Mental & Emotional Health

Tonight I felt like giving up … just throwing in a towel and moving home with my parents and just hiding in their spare bedroom for a while. I don’t really want to get into why, but it has been a tough last two hours. Things will get better, and I know that, but right now I just want to sit in a hole and cry.

I remember a poem that my mom (who talked me through my tears tonight) used to have on a magnet on the fridge when I was growing up. I had to look it up to share it with you all.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Don’t Quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road your trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and its turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had they stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victors cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when your hardest hit,
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

This poem reminds me of standing in front of the fridge as a little kid and made me feel a bit better. I know I can’t just give up and that I must persevere through this muck. I must remember to keep my chin up, think about the positive things in my life (my loving parents, my friends, my fun co-workers/bosses, my education, the fact that I get to continue my education) instead. I will make it through this. I promise you and I promise myself.

Well, instead of getting a news day, you’re getting a “news-day” about me. I really feel like I haven’t addressed my own mental health in a while and I think it’s time again.

1. Today is day 3 off my Prozac. I moved on Saturday and haven’t found a new pharmacy to have my medication refilled. I am really surprised that I haven’t started having weird cut-off symptoms.

2. However, I am depressed. I feel a crying jag coming on and have been distracting myself with podcasts, happy music, and reading books. I am pulling away from people again and I see myself doing it.

3. My old psychiatrist (ScubaSteve) has called me twice in the past two weeks wanting to check in. I should call him back, but what am I going to tell him? I know I’ll just lie to him and tell him that I’m fine, I’ve got a great new job, live by myself now and am doing great, but I don’t even have the energy to lie over the telephone to anyone now.

4. I had a dating revelation the other night and it has been sitting weird in my stomach (not my brain or my heart, mind you) since then. I actually made myself sick to my stomach (and threw up) over-thinking things. I don’t really know what to do about this and I don’t even know that I really care.

5. Sadly, I don’t care about a lot of things right now. I get up, I go to work (I actually DO enjoy my job, though) and then I either come home, go on a date or meet up with a friend. I don’t really care though. I could do anything at this point and not really care. This apathy, it doesn’t bother me. I am apathetic about my apathy.

6. Not only am I becoming strangely apathetic about things, I am also overly-anxious about things as well. You would think that this wouldn’t match up well, but I can not care about some things (hanging all those pictures stacked against the wall over there), and still be overly-anxious about other things (running at 110% while at work to impress my bosses). I wish I could be overly-anxious about my apathy.

7. I am enjoying living alone … because no one can make me feel guilty for watching shit TV, for dancing along with So You Think You Can Dance or for wandering the house naked; but I miss having someone to talk to. Music (or a podcast) has been playing essentially since I moved into my new place.

8. I have to actually convince myself to go out and do things lately … I am going to see MrsTee this weekend for her wedding reception & house-warming party. I am going. I am not letting myself not go. But I know that an hour before I’m supposed to leave I am going to think up any and every excuse in the book to talk myself out of going. I hate that about my depression.

9. My dating revelation makes me want to give up on dating. This attitude is spreading from just dating to everything else already … it’s been THREE DAYS. This makes me want to shout the eff-word as loud as I can over and over again.

10. My mask is back on. I am pretending, for those who are around me and don’t know me well, that everything is hunky-dory and I’m doing great. I’ve learned to do this so well I am believing in my own lie and ignoring the signs that there is a problem. I know what I need to do to fix this, but time and time again, in my head, I am saying; “I don’t know what to do.”

So yeah, I’m not doing so well, but everything’s fine.

mental and emotional health, personal, apathy, dating, depression, anxiety, medication compliance, lies

I read a nice article earlier today on 10 Golden Rules for Praising Children and thought that I would share it. You can absolutely apply these to your own life with both children AND adults!

Praise and encouragement is as important to children as three square meals a day. Feeling loved and appreciated feeds their confidence, while friendly, loving advice helps them grow up strong, happy and secure. But childcare experts believe that not all praise works to boost children’s confidence. In fact, it could do the exact opposite, says parenting writer Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer, author of ‘Raising and Praising Boys’ and ‘Raising and Praising Girls’ (Vermilion, £6.99).

