Mental & Emotional Health

Yes, I know, I’m still harping on the Ladies Home Journal but hey, I’m telling you, sitting in doctor’s offices for hours on end lends itself to …nothing but reading magazines.  So, here I am now, online, taking a quiz about my emotions.

Here’s the questions but you’ll have to go to the site and take the quiz for yourself to see how healthy your emotions are.

1. Your best friend is moving out of town for a new job. You’re happy for her, but you can’t stand the thought of not having her close by. You:
2. You have an important 9 a.m. meeting. You leave the house with plenty of time, but a freeway accident ties you up, and you realize you left your cell phone at home. When you arrive 15 minutes late, your boss humiliates at you in front of everyone before you get a chance to explain. You:
3. You’ve finally dragged yourself to the DMV to renew your driver’s license. You get there when the doors open, ask the information desk rep where to go and, after waiting for nearly two hours, find out you’ve been waiting in the wrong line. You:
4. You feel that you’ve been doing more than your fair share of housework. So after making dinner, you ask your husband if he’d please load the dishes. He tells you he’ll do it the next day before you get home from work, but when you get home, he’s on the couch, and the dishