Mental & Emotional Health

The experts say that children handle being away from their parents better than the parents handle it.  I left home today and received a message that I needed to return and wait on my mail before I left for Atlanta.  So, I went back and sat at the end of my driveway. 

My phone rings.  It’s one of the boys and he wants to know if was at the airport yet.  I told him no that I was sitting in the front yard.  I looked back and both were waving their little hands off.

This morning when my mom arrived this morning, Walker told her that today (Monday) was the day I was leaving.  She asked him if he was going to miss me and he hesitated and then said “…..eh…no not really”.  Boost that self-confidence right on up there.

I really am terrified this trip for some reason.  For one think I am going to be gone for a full week.  Secondly, so many disasters these days that I am having anxiety over leaving my kids.  I know how hard it was for me to lose my father at 19, I can’t imagine how what my kids would go through if something happened to me and I know it is silly but it’s the truth. 

I am so very nervous this time…I have to get over this and quickly.

I am a really talkative person.  And, in my comfort zone, I can really crank it up and have a lot of fun.  And, when I arrive at parties, that’s my intention….live it up and have a blast.  And, then this crazy-talk-too-loud-and-too-much lady just gets all crazy.  So, I have good intentions…..I’ve left home already and I am more than just remotely anxious about all the events. 

First of all, my flight leaves at 8 or so which means I have to leave the hotel at the butt crack of dawn and then all the airport stuff which with the brace on my foot takes a little long than it does in normal situations.  And, if you know anything about Atlanta’s airport, you know that just moving around there in and of itself is a big deal.

Then, the bribing of flight attendants and pilots so I can get on that early flight since I am flying stpandby.  The cramped up space of plains is really hard on big people like me so that’s more anxiety.

Then the transportation to hotel from the airport.  From there the weekend just gets crazy and I am terrified of feeling left out and without anyone to hang out with.  I know that’s sad and I have roommate who I know will not let me be alone but I am still a bit anxious.  Add in that Tanis said I could be her tag-a-long if I wanted and hopefully it works out without me having a nervous breakdown.

My husband has ADD.  He takes medication for it and I’m telling you, he is more difficult to deal with than our 6 year old who has ADD and is not medicated.  I ask him for a project and what I get is…the waiting game.  He swear he is working but mostly he is watching TV and not doing a darn thing.

I’ve bit off more than I can chew, there I said it.  And, I am suffering severe anxiety over it and because it is self-induced anxiety, I just don’t feel comfortable taking medication for it.  I mean, if I have anxiety over my family’s health or financial situation, that’s one thing, I have very little control over those things. 

But,, when it is clearly my own fault that I am nervous and my husband says he is helping but instead he is peering over the top of his laptop at the television?  I get nuts.  The man has not completed one project today.  Not one….I only asked for 2 or 3 and he did bits and pieces of each but did not finish any of them

What is up with that?  Do all men act like this or just the ones with ADD?

I swear this is what his brain see’s when he is suppose to be helping me…..

The poison within us…not our family members but us.  The plain and simple thing called a conscious.  Or the self-conscious if you will.  I’ve avoided many circumstances and situations all in the name of being embarrassed.  I stepped out on a limb a couple of times but it’s rare.  And, the few times I’ve given my esteem a boost and done it, I feel like I was knocked on my butt.

I don’t do real well with rejection, I mean who does.  I don’t do well with not being successful.  I am not talking about being a billionaire here.  I’m talking about simply thinking I could change the life of a career criminal.  A drug user, one that will always be a drug user and will most likely live out his days in prison.  And, he is not even 50.  As a matter of fact, he has spent all but about 4 years in prison since he was 18.  I guess he is…45 now…give or take. 

I wanted to change him.  I wanted to make people smarter by helping them and doing things for them, showing them the way.  I wanted to teach and I was not good at it (not on the level of small children anyway).  So, by writing these blogs, I’m definitely out of my comfort zone and I’m trying to prove myself.

And therein lies the big deal.  Prove myself to whom?  Myself?  How silly.  Or is it?  What about you?  How do you fare when you step out on a limb?  Tell me, I need the encouragement right now.

Yesterday I mentioned exercising my brain and how those years of depression I merely went through the motions.  I didn’t make any attempt to make things happen on my own, I simply let life run right over me.  I took it back though, my life that is.

I made a decision to take back my life, remember to exercise my brain by making some family decisions without consulting 2 or 3 people for advice and I’m feeling much more self-confident. 

I will tell you that traveling has beefed up my self-confidence level alot.  I mean, I’m a socialize, that’s never been a question.  But, normally when we do anything as a family, Wayne doesn’t allow me to do any lifting or carrying.  He just wants me to get the kids situation and he does the loading and unloading.  Sounds awesome eh?

It is until you travel alone.  You have to remember to get the room key to go find an ice machine and stuff like that.  He’s always been the one to handle soda runs or ice machine runs.  So, my first trip traveling alone I go and break a bone in my ankle.  Yep, and if you think that helped me at all, you are wrong.

But, by the next conference rolled around 2 weeks later and then again 2 weeks after that, I was feeling that goodness inside me that let me know I can ask people questions when I don’t know they way, I can ask me what I need to do if I feel something isn’t working out – just a few year ago, I’d have insisted Wayne handle it all. 

So, I’m growing……

I grew up crying.  My feelings were easily hurt and I cried at the drop of the hat.  Looking back, I wonder why my parents didn’t seek help for me even then.  Because, as I look at my own son, and see how easily he cries, I know it’s going to be hard for him to manage his feelings normally.  I don’t want my son medicated, that’s not what I’m getting at, but I do hope he finds it easier to hold in his feelings and not cry at the drop of a hat like I did growing up.

Anxiety disorders are common and twice as many people experience anxiety disorders as depression or similar disorders.  The most common type is phobias.  Many people suffer from a phobia of some sort and for me, it’s not real clear that I have a phobia but I definitely like to count things.  My husband though, he is definitely afraid of spiders and it borders on being a phobia for him.  I don’t mind the occasional spider or bug, just smoosh them and go on. 

The fact is though that most phobic’s will never seek treatment and may simply learn to avoid the situation that bothers them.  And, people who do seek therapy usually do so because their phobia is creating a problem in their life, disrupting their general lifestyle. 

So, do you have a phobia?  A fear?  Tell me about it?

For those of you out there who rarely step foot in a doctors office, this post is not for you.  I mean, really, even if you only go for the yearly check up and a flu shot, this post is not for you.  So, who is it for? 

This post is for those of us who suffer from all kinds of quirky little things like thyroid disease, diabetes, mental illness…you know, all those simple things that doctors know exactly how to treat.  Bah…they know nothing if you ask me.

I’m a firm believer in the fact that the patient’s symptoms should diagnose a problem and then blood work can help detail the medication, if any, is needed.  I’m having a hard time convincing most of my thyroid doctors of this though as for some reason, they all seem to think that the fact that I am .2 inside the normal range, but even on the low end, I should be fine. 

“No reason to increase your medication, your levels are fine.”  I hear it over and over yet I still have 90% of the symptoms of thyroid disorder.  And please, don’t get me started on the family history.  Father, grandmother, aunt, cousin and that’s just to name a few who have suffered from thyroid issues. 

As for the relationship between the thyroid and anxiety and depression, I suggest you consult this site, good stuff right here, good stuff.

My appointment with the “padded cell” doctor is on today.  And, in reality, it’s a good thing because as of late, I have the patience that certainly belong to someone besides Job and I am just as cantankerous as I can be.  No one is on my side it seems.  It’s just me against the world.

I have this ridiculous earache and I’m not sure if it is TMJ induced or a true ear infection.  I have a mouthpiece to help with the TMJ and since I got it in early December, I have had a day or two that I had ear pain from the TMJ.  But, this pain, it has managed to linger for 2 weeks.  Does that surprise anyone?  Stress…the stress I have induced upon myself.