Here’s her advice for accentuating the positive:

1. Avoid the adoration trap. Resist the temptation to gush and put children on a pedestal. Boys, in particular, hate it. Praise what they’ve done, not who they are: kids won’t build up strength and inner reserves if they feel they have to ‘earn’ your love all the time. Ways to say it: ‘That was a terrific goal you managed to score against a tough opposition. You pulled out all the stops for that one…’ works better than ‘You are terrific on the football pitch. I love you so much.’ I’m a bit confused by the “football pitch” line; do you really pitch in football?

2. Let your children know you enjoy their company. Teens particularly get a huge boost from knowing that you like spending time with them and admire their values. Ways to say it: ‘We had fun watching Strictly Come Dancing together tonight. It makes me laugh when you shout out the scores before the judges.’

3. Add details to develop confidence. Think of simple ways to describe the wonderful, small things your child does every day: it will build up their self-belief from the inside out. Ways to say it: ‘I love the way your nose wrinkles up when you smile.’

4. Focus on the pleasure they get from achievements, so they learn to do things for the feel-good factor it gives them. Sometimes taking the ‘I’ out of praise, takes the pressure off your kids to do things to please you. Ways to say it: ‘Wow, you must have been really pleased with your performance tonight up there on stage.’ Works better than, ‘I’m so proud of the way you got up there on stage tonight.’

5. Give girls a boost to their self-belief. They’re more likely than boys to doubt themselves, so encourage them to praise their own achievements. Ways to say it: ‘I know your coach was pleased, but how do you think you did at football today?’ ‘How did you think your project went at school?’

6. Offer boys praise little and often. Boys don’t always have the same staying power as girls, and tend to work best in short bursts. Small nuggets of praise keep them going. Ways to say it: ‘Nice work.’ ‘Keep going… you’re doing well.’ ‘Well tried.’ ‘You’re working hard today.’

7. Don’t wait for perfection. Boys, in particular, like to hold something of themselves back. Make sure they know you are confident in their ability to learn, and they’ll have confidence in themselves. Ways to say it: ‘You’ll soon get the hang of this.’ ‘You’ll realise when the time is right for you.’ ‘I have every faith in you.’

8. Clear the air of competition. Let your kids know you’re impressed. Let them take all the credit, too. It’s may be tempting to remind them that without your help they wouldn’t even have made it to the pool, let alone won a swimming race, but don’t! Ways to say it: ‘I could never have done that sum when I was eight.’ ‘I wish I had the confidence to swim like you do.’ ‘You can run much faster than a few months ago… I’m impressed!’

9. Be specific… it helps children, particularly boys, to accept praise if you describe in detail what they’ve done right, so that they know what they need to do for next time. Ways to say it: ‘You sorted out your argument out with James today over which Playstation game to play. Then you were both able to get on with having a good time.’

10. Praise doesn’t have to be words. A smile, a ruffle of the hair, is often all they need. And ban being ‘good’. ‘Good’ is a shorthand word that doesn’t usually tell children enough. Ways to say it: ‘You’re my lovely girl.’ ‘You’re my fun boy.’ Works better than ‘Good girl/Good boy’ because it says your child is lovable and fun – an instant boost to self-esteem.

*I have moved since my last post on Friday and so if posting is sporadic, it’s because I don’t have Internet just yet at my new house! Please bear with me and I’ll update as soon as I can with what I can! (These are being pre-written while I still have internet!)

mental and emotional health, praising children, self-esteem, self-belief

I grew up in a pretty small town. There were 20,000 people and most of them were conservative, white, blue collar workers. In this town, you either were a nerd, a jock, or a stoner. (I got to be in the “nerd” category, and still don’t mind that!) There wasn’t much to do in this town (two bowling alleys and, after my Sophomore year of high school, a roller skating rink. I mostly hung out with my friends at their houses doing random things that were “nerdy.” I didn’t think much of it until I moved away to college.

In college, I joined (approximately) 39,999 other people in a larger town, with people of all different races, ethnicities, educational backgrounds, financial situations, sexualities, and whatnot. I was blown away by these new people, and made friends quickly and felt comfortable with everyone. During my junior year at school I took a women’s studies class (that I loved) about violence against women. My professor was from Minnesota and one day mentioned that this college wasn’t very diverse. It got me thinking; I came from a little town and this new town was diverse. Professor came from a huge town and this new town was not diverse. Interesting how that works out.

