Mental & Emotional Health

On Sunday, I had the opportunity to volunteer with Special Olympics of Oregon for their Regional Swim Meet, and it was not only a fun experience, it made me more aware that even in my darkest times, I’ve got life pretty easy. There were two swimmers who really touched me on Sunday, and I’ve been thinking about them quite a bit since then.

Special Olympics athletes are a wide array of sportsmen & women: I helped swimmers
* of all ages (4 to 71!),
* of both sexes (it seemed to be pretty equally distributed),
* of all abilities (from developmental swimmers who participated in 10m walks across the shallow end to swimmers who swim on their high school swim teams to those who have been to the World Games) and
* of all mental capacities (from swimmers who initiated and then lead entire conversations with me and other volunteers to swimmers who had a hard time forming even basic words).

By 1pm, I thought the highlight of my day was Justin; a young man who was participating in the developmental swimming events. After getting his flotation belt on him (and laughing with him as we realized that it was really cold from being in the pool previously) his coach and I helped him into the pool. Although he was non-speaking, he was obviously nervous. Justin was to swim in lane 3 - the lane furthest from the wall – and getting him down to the right area was almost a 10-minute event. Once in the pool, I spent five minutes on my knees at the edge of the pool encouraging him to move towards me. He used the wall, and it took 10-times longer than it would have taken a fully mentally developed person, but the intense feeling of pride I had in him when he made it to the third piece of blue tape was better than anything I had felt in a long time. The second time Justin got into the pool, he was obviously more comfortable and moved down to his lane in no time. After he collected his awards, I was excited to find him and tell him how proud of him I was. It was really an amazing feeling.

Soon after spending my time with Justin, I met Sarah. Sarah was in two of my escort rows (I spent the day escorting the swimmers from the bullpen to the starting blocks) early in the afternoon and was a quiet girl worried about her diabetes. She told me about her low blood sugar level and how she had dealt with it at a previous swim meet and was worried that it would happen again. I encouraged her to try one lap and if she felt poorly that she should get out. She ended up winning a medal for that race and came back to swim again. After two races, she had a bit of a break before her relay race and so she sat near me and we chatted. Sarah is not only diabetic (two shots of insulin in the morning and evening), she’s a leukemia survivor (five years of remission) and she has a pretty severe mental disability. Once Sarah warmed up to me, she didn’t stop talking. I so much enjoyed talking to her that I was sad she left and I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye. I am hoping to see her at the state meet and be able to talk to her more.

Volunteering is good for the soul, and volunteering with Special Olympics definitely made my soul feel better, and now I have something absolutely positive to think about every time I let myself get down.

mental & emotional health, discussion autism, Special Olympics of Oregon, swimming, swim meet

Today was the first day of school. It was a little overwhelming time-wise on top of being brand new everywhere else. I have class on Mondays from 11:30am-6:30pm with a two-hour break in between the 2nd and 3rd class. Today I couldn’t be as productive as I wanted because a) I didn’t actually have two hours, and b) I couldn’t get online because I didn’t get all my stuff taken care of like I thought I would. Tomorrow I have a one-hour break (10-11am) and am going to try to get my student ID made as well as my ODIN (email) account secured. This will help me with future time management issues I may have. I’m really sure you all care to know what I’m doing on my “lunch” break tomorrow. *shakes her head* Sometimes I wonder about my own self.

It’s 9pm and I’m only future-posting by 11 hours. That’s rare for me. I wanted to use my two hour break to get some posts ready for the rest of the week, but that didn’t happen. I now write for two 451Press blogs, and while I am thoroughly enjoying it, time management wasn’t something I had to worry about before school started. I could write at work, I could write at home in the afternoon/evenings and I could get everything done and still have plenty of time. Learning about 451Press’ new payout schedule today (fellow 451 writers, isn’t it exciting?)

Tonight I had to get home (traffic in downtown Portland at 6:30pm is not fun) and then take care of a financial issue (just writing a letter) and then I had to do homework! Homework! For the first time in a year (I did take a class last fall, but it’s been THREE years since I had to write a paper!) I had homework. I’m spending tomorrow evening away from the house and so I wouldn’t have had time to write it then, so I tackled it tonight.

So, I need to re-learn how to manage my own time. I’ve been successful in the past with it, and hope that eventually I’ll slide back into an old routine, but today it’s been quite overwhelming. Eventually I’ll find a place to sit for two hours during my breaks and either do homework or future-post. Hopefully. Maybe.

After I write my other article tonight I’m hoping to do a little time-management “research” to see if I can’t find some great (and some silly, perhaps!) pieces of advice for the rest of you struggling to find enough hours in your day to get everything done!

[tags]mental & emotional health, 451 press, eating disorder talk, life as a Christian woman, depression talk online, time management, Portland State University, education, school, back to school, writing[tags]

I read a lot of blogs. I read health blogs, mom-blogs, photography blogs, fact blogs and every kind of blog in-between! I had a relaxing weekend where I was finally able to catch up on ALL of my blogs and found some that I wanted to pass on to my readers! Enjoy, follow the links, leave them comments and let me know what you think!

This post at Eating Disorder Talk made me stop, pause, and then re-read. “Heidi is a 25-year old girl. She allowed me to interview her and this two-part series is the result of her honesty and candidness. Today, I’ll cover what led her to present day’s habits. “

Depression Talk Online has a good entry about giving up her security blanket. She has been very candid in her feelings on giving up alcohol and I commend her effort and have faith that she’ll be able to do exactly what she wants.

I have written about Master of Irony beforehand, but lately her entries have been really moving me. MOI has recently taken the steps to get on disability and writes about her medication switch. She also has been playing with her blog layout which is always fun to see!

I’m a new reader to Life Tips Daily but am enjoying (and sometimes laughing) at the entries posted there!

Get Incensed sometimes makes me laugh (especially on Fridays) and sometimes makes me think, and sometimes just really makes me get incensed!

Later on in the week Diana, of Somebody Heal Me will be more fully featured, so I’ll keep it simple here; Di inspires me to take care of myself. She struggles to put herself first even when she’s hurting badly. I do the same.

Amalah’s latest entry What We Do When We’re Not Making Fun of the Dog was just another on the long list of entries that she writes that make me laugh. I consider her part of the cool crowd of blogging women and so I probably don’t comment there as often as I should, but she rarely fails to make me laugh!

Another blog that always makes me laugh is I Can Has Cheezburger. Seriously. Funny.

What do you regularly read that you think I should check out?

After a lengthy email, April featured me at Life as A Christian Woman. Go check it out (if you want to know more about me) and leave April a comment - she deserves it!

mental & emotional health, life as a christian woman, salvation story, featured blog, guest writer

Welcome back to my interview with Terra Atrill! Today we concentrate more on her specific illnesses and what she does to counteract some of the issues that they can create in her life!

**Are you currently taking any medications for your afflictions (OCD, ADD & cyclothymia)? If so, would you mind sharing which ones? If not, how do you cope when you have an episode?
I’m not currently on medication - I went off a cocktail of Lithium, Effexor, Seroquel & Clonazepam when I found out I was pregnant. Cyclothymia is a largely manageable condition - it’s about knowing what words for you and doesn’t and not pushing the envelope too far. Which reminds me of all of my marble entries! For example, monotony is BAD for me but also soothing to a point, so if there’s a horribly monotonous thing I need to do, I’ll break it into segments of time. I have learned to, for some amount of time, allow myself to just … do nothing or do everything, depending on what the mood entails. I usually feel guilty or selfish or some other form of negative emotion for “giving in” such as in cases of unwise spending, but usually it feeds the monster little bites so it’s not starving and willing to eat a whole village, if you know what I mean. I absolutely understand, I deal with that guilt with regards to taking care of myself vs. taking care of everyone else’s needs. I hate it but I love it. It makes me an incredibly compassionate person, but I also frequently get told that I’m too nice for my own good. I struggle with who to put first in a lot of situations. I am learning though!

**Tell me about an experience (best, worst, whatever) with medicating your illnesses.
This is not a good story. During my psychotic break, I was taking Celexa, Wellbutrin & Ativan. I ended up hallucinating & experiencing voices talking to me in addition to being extremely suicidal, which lead me to think that if I just WALKED aimlessly at 2am in the West End, my head would clear. Walking around, I was paranoid & angry, thinking that all of the men on the street were planning to attack & rape me, leading me to challenge one of the local homeless mental men to a fight (which I ran away from). I ended up in the local emergency room where they prescribed me more ativan. After an hour of pacing the small room I was confined to and thinking the staff was plotting to kidnap me, they quadrupled my normal dose of ativan and sent me home with extras … which I promptly broke up & snorted with some cocaine, leading me to sleep for the first time in three days. Wow, a bum fight and cocaine … your first sentence was right.

**You’ve mentioned before that you have OCD, what are you obessessive/compulsive about? Does this get in the way of your daily life sometimes?
I’m a constant organizer and cleaner. (Welcome at my house anytime!!) Which is hard, at best, with a willful toddler, a cat & hardwood floors in a smaller one-bedroom apartment. I find myself endlessly sweeping (up to 8 times a day) (wow, I’ve swept once since I moved 3 months ago!) and mopping (to the point of moving furniture) (I haven’t ever mopped my new place) at least three times weekly. This gets in the way of personal hygiene (that showering deal, again - especially since if I take a shower or bath I’m compelled to clean the bathroom afterwards, which I don’t have time to do, so I will tend to just skip it).

**You’ve also mentioned your ADD; how do you get stuff done, take care of your daughter, keep food cooking for her AND finish this interview if your brain is all over the place?
The ADD is only a factor when under stress - which lately I constantly am. I find using lists and requiring myself to complete a minimum number of things on the “to do” list even at the cost of sleeping, eating or showering to help. My daughter’s health and welfare come first, so in the instance of say cooking, if I’m having a rough time, I will choose to make things for her that, though are still healthy, expend a minimum of energy to get on the table (instead of pork chops, mashed potatoes & steamed veggies, I’ll make a peanut butter sandwich, cooked baby carrots (which are constantly stocked in my fridge), a yoghurt and a banana). It’s still balanced but required little to no preparation, therefore little to no concentration. That was a great example. Thank you!

**You can cure all but one of your afflictions, which one do you live the rest of your life with and why?
I’m most comfortable with my OCD. I don’t see it as a hindrance for the most part, it really just leads to a tidier lifestyle.

**When you’ve had a particularly bad day, how do you safely express those frustrations & feelings? What about a particularly great day?
I blog, walk, crochet, or sometimes just veg out with a movie. I have a few close, good friends who I can call, MSN (you have MSN? Let’s use that rather than Google chat next time!) email & I find that since I’m such an open person, catharsis tends to beget relaxation. With regards to the particularly great day, it’s the same as the tough day. I reward myself with a walk, take Zoe for an extra-special treat or adventure, talk to those friends about how great everything is going, write, generally try to focus on how wonderful things can be and be thankful it was a good day. I love that you treat Zoe to something extra-special when you’ve been feeling great.

**What would be your advice to someone who feels like they’re struggling with OCD, ADD or cyclothymia?
As a rule, I’m a self-educator. I think reading before being diagnosed is a double-edged sword since a lot of people will look for symptoms after reading about a condition. Alternatively, if you can remain remote & unbiased, in my experience, it helps doctors when you go in with an educated opinion - at the least to be able to answer their questions effectively.

**Where do you realistically see yourself in five years? Zoe will be 6, in school full-time and you’ll be doing what?
My personal goals for the future include:
*writing for a few more websites
*seeking publishing for a book based on things single parents do right
*a memoir-style fictional book
*building my administration business to the point of hiring people to do work & mainly managing that
*going back to school to finish my undergraduate degree when Zoe goes to kindergarten
*and starting graduate school when she is heading into second grade
*being able to be entirely financial independent: of child & spousal support, government funding, etc. as well as having healthy, manageable debts and a credit card without anyone’s help
*becoming more self-accepting and like “I can do this” whatever this is without total personal implosion. I would like to figure out how to take time for myself without feeling selfish, as though I’m taking something from Zoe

I’d like to take a moment to thank Terra for her time and her thorough answers to my mundane questions. I’d also like to wish her HEAPS and piles of luck and motivation in getting her list of goals accomplished in the next fives years. I hope I’m able to check back then and we can cross everything off the list! I enjoyed getting to know you better and believe that we have started forming a friendship that will last. Back to the discussion we had about similar people being magnetized towards one another!

*shouts* THANK YOU TERRA!!!

Mental & Emotional Health, Eating Disorder Talk, Terra Atrill, OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder, ADD, ADHD, adult ADD, attention deficit disorder, cooking, parenting a toddler, blogging, talking, self-educating, doctor diagnoses, personal goals, in the future, writing, single parenting, memoirs, administration business, back to school, undergraduate school, graduate school, financial independence, success, Lithium, Effexor, Seroquel, Clonazepam, Celexa, WellButrin, Ativan, bum fights, homeless, cocaine, medication stories

Last week I had the great opportunity to talk to Terra, of Eating Disorder Talk and I felt like we instantly bonded. After a late evening of LOLing together (it’s a new word, get used to it), I realized that she’d be a perfect person to be my first featured interview of Mental & Emotional Health fame! (Because I’m sure it’ll be my interview that makes Terra famous. *nods like she really believes herself*

I came up with some questions, some random, some not so random that I posed to Terra and off we went! (My own notes mid-conversation are in italics!)

**If you had 24-hours to do with absolutely as you please, resources (financial/babysitting/etc) not being an object, what would you do?
I would do as any mom and take a long bubble bath … after having a few rounds of spontaenous daytime sex … maybe with a 20-year-old? Oh how this made me laugh! I’d shop at a leisurely pace, do some yoga on the beach two blocks from my house, cook and eat an insanely spicy meal (want to invite me over then?), drink to excess (but not too much so), go out to the movies (maybe even alone!), clean my house from top to bottom, and organize my filing system and photo albums. Then maybe I’ll look for a 30-year-old. hehehe

Already Terra had me laughing, and so I had to continue!

**What is your all-time favorite song? And don’t give me any of that “I-can’t-pick-just-one” bull, pick one!
ALL TIME FAVOURITE: (damned Canadians spelling their words with “u”’s!) At Last - Etta James (though I also adore covers done by Christina Aguilera & Cyndi Lauper. Gloomy Sunday (originally done by Seress in 1933 - geeze, this song has an interesting background, Terra) covered by Sarah McLachlan. (I am going to have to find a copy of this song and listen to it. I’m totally intrigued by the background!)

**Tell me a little more about yourself; what you do for a living, what do you like to do in your spare time, boxers or briefs, that sort of stuff!
I am a stay-at-home mom who is struggling to write for three websites (Eating Disorder Talk, From Manic To Mommy & Single Parenting on a Low Income ), maintain a neat & clean home, raise my 13-month-old (virtually alone), work from home as an admin-assistant/bookkeeper, keep my eating disorder in check, shower regularly (who has the time?) and maintain a healthy sex life (this is normally the inspiration for showering). LOL When I have spare time, or if I’m avoiding responsibilities as I do when I’m MAXED out on overwhelmtion (I love that word!) , I write, crochet, organize, make lists, read, sing to female artists (likely, badly), and clean. Sometimes I even bathe when there’s no reason to, “just cuz I can.” Oh, and I prefer old-old school, plaid, cotton boxers. None of that boxer brief crap for me - only two men look good in those: Mark Wahlberg & Ashton Kutcher. I absolutely agree with that. Also, I’m a natural red-head and my eyes change colour with moods (as do my daughter’s my mom’s & all three of my sisters’ - I call them witchy eyes). Neat!

**Now onto “afflictions” (I really doing like calling them illnesses, so bear with the word for a bit) what do you currently live with?
I currently have mild cases of cyclothymia, attention deficit disorder, & obsessive-compulsive disorder. They are heightened by stress but often managed via behaviour during stressed moments. This is where, if I had been interview Terra in person, I would have just stared at her … completely confused. Run that by me one more time? On some level, they take care of each other in that my ADD causes me to lose focus on 12 tasks simultaneously and my OCD leads me to order & clean things (and count, but anyways) and the cyclothymia leads me to cycle between exhaustion (which makes sense for my lifestyle) and hypomania … meaning:

When I get stressed, I go through a hypomanic phase and clean a little bit of everything!