You see, I certainly believe that we create many of our own problems.  And, for me, that’s simply what’s happening right now, I just keep adding events, doctor’s appointments, athletic practices and conferences to my schedule and the reality is, I’m blown away by all of it.

Someone who suffers from Chronic Fatigue and/or Fibromyalgia is probably the only people who are going to understand what this is all about.  There’s also that silly little thyroid disorder that has me ready to jump ship.  Throw in a side of diabetes and do you wonder why I need a doctor to keep me out of a padded cell?

Ok, I know that sounds like a silly question, but the fact of the matter is, people who suffer from mental illness in all shapes and forms are still carry around this big bucket of stigma on their shoulders..or around their waste, or on their butt for that matter.  Regardless, it has to stop.  It has to stop now too.

So, with that, I’m going to lead you in the direction of an article on Medical News Today which has an article entitled, “On 100th Anniversary, Mental Health America Declares “It’s Time for Mental Health”.

I think the reality of it is I don’t actually do as much here on this site in the area of Mental Health as I should.  I focus quite a bit on emotional health.  So, taking a look at mental health is a good idea for a a point of focus for a little while. 

Mental Health America started as the negative impact of war started to appear with families of soldiers returning from war and how those men and women were living with trauma.  I’m married to a war vet, I don’t care what anyone tells you, the trauma is there.  It is real.  I wasn’t married to him then so I personally don’t feel the personal pain, but I know he does.  He doesn’t talk about it much, but when he does, it’s painfully obvious that he was traumatized.

If you want to read the article or if you just want to check out Mental Health America’s site, feel free to do so, then I’d love to hear your personal stories and comments.

I saw my good doctor this past week and he basically asks, “How is your mood?”  I answer, “bout like always” and he says, “see you in a month”.  Yea, I know…crazy.  I didn’t even need scripts this time so I’m not sure why in the heck I even went..but I did because he told me to come back….

In the meantime, I’ve been checking out some good reads…no really, I actually got to meet Jen Lancaster in person and the proof is below…so don’t go calling me on it…that’s her…and me…and I swear, just reading her books may cause me to laugh off at least 10 pounds….and that’s 10 pounds a book…..she is a riot! 

And, it helps my mood…so much for prozac, right?

And, not only was she a panelist, she gave the keynote speech and it was so great. So, what you need to do is keep up as I read each of her books…because I bought all three and she autographed them for me. She then spent time with me later that evening when she declared that my life was “a country and western song just waiting to break out”……… Her books are

Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist’s Quest To Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass LookBig, Or Why Pie is Not The Answer ,

Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl’s Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me? and

Bitter is the New Black : Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass,Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office

and I have them ready to read, right now. And, as I finished them, I’m going to kindly going to give one away. Not mine of course because she autographed mine, to me, but…I’ll get you one…….but you have to keep up and know when I have finished reading them. So, don’t forget.

Let me tell you about someone who can help you with your thoughts and make you laugh at the same time.  Her name is Jen Lancaster and she is the author of three books thus far and one on the way.  I heard her speak ad lib on Saturday and then I heard her give a prepared speech.  And, what I learned is, the woman knows what she knows and she knows how to make you understand that where you’ve been is what makes you who you are. 

You know, when you hear someone speak (Hi, Jen Lancaster) on a panel or even on television, it is easy to fall deeply in love with them even if you have no clue who they are. But, when that person is someone you can approach and they greet you with, "Just keep talking" because they love your redneck southern accent, it is another story entirely. As I asked Jen to sign all 3 of her books that I had just bought, yes I bought all 3 of them, she was adorable. Later when I ran into her, again, she stood and talked or listened (as it is with most folks I know) to me for a good part of 40 minutes. When my camera arrived via my delivery man husband, I asked her for a photo while she was in the midst of making a plate of food. Some people really are just rude enough to ask for anything (oops!). She didn’t hesitate…not one second. Her books, in case you aren’t familiar and holy cow, how could you not be familiar…..are..Such a Pretty Fat One, Bright Lights, Big Ass and Bitter is the New Black. I thought about photo shopping this picture, but then, you know what, I don’t think Jen minded that I was an over-weight person lest she wouldn’t have written Bright Lights, Big Ass, right? Here I give you, me and my new hero!

You go girl!

I’ve already mentioned Prozac and Wellbutrin and now I’m going to hit you with another drug.  I don’t take Cymbalta anymore.  I did for a while and the more I read about it and consider my symptoms, I think switching was not a really good idea.  But, it’s done and it was a difficult switch.  I’m not up for switching again.

My reasoning is simple.  It’s a pretty well known fact but rarely documented one that I have fibromyalgia.  If you read my personal blog, you know more about this and if you know anything about fibromyalgia, you know that some doctors recognize it and try to help with the symptoms while others sit back and call us depressed and crazy.  I’m not too fond of being told that something is all in my head when I’m bent in half and having a difficult time walking. 

And, since I changed from Cymbalta to another drug, I’ve had more days like that.  I have more pelvic pain, more pain in my legs and I have a lot more headaches.  If you aren’t familiar with the symptoms, give this site a read, you’ll know so much more and be so much more empowered if it is you that’s suffering.

My last post was about Prozac.  Prozac is an SSI or a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor while Wellbutrin works a little differently. Wellbutrin is used for depression just like Prozac but Wellbutrin has a different method.  Wellbutrin works to combat the chemical imbalances in the brain called neurotransmitters.  The two in particular are dopamine and norepinephrine. 

I happen to take a nice little “cocktail” of Prozac and Wellbutrin not going over the recommended dose of either but allowing the two drugs to work together in their own separate ways to help  make my life easier. 

Saturday was my second day with Prozac and only because I was too lazy to make the trip into town to retrieve the prescription and I was miserable.  I was not only miserable, I was making everyone around me miserable.  And, that’s what depression does.  I am not a fun, happy, loving person, mother, wife daughter, etc when I am not in possession of the proper treatment.  And my bests are, neither are you.

I know that I’ve been quite pathetic about writing on this blog.  But, I have a new found energy and I’m ready to get back to blogging regularly.  I’m going to my first ever bloggy conference in February and I got involved in some volunteer activities with that as well as found a roommate.  A roommate that  know very little about except that from reading her blog, I’m fairly certain she is not an ax murderer.

There have been quite a few changes around here on 451Press and I’m going to give you a few of them.  If you are all wondering how in the heck this relates to the topic of this blog, think stress.  Think stress relief.  Think stress inducer. 

I knew that I was not dedicating enough time to this blog nor was I dedicating enough time to Marital Talk and to top it off, some blogs that I was interested in came available so I was stoked.  I put in my application and got the ball rolling.  So, yea, stress, can you say S-T-R-E-S-S?

That leads me to telling you about a couple of odds and ends, one of them related to creating stress and one related to ridding of stress.  I think we should do the creating one first, then we can end on a happy note of being stress free.

As I mentioned, I turned over Marital Talk and a sweet girl who had been guest posting for me is going to be writing that blog now.  She is engaged, planning a wedding and I expect much passion from her on that site.  You should too.  But, I couldn’t just give up a blog now could I?  So, I added 2 blogs to my repertoire of blogs.  I have added Parenting Sites 411 and Media Critiques.  I’m preparing to write my introductory posts on those sites and get the ball rolling over there.  In the meantime, I have constructed a newspaper/magazine like site where you can go and get the link to all my blogs as well as any other online sites where I have been discussed, quoted, defamed.  That blog is simple to remember, Jerri Ann Reason.  It is still a work in progress so don’t get upset if you get there and the sidebar is like….at the bottom of the page. 

My other personal blog is Mom~E~Centric.  This one I’ve had for close to a year and it is working for me.  I enjoy divulging my inner thoughts and personal stuff there and it just works.  Then, there’s my other blogs here on 451 Press, TV Boyfriends and this one Mental and Emotional Health.

Toss in my local blog for our school system which desperately needs some attention because it is failing terribly, Education Uncensored, and my blog that will eventually contain posts that will be compiled into a book, The Reason for the Madness. 

I have a blog dedicated strictly to Wentworth Miller who I think is an awesome actor and terribly good looking and finally, I have 2 blogs which I use for making money by writing about celebrities and writing advertisements.  Those are Life in Reality and A Crack ‘n Life.

So, there you go, there you have “How to stress yourself out in one whop against the head”

Do you believe that after writing all that, getting all worked up over it, now I can’t remember the stress reliever?  What?  Work with me here.

I paused a minute to re-read what I had already written and now I remember…I’m going to my first bloggy conference next month to rest, relax, meet my cyber buddies and network, network, network.  I can’t wait.  Anyone here going to Blissdom ‘09 in Nashville?  It is going to be invigorating!  I can’t wait! 

So, there you go, anyone wanna walk a mile in my shoes…or just spend a day in the life of my fingertips as they peck this keyboard blind?  I am so excited about Blissdom that it is hard to focus.  But, I will.  And, you will know about it…

Coming up next…the drug Seroquel…

I gave you a set of questions that I presented to you from a Life Coach in the form of a challenge.  I’m curious how many of you answered the questions and how many of you are willing to answer AFTER you read my questions.  So, here’s the challenges:

1.    Do you go to sleep at night feeling rewarded by what you did that day?
2.    Do you look forward to getting up in the morning?
3.    Are you in control of your stress and anxiety at work? At home?
4.    Are you proud of what you do for a living?
5.    Are you happy with the amount of time you set aside to do the things you love?
6.    Are you spending enough quality time with loved ones?
7.    Are you proud of how you take care of yourself both physically and mentally?

And, so, I read Mom to the Masses’s answers before I answered mine.  I mean, you  know, who needs the extra anxiety of being honest on the world wide web and then have some cyber bully come along and make you a nervous wreck.  So, I read her answers and I feel like she was honest.  And, no one has blasted her but, then again, none of her answers were in need of blasting.  I’m not sure how folks will react to mine, but here goes…

I go to bed at night feeling like I did all I could do most days.  I don’t know if I would say rewarded, but definitely I do accomplish most of what I need to.  I have to add that the weekends are an exception because my husband is way too good to me and I sleep too much on the weekends.

I am not going to say I don’t look forward to waking up but I am definitely not a morning person so I would prefer to wake up a little later in the day but I don’t have feelings of just not wanting to wake up at all.

I am no where near in control of my stress but I am way more in control than I have ever been.  For one reason, I gave up on the idea of the clean, neat and organized home when there are 2 small children around.  One goes to school and when he comes home in the afternoons, it’s like a doggone storm has hit the place.  Even if I make the 4 year old clean up all of his crap from the day, the 6 year old seems to be a tornado in action.

I am almost-proud.  My 6 year old has a problem when he learns new words.  He wants to use them even when the timing isn’t right.  For instance, he says, barely instead of almost.  He would say something like "Are we barely there?" and it drives my husband crazy.  So, I’m going to say, "I’m barely proud".

Absolutely not but I do the things I like as often as we can afford to.  We aren’t poor, we just can’t afford to travel like I wish we could and other than having my life as it is right now, traveling is the one thing I’d like to do more of.  And, I’m not asking to travel even to Paris or something, a monthly trip to the beach would suit me just fine if we could afford it.

I spend all of my time with my family.  Is it quality time?  Eh, it’s hard to say.  I spend a lot of time on the computer.   I mean, I spend a LOT of time on the computer.  I’m struggling right now with how to get off of here some during the day when it is just me and the 4 year old so that he has my undivided attention as well as doing the same thing when my husband comes home so that I can either spend extra time with my 6 year old or the four of us can spend time together. 

I have nothing to say about the last one except ABSOLUTELY NOT!