The whole point of this post was that I spent my weekend with a family who absolutely understands tolerance. Mr.Cee is gay. He came out of the closet in his early high school years (in the little town of 20,000) and then moved to an even smaller town. He made friends, his family continued to love him, and nothing was too shocking for them. Mr.Cee moved to New York City where, while doing IV drugs, he contracted HIV. His family, rather than shunning him, have rallied around him and continued to show their love & support towards him. Mr.Cee started a treatment for Hepatitis C a few weeks ago and his medication has made him pretty sick and makes him feel worn out as well. He came to town for a family party, and watching his family surround him with love, even though they haven’t seen him in years, was really cool.

I feel like I lost my train of thought a million times during this post. I may address this again when I have more thoughts actually put together. Enjoy your Tuesday!!

mental and emotional health, tolerance, HIV, AIDS, hepatitis C, family, Roseburg, Oregon State University

The Power of Positive Thinking

Well, I haven’t talked much about it lately, but I’ve been incredibly depressed lately. My joblessness, the stress of moving (and still not knowing exactly where to) and the anniversaries that are approaching have me quite at odds with my mental self. Yesterday, I was really down, and I told myself, before going to bed, that I was going to have a great day today, that something positive would occur and that whatever that positive thing may be, I was going to concentrate only on it.

Earlier today I received a phone call from a place I had previously interviewed with (RTG). They have three branches and I interviewed for a receptionist with the Pearl branch and didn’t get it because I was overqualified. They apparently passed my name on to their Lake Oswego branch and the LO branch wants to interview me tomorrow for a higher-up position. I spent abotu 10 minutes just THRILLED with this fact and then when I was bummed out early this afternoon, I thought about it again. It made me happy!

Then, another place (medical clinic) called me for another interivew later on tomorrow! I’m going to go to that, too, just to see how it goes. The fact that I have two interviews scheduled made me stressed, so I thought about the positive aspect of it, and then not ten minutes later I got an email from the ballroom dance telling me that they were hiring me. I have a job!!!! I am still going to my two interviews tomorrow, but I have a job! *doin’ the job dance*

I am going to be working Monday-Thursday from 7am-3pm and Friday’s from 7am-4pm (whoo hoo for a whole hour of OT!) as a studio coordinator. I am going to be doing dance lesson scheduling (ballroom, not ballet!), advertising stuff (read: creative projects!), taking funds, and helping keep the dance studio running. I am REALLY excited about the job and the fact that it’s a new position is great for me, since I already have ideas!

So yeah, if you had something positive happen today (did someone smile at you?) concentrate on it for a while. See what comes of it!

mental and emotional health, positive thinking, happiness, new jobs, ballroom dancing, job interviews, positivity

Today I turn 25. At 1:50pm, 25 years ago, my mom (naturally) gave birth to me. Kinda scary to think about. Anyway, happy birthday to me … I’m officially 1/2-way to fifty.

My parents drove up to take me to dinner (and give me boxes and tape and a present!) and mom asked me at one point if I felt old … and I don’t, but I feel weird. “I’m 25 and divorced.” Neither of my parents had much to say about that … I think it made them uncomfortable, but we moved on shortly thereafter. This morning I woke up early and spent a little while thinking about the things that I’ve done in the past 25 years that have made me incredibly proud; I don’t have much material on my mind for REAL mental and emotional health, but concentrating on my OWN mental and emotional health, I thought I’d list some of the things I’m more proud of from the past 25 years.

~I learned to read at an exceptionally early age. I was barely 4 when I read books aloud to strangers. My dad took me to jobsites with him and I impressed teachers by “reading” to them. They assumed that I was going to make up the stories and then I actually read the book to them. I read all the time still; I love to read.

~I wrote a story that was published when I was in 3rd grade. It was a HORRIBLE story about a horse who had trouble walking. I named the horse Sarah. Psychologically there is probably something strange about that. “Readers dream, dreamers write.” I both dream and write … this is a pretty cool thing to me.

