anything to my life by worry. Two nights this week, intense panic feelings have been staved by the reading, re-reading, and re-reading aloud of this verse.

Making new friends within a church, hearing encouraging messages weekly, knowing that I have a place to turn to in times of darkness, and a general feeling of re-connection have really helped my life lately. People are starting to notice, and I have been so aware and thankful of the reason why. Little things have been amazing to me - the leaves blowing madly around the quad, people smiling at me as they walk by, the smell of coffee, the sunshine on cold days - it’s all been so much to encourage me lately, and I’m happy about that.

mental & emotional health, Christianity, Matthew 6:25-27, the Bible, anxiety, panic attack remedy

So, the anger tests from last week told you that you were an angry person. (You threw something at your computer after that, didn’t you?) Well, what can you do about that?

Consciously choose to remain calm during anger-inducing situations. Instead of reacting immediately, stop & think. Think about your ultimate goals for the situation you’re in and react in an appropriate way. Literally choose to be calm. (You’re stuck in traffic and get angry about it. You want to scream and flip people off and get irate. Well … what is that going to do? Your goal is to get where you’re going, and getting angry isn’t going to help you advance to your goal. Use this time to make some phone calls, even call someone to vent, sing along to your radio and consciously choose to keep cool.)

Talk about your anger. If a specific person has angered you, tell them. Take a few moments after realizing your anger (to consciously choose to remain calm) and then use your words to express your anger. Keep your words PG and use “I feel” statements rather than “you” statements. Don’t accuse, but express your own feelings. The more composed and put-together you are, the more mature you’ll come across, and the more likely you are to get a more positive reaction. Choose to keep yourself relaxed.

If you need to, leave the anger-inducing situation. Leave until you can choose to keep yourself from reacting before thinking. Sometimes this is easier than others, but if you take things five minutes at time (which is how I make it through rough patches in my own life) you can handle any situation. Remember to relax as you’ve left the situation and think before you explode. Make conscious decisions! Choose to keep your internal self put together.

Take care of yourself. Do things you like to do; go for a long swim or a run, read a book, bake some bread, visit with friends, take your son to the park and watch him be amazed by grass! Then, when you’re in an anger-inducing situation, think back on these things that you so enjoy to do and let it soothe your increased blood pressure. Looking at these positive things is helpful for many Chose to remember the happy times during times of stress!

I realize that these may seem easier to read about than to implement, but by being aware that you are angry and that you can CHOOSE to be angry, you may start realizing that you can also choose NOT to be angry.

mental & emotional health, anger, anger management, anger management techniques, choices

Within the past year, my self-description has changed. I used to be “Sarah, 25, divorced, a reader, a writer, a photographer.” In the past few months, I have noticed that it has morphed. “Sarah, 25, full-time student, part-time assistant, a writer, a photographer, a reader, a friend, a daughter.” I’m excited! Notice what’s missing?

Leaving out “divorced” doesn’t mean that I no longer am divorced, but it makes me see how much less it effects my life. While I was never just divorced, it used to be such a prominent piece of my life and it’s exciting and I’m thankful that it has changed.

I am a reader: Over 100 blogs a day (I am so behind), a book a week (Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides) and textbooks/school articles never ending.

I am a writer: I write 5+ emails a day, at least one snail-mail letter a week and easily over 50 blog posts (between four blogs) a month.

I am a photographer: Just yesterday on the way in to campus I shot 150 pictures from the hip. No one knew I was shooting them (talk about empowering!). I can’t wait to see what I came up with.

I am a friend: I may not always be the greatest of friends, but I am there. Spending the weekend introducing old friends from separate parts of my life to one another made me realize what a wonderful bunch of people I surround myself with.

I am a daughter: and a sister and a grand-daughter, and a niece and a psuedo-aunt. I have a family around me who recently told me that I’m worth 40 “kafillion” dollars. The female role models I grew up with (my mom & my mom’s mom) are my heroes. I have a “niece” and two “nephews” who aren’t related through blood but make my life less childless and more enjoyable. I am lucky to be so loved.

I am so much more than divorced.

mental & emotional health, divorce, young divorcee, life change, who are you?, who am I?