I will get distracted from that main cleaning task; say I’ll be doing dishes, but decide mid-way to throw the towel into the laundry, I’ll then sort the laundry to be washed after Zoe goes to bed. I’ll move the sorted laundry in baskets to the living room so it’s close by when the time is right, but in the living room I see something on the floor so I’ll sweep. I’ll pick up the laundry baskets, set them on the furniture until the floor is swept and notice something on the sheets (on the bed that serves as my living room furniture) so I’ll change the sheets ultimately causing me to resort the laundry. (I’m out of breath reading this and thinking about doing all those things in a span on ten minutes. I also have a very funny picture of you running around like a loon doing all this stuff!)

Point: I got some of the dishes washed, laundry sorted and maybe even done, floors cleaned up - and later I’ll go back to mop it, probably finishing the dishes and sweeping again.

All of this feeds the OCD which relaxes me, therefore making the ADD symptoms virtually nil. Most of the time.

**What have you lived with (but overcome?) in the past? Have they all been doctor diagnosed afflictions?
I was chronically depressed from the age of 11. This was exacerbated by the use of opiates. When I quit opiates, I got more depressed, feebly attempted suicide a few times (though my first attempt was prior to age 11). At 16, I was diagnosed as borderline schizophrenic, and at 19, major depression. I was first diagnosed as anorexic at age 12. At 23/24, I went through a psychotic break (also owing to drug use and severe fasting). I was diagnosed as full-spectrum personality disorder - meaning I kinda want to fit into a whole bunch of categories and the doctors couldn’t just PICK ONE. That was eventually downgraded to my current diagnosis.

If you’d like to learn more about Terra, come back tomorrow for the rest of our interview!

mental & emotional health, personal interviews, Eating Disorder Talk, Terra Atrill, dream day, favorite song, Etta James, Christina Aguilera, Cyndi Lauper, Sarah McLachlan, From Manic to Mommy, Hub Pages, mothering a toddler, writing, crocheting, organizing, list making, reading, singing, cleaning, Mark Wahlberg, Ashton Kutcher, cyclothymia, bi-polar disorder, attention deficit disorder, ADD, ADHD, adult ADD, obessesive-compulsive disorder, OCD, chronic depression, opiate use, suicide, attempted suicide, borderline schizophrenia, major depression, anorexia, anoretic, personality disorder

Environmental Talk - As a long-time New Yorker and someone who was living in Manhattan on September 11, 2001, today holds a special place in my memory and my heart.

Life As A Christian Woman - Flames filled the sky this morning.
An orphan stared, uncomprehending.
Chaos gripped the world this morning.
A widow cried out in anguish.

Jennifer Aniston Watch - On this sixth anniversary of one of the darkest days in U.S. history, it is a time to remember those we lost.

Lez Keep It Real - As most of you know, today is September 11th. I didn’t want to rehash the horror or sadness, but as I made my way into work this morning I couldn’t help but remember.

Pop Buzz UK - I was sat at home on the afternoon (British time) that it happened. My parents were away on holiday, and I also had a week off work to chill out and relax.

San Jose, CA - I was on a west bound train towards work when the radio announced that a plane crashed into Tower 1. I was shocked and all I could do was close my eyes and pray.

Retro-TV Blog - Today is a somber and sad day here in New York City. 6 years ago life changed forever when the World Trade Center fell and thousands died. Please take a moment today, wherever you are and say a prayer for those who were killed and those left behind, and tonight give your loved ones a hug and count your blessings!

Get Incensed - As someone who was living in New York City when 9/11 occurred, I found it somewhat surprising that the two most memorable columns I recall about that time period were written by humor writer Dave Barry.

451Press Authors: if you’ve written an entry and I’ve missed it (I haven’t looked at everyone’s blogs) leave me a comment and I’ll add you to this post.

mental & emotional health, 9/11, September 11th, memories, 451 Press, personal memories

Terra, of Eating Disorder Talk asked me about medication interactions for the recent question contest I ran. While her question was specific with regards to the types of medication she is taking/has taken for her cyclothymia, obsessive-compulsive & attention-deficit disorders, I am going to provide some resources for you that will help you check your own medication interaction risks.

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