~I joined the Talented and Gifted program in 4th grade. I was a smart kid. I still feel like a smart kid most days. (I stayed in TAG until they disbanded it in 8th grade.)

~I started my own business in the 6th grade, selling and teaching about owl pellets. My friend Brandi and I made good money doing this. We collected the owl pellets from her grandpa’s barn, sold them for a dollar a piece (school science catalogs sold them for $4 a piece) and our elementary school principal drove us to other schools to give presentations and teach younger kids about owls and mice. It’s gross, but we made money and teachers thought we were super-cool.

~In 8th grade, I was the top English student in my “neighborhood.” Our grade was split into two neighborhoods (I was in the gold one, and the other was the blue one) and I got to be the top English student. I got a pretty plaque and my parents were invited to a ceremony and I won an award and all that stuff. I still have the plaque and am STILL proud of this.

~In 10th grade I was accepted into the GAPP (German-American Partnership Program) by my high school German teacher. My family hosted an exchange student (Britta) and then six months later I spent 5 weeks in Germany. I loved this time and learned much about myself. I was 16 (my gosh, this doesn’t feel like it was a DECADE ago!) and had an amazing time!

~I graduated high school. I was in the top 10.15%. I was ONE person off of being in the top 10% of my graduating class and actually felt awful having to sit with the “regular” people. That sounds horribly pretentious, but all my friends were in the first row … and I was way back with the H’s. : ( I survived and I know that it was only a numbers game, but still. I graduated high school!

~I got accepted to the only college I applied to; Oregon State University. Looking back I feel DUMB for only applying to ONE school since I was such a good student in high school (and very, very active!). Who knows where I could have gone if I had decided to be brave and GO somewhere!

~In college I was continually on the Dean’s List and honor roll. I was invited to join honor societies (and I think I joined one … LOL … I can’t really remember) even though I barely passed Chemistry. I got one B in my major (German) in four years and am incredibly proud of such a high college major GPA.

~After my divorce, I have survived and THRIVED. I am a happy, strong, capable woman, and I have learned more about myself in the past 11 months than I had in the previous 11 years. I am incredibly proud of myself for these things.

So, yeah, I’ve done plenty of things to be proud of in the past 25 years. I have no regrets and wouldn’t change a thing … otherwise I wouldn’t be who I am. As a birthday present to me; leave me a comment and tell me why you’re proud of yourself!

mental and emotional health, birthdays, getting older, pride, reading, learning to read, writing, getting published, TAG, talented and gifted program, starting your own business, entrepeneur, owl pellets, dissection, English, awards, GAPP, German-American Partnership Program, Germany, exchange students, high school, graduation, top 10%, college acceptance, Oregon State University, Dean’s List, honor roll, German, divorce, thriving, regrets

I used to keep a list of affirmations near me at most times … they were especially helpful after harsh words. I was cleaning out my harddrive of my laptop yesterday afternoon and I found them. They currently read:

1. I am intelligent.
2. I am loved and loveable.
3. I am beautiful.
4. I am accomplished.

I was thinking that maybe, to help myself out of my funk from yesterday I would extrapolate on those four affirmations for me to look back on.

1. I am intelligent. I have always been a good student. I graduated high school in the top 15% of my class. I took multiple honors courses. I graduated from college with an above-average GPA and have a degree in a foreign language. I still know this foreign language! I read all the time just to educate myself. I have brains. I got into school again … I am a smart woman!

2. I am loved and loveable. Not only do I have a wide-circle of friends, I have an incredibly supportive set of parents. I have friends I could call at 2am and they would get up just to help me out. I could go to my parents with anything and they would still love me. My mom is the best cheerleader I’ve ever had and I know that she loves me. I have a huge extended family who love me as well.

3. I am beautiful. While I may not look like Natalie Portman or Julia Roberts, I have beautiful eyes. I receive compliments on them quite often. I also have incredibly straight teeth and take good care of them. I have an hour-glass figure that I am proud of, and since starting to run again, my legs are becoming more shapely. I clean up pretty well when I want to, and know which parts of me to accentuate.

