Mental & Emotional Health

If you read Mom is Teaching, you know that I have a newly initiated kindergartener and I have been newly brought to the generation of "mom help me do my homework".  Wait, I’ve just now been brought to the idea of homework for kindergarten children and I can promise you, I don’t like it.  I’ve been reading a book by Sara Bennett and Nancy Kalish entitled, The Case Against Homework and I can tell you this, I can see myself getting active in this movement and quick. 

When I first started reading it my mind was on the fact that my child is only in kindergarten and he won’t have homework.I thought I would mark these ideas and strategies so I could use them later when homework piles up too high.  Then, the next thing I know…..my five-year-old is bringing home papers marked, "homework - please sign and return".  I almost hit the floor.

But, the place I would like to take you for this blog, Mental and Emotional Health has to do with the fact that parents are made to feel that this is as much their homework as it is the child’s.  I did my own homework through 12 years of school, 4 years of undergraduate and 2 years of graduate.  I don’t need to be re-learning that sounds, ba, ca, ja.  It is absurd.  So, after I thought about it a little, it was as if a brick hit me in the head.  Why is it that parents are expected to help their children with homework?  No, the real question is why do they have so much homework and why does a kindergarten child have homework, but that’s for another day on another blog.

My point here is this, I’ve been listening to parents for years discuss how much homework their child has and how it takes "them" (as in, the parent and the child) hours to do the homework at night.  And, immediately I think back to my own childhood.  I don’t remember my parents helping me at all unless it was an occasional quiz on  spelling words once in a while.  And, I do mean once in a while.

But, people, here is what is happening.  These kindergarten children are being sent home with homework that they can’t possibly do alone.  So, the parents have to sit down and help the child with the work.  For the coming months the child becomes more and more able to do the homework alone, but the parent still has to intervene to some degree.

First grade starts and the parent just picks up where he/she left off, sitting at the table fretting over the child’s homework.  And, if he/she doesn’t, the child doesn’t do it.  Why?  Because he/she is already dependent on mom/dad being right there to help them each step of the way.  So, it takes the child longer to finish.  And the next night, mom/dad decides it is just easier to help the kid.  Fast forward and the kid actually needs no assistance at all but not only is the child dependent on a parent to walk them through the steps, he/she has dance, baseball, football, cheerleading, etc and there is not enough time for the child to do anything outside of school AND get all of his homework done. Since he doesn’t get it done as quickly when mom/dad are sitting right there with him/her, it creates stress on the parents and the child.  And…. 

Now, look what has happened.  Mom/Dad is doing the homework so the child isn’t sitting up half the night doing it. How does this relate to mental and emotional health?

Well maybe it isn’t as clear to you but it relates in many ways.  The child is dependent on a parent who is already being pulled in many directions.  Emotionally the parent has all he/she can handle and doesn’t need an emotional breakdown by the child, thus we have a problem.  Mentally the child has become dependent on the parent to sit with him/her in order to get each and every step of the homework complete. 

Makes senses to me, how about yourself?  And, don’t even get me started on children who are medicated and the medication has worn off by the time the parent gets around to helping with homework. Or worse yet, did the kid need the medication in the first place.  I actually have some first hand knowledge on this one as well if you want to read about it here on Thursday of this week.

Discuss.