4. I am accomplished. Along with being educated, I have a degree to prove that I have brains. I write for two paid blogging sites and have had a book “published” (in grade school) which proves that I can write. I got into multiple post-bacc programs for going back to school. I have worked successfully in a job for years and am being recruited by people I’m applying with now.

Do you keep any affirmations in your life? Would you like to have some affirmations? If you need help coming up with some, for now, I suggest checking out Daily Affirm.com. You can sign up to get daily affirmations emailed to you every day if you’d like!

mental and emotional health, affirmations, daily affirmations, Daily Affirm, pick-me-ups

I love words. I started using words very early (both in spoken and written language). I have always used words. I read books about words. I make up my own words. I have a degree in (foreign) words. I love words.

Words give language their power and its potential to hurt or heal us. Everyone can remember a time (sometimes even years ago) when someone said something to you that hurt or picked you up more than anything else. Words stick with us! I remember the first true compliment I ever got … it was from a teacher in grade school who told me that I had “the most beautiful single-dimple I’ve ever seen.� Thinking back on it, it might be creepy, but it’s stuck with me all my life. When I feel ugly, I can think about this teacher’s words and they help to heal my own personal hurt. The words my ex-husband used to tell me that he was leaving me “you’re not worth taking care of� will also stick with me forever. When people talk about taking care of one another, those words are immediately what come to mind. Words can hurt and words can heal. What we say has weight.

The more aware we are of the fact that words have weight, the more we can deepen our relationship to those words. We can use this relationship to create feeling and emotional meaning with those words. Words are no longer an abstract & disconnected grouping of letters mashed together; they are powerful transmitters of feeling. I have a suggestion for you to help you recognize this. For the next few days, notice how words are affecting your body & your mental & emotional health. Notice how you can have different types of communication styles with the people in your lie. Notice how your own words come out and how other people around you react to them.

When you speak quickly, do your words have less meaning behind them? Are they less powerful? If you take your time, think about what you want to say, and listen to ourselves before you speak, do your words have more meaning and are they more powerful? If we can carefully think about what we say, we may be able to “harness the power of speech.� Allow your words to be able couriers of both therapeutic strength and radiance. Allow them to routinely transmit deep and positive feelings towards both the sender and the receiver.

mental and emotional health, words, power, healing, hurting, strength

When you are through changing, you are through. ~Bruce Barton

For most people, change brings about a high level of stress, uncertainty and even turmoil. For me, change brings freshness, difference, and excitement; except when it comes to things that have always been one way changing. On Friday I drove into Corvallis, Oregon; my old college-days stomping grounds, and I was surprised to see the bridge on the way out of town covered in white plastic and black tubing and surrounded by construction equipment. I don’t rubber-neck at accidents (and get quite annoyed at those who do) but I rubber-necked at the bridge. What are they doing to my bridge? That’s the best way out of town! It’s off the main drag in town! What are they doing to it? I was seriously concerned at this change.

As I was early for meeting with my friends I drove over to Borders to do some reading and some reminiscing. The Corvallis Borders is perfect for reminiscing as I spent quite a bit of time during college here. I lived (literally) across the street and although I refused to look at it (maybe for fear that it had changed?) the four-plex I spent two years of my life living in, is visible. I think part of the reason I refused to look at it, (or drive by it, even though it’s faster & I miss traffic) is that I lived there while I was married. It was the first apartment the Ex and I lived in without other roommates. It was the apartment he proposed to me in. It was the first apartment we lived in while we were married. That four-plex holds so many memories for me, and since I’m actually in Corvallis to avoid some memories, I probably subconsciously refused to look at it.

Tomorrow is the Ex’s birthday. For the first time in ten years we are not spending it together. For the first time in a decade, I did not buy him a birthday card or a birthday present and I won’t make him a birthday dinner. I am happy to be divorced. I am happy to be single. I am happy that I’m on my own and am learning who I am, but it’s weird to have this sort of change in my life. I’m sure my birthday (in just a few weeks) will be even stranger for me. I will turn 25. I will be a quarter-of-a-century old. I will be celebrating my first single birthday since I turned 14. It’s weird. It’s absolutely strange to think about that, but also very empowering and evocative as well.

I am going to start my own tradition this year, I haven’t decided what that tradition will be, but I am going to set things up in my head to actually celebrate my birthday. I will spend the day doing what I want and even if I can’t spend money, spoiling myself. I am going to look at free things to do in the city and see if I can’t get some friends to go hang out with me (even though my birthday is on a Tuesday night!) to celebrate. Something good will be coming for me in my 25th year. I am anticipating the change and looking forward to the excitement and newness that I will experience.

What kind of tradition do you think I should start?

mental and emotional health, change, divorce, stress, birthday, traditions, newness

this post written on 4/23/07

* I was accepted to my first-choice school; Portland State University! I get to stay in Portland for at least two more years. I am hoping to travel abroad during my second year for a while … hopefully in Kefalonia, Greece or somewhere else super-cool! Anywhere overseas would actually be super-cool to me since I wouldn’t be there for too long, but I’m hoping a community planning program and Kefalonia has one.

* I, like my friend The Master of Irony, have been very compliant in my medications lately. I missed ONE day (yesterday) becuase I woke up late (noon) and had to be at The Oregon Museum of Science & Industry at 1pm. I didn’t realize that I had forgotten until I was halfway to OMSI so I skipped it yesterday. I took my 20mg right on time this morning and am back on track.

* I am now employed. The nannying family; the McCoys and I hung out yesterday (why I had to be at OMSI at 1pm) and I had a wonderful time. I chased (sometimes literally) Mr.T (who does not have a mohawk or wear gold chains) around the Science Playground and wore MrArrr on my hip in a beautiful Maya Wrap sling. It was incredibly comfortable and I was able to chase a three-year-old while I had a one-year-old strapped to me. Great exercise AND fun! I start with the McCoys on Wednesday morning and am looking forward to the adventures that will happen this summer.

* I have been interviewing with other places for part-time work on top of nannying, since I will have the time (and hopefully the energy?) to work somewhere else. (Adult conversation!) I have had a great experience with the women at Realty Trust Group here in town and go in for my second interview on Tuesday at 2pm. I am really excited to see what they have going on … even if they may not be able to officially hire me until June 1st, I’ll be able to manage things until then.

* This afternoon and evening I am going to spend some quality time with my friend MissBee and we are going to take a butt-load of photographs with our cameras (Mine is pretty! and MissBee’s is super-cool-looking!) I am looking forward to getting out and playing with the new camera. I am even going to drag out the tripod and fill up an entire memory card with shots. This will lead to a half million pictures (okay, well only 500 maybe) so hopefully SOMETHING good comes out of that! If anything superb comes out, I’ll share with ya’ll.

* See! Things work when I take my meds! : )

As I was starting this post, I made it three things into my list and then accidentally lost the post. Instead of getting really frustrated, I used my own aforementioned stress techniques and moved on. I couldn’t control (or save) what I had previously lost, so I am continuing.

For the past two days you’ve been reading about life-changing activities you can do to lessen the stress in your life, but have any of you been wondering about little day-to-day things that you can do to help yourself out? Well, that’s what today’s “Stressball, III” post is dedicated to. Pick one thing a week and slowly start adding it to your life in order to reduce your stress!

*Add something beautiful to your life on a daily basis (e.g., flowers). I like to get flowers. I love having flowers around, and am thankful that my roommate is willing to replant weeds & flowers outside to cheer us both us. If I’m really craving fresh flowers, I will just buy them myself to cheer me up! : ) Looking at flowers reminds me that there is always something good in life!

*Do some enjoyable activities whenever possible. What do you like to do? Read? Check out a new book! Enjoy cooking for friends and family? Try out a new recipe! Do you scrapbook? Take pictures? Run? Watch TV? Do something that you enjoy doing; that is definitely going to help you out!

*Walk, work, and eat at a relaxed pace. If you can help it, remember that slow & steady does really win the race. Take your time and keep yourself calm, even under pressure!

*Take a short break after meals to relax. If you like to, get out and go for a short walk after dinner. Sip on a cup of (decaf) coffee. Read the newspaper. Enjoy your meal and then relax afterward to let it settle.

*If possible, go outside at least once per day and notice the simple things such as the weather, scenery, etc. This goes along with taking your walk! You can go for a 10-minute walk during your morning or afternoon break or even take a walk during lunch-time. Get your blood flowing and count this as part of your daily exercise requirement!

*During the day, whenever you remember, notice and tension in your body (jaw, neck, diaphram, shoulders, etc.). Breathe deeply and gently stretch and relax any tense areas. Need some stretches? Print this out and tape it up near your desk. During your breaks, use this to stretch yourself out and breathe deeply while doing so!

*Avoid holding in feelings day after day, but instead, find a safe place to feel, express and embrace them. < a href="http://www.451press.com/more-bloggers-wanted/">Start a journal! Write to get your feelings out, embrace them, and deal with them as they come. Don’t just sit on your feelings and let them eat away at you. This is one of the best stress-relievers I’ve ever encountered and probably why I enjoy writing so very much!

mental and emotional health, stress, stress relief, stress relievers, reducing stress, 1-800-flowers, fresh flowers, books, cooking, recipies, photography, taking pictures, watching TV, Aesop’s fables, meals, relaxing, walking, decaf coffee, newspaper, The Oregonian, outdoor activity, exercising, body tension, stretching, desk stretches, journaling, writing, 451press

This weekend I had the opportunity to learn something very important about myself. Sometimes I still feel like I’m the uncool kid at a high school get-together. On Friday night I went out with some friends who alienated me and made me feel like the odd one out. I ended up leaving the table they were at and sat at the bar talking with the bartender (who was actually a friend of mine) until almost 1am. It was petty, ridiculous, and now it’s water under the bridge, but my feelings were still hurt. I came home, climbed into bed and started a movie to take my mind off of things. It worked, but I’m still peeved at how I was treated. I felt like I was in 8th grade all over again and being shunned by the popular kids. As a 25-year-old woman who struggled with her self-esteem all though junior high & high school, feeling this again really hurt. After the week that I had, I’m sure that this didn’t help, so I stayed away from everyone yesterday. Mostly I stayed in bed watching movies and really spent some time thinking about how I handled the situation. I didn’t handle it well and need to rethink how I feel about “popularity.”

One of my friends sent me a kind note to apologize “ditching” me on Friday night and let me know that she wants to see me on Sunday night, which made me feel better - I think she understood how things made me feel. I’m sure that part of it was my fault because of my reaction to their strangeness, but I had to react to something that they were projecting and had to protect myself. Overall, it must turn into water under the bridge so that relationships aren’t ruined. Back to putting band-aids on wounds to help them heal.

mental and emotional health, personal issues, friends, being ditched, weekend, self-esteem, being hurt, movies

Lately I’ve been feeling quite emotionally insecure. I don’t know how I feel … I don’t know how I really want to feel … I don’t know if I’m supposed to be feeling something in particular … or what. I am confused. There is basically one feeling lately that I’ve been craving - emotional security. I had (what I thought) an intense sense of emotional security while I was married but after being divorced I’ve realized that my security was false. I was secure in what we had, but it wasn’t the security I really desired.

I want to feel “safe,” where ever I am; work, home, school, in my car, in a bar, where ever! I want to be accepted without judgment and criticism, communicate honestly, be my absolute true self, and feel safe all while doing it. I am going to refuse to trade any comforts for emotional safety anymore though … I did it once before and won’t be doing it again.

I feel safe when I’m around people who are emotionally available, honest, trustworthy and authentic … if they are their real self around me with confidence, I feel safe being who I am around them. I want to be around people who know and like who they are - that makes me feel safe. I want to be friends with people who have emotional integrity … they make me feel safe.

I feel safe being in friendships that I believe are going somewhere … something that will “work out” or be solid. I want to develop friendships that are strong and always growing. I want to be able to spend “dumb time” with people … helping them clean up their house, grocery shopping with them (even though I actually hate grocery shopping!), and I want to “waste” time with my friends. I don’t want to commit to anyone (friend or date) that I fear won’t “work out.” I must have an emotionally connected/matched friend. I don’t want to fear being alone, but I don’t want to be around people who are going to eventually move on without me.

Within the dating realm, I worry about this situation. If I don’t make a real effort to bring a guy close to me, I could end up fearful of or uncomfortable with being alone (which is something that I’m working towards getting over). If I work to keep a guy close, am I acting out of fear of losing him and being controlling? It’s a rock & a hard place!

In my mind, love is only achieved and thrives when there is no fear in a relationship.

emotional security, love, fear, relationships, friends, safety, personal, mental and emotional health

Do you have unpleasant, disturbing emotional and physical symptoms before your monthly menstrual periods? Do these symptoms disrupt your life and interfere with your usual activities and your relationships with others? Do the symptoms go away when your flow begins or shortly thereafter, only to return before your next period? If this description sounds like you, you may have a condition known as premenstrual dysphoric disorder or PMDD.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder or PMDD is a condition associated with severe emotional and physical problems that are linked closely to the menstrual cycle. Symptoms occur regularly in the second half of the cycle and end when menstruation begins or shortly thereafter. PMDD is not just a new name for premenstrual syndrome (PMS), a condition that affects as many as 75% of menstruating women. It is, however, considered to be a very severe form of PMS that affects about 5% of menstruating women. Both PMDD and PMS share symptoms in common that include depression, anxiety, tension, irritability and moodiness. What sets PMDD apart is its severity. Women with PMDD find that it has a very disruptive effect on their lives. Please read on to get more information about PMDD — what it is, how it is diagnosed and how it is treated.

PMDD symptoms begin sometime after the middle of a monthly cycle (after ovulation), usually get worse during the week before menses, and then usually disappear within a few days of the start of menses. The symptoms follow this pattern every month or almost every month.

Here are the symptoms that make up the diagnosis of PMDD. All of the symptoms do not need to be present, and they may vary from month to month. At least 5 are required to make the diagnosis, including at least one of the first four.*

1. Very depressed mood, feeling hopeless
2. Marked anxiety, tension, edginess
3. Sudden mood shifts (crying easily, extreme sensitivity)
4. Persistent, marked irritability, anger, increased conflicts
5. Loss of interest in usual activities (work, school, socializing, etc.)
6. Difficulty concentrating and staying focused
7. Fatigue, tiredness, loss of energy
8. Marked appetite change, overeating, food cravings
9. Insomnia (difficulty sleeping) or sleeping too much
10. Feeling out of control or overwhelmed
11. Physical symptoms such as weight gain, bloating, breast tenderness or swelling, headache, and muscle or joint aches and pains

premenstrual dysphoric disorder, premenstrual syndrome, PMS, PMDD, menses, depression, mood swing, hopelessness, anxiety, anger, loss of interest, difficulty concentrating, fatigue, appetite change, insomnia, weight gain, bloating, breast tenderness, headache, pain, mental and emotional health

So I’ve had a pretty good week … I missed work on Monday but have been on top of things the rest of the week … but today I am feeling weird. I went to bed right after Grey’s Anatomy last night (after crying, like I do every other week I watch the damned show!) but didn’t sleep well. I fell asleep eventually but was wide awake at 1am, hungry! So I ate some graham crackers and had a fitful morning’s sleep until 6:45am. Normally I’m up at 5am taking my time to get ready and do some thinking before I get going. This morning I wasn’t able to do that … so it probably threw me completely, even though I didn’t dwell on it.

I have a bit of a headache from not sleeping well, am having a hard day at work, and just feel low about it all. I just go back from sitting outside in the sunshine during my morning break and doing some writing, and still am not feeling quite myself from it all.

My job is getting me down. I am just spent at it. I am in a cycle of anxiety creating mistakes creating anxiety and so on & so on. It’s incredibly frustrating because I don’t like it (duh) and it’s creating tension for me at my job. I am concerned with finding a new job because I may only be working for six more months (if I get into school) but if I don’t get into school, I won’t be able to handle this job for much longer at this rate. I’ve never been in a position at work that made me feel like this, so I’m really down, and being hard on myself, about it. Any suggestions? I am thinking that even something as simple as changing to move to a different section in my office would help me, but we don’t have any openings right now. I am honestly afraid of getting fired because of how it would look within the hospital system … so I am torn. Argh!

My break is over, and since I’m really really trying to watch my P’s & Q’s, I must get going … but any input, from anyone … would be very helpful … even to just let me know you were reading and felt bad … or that you hated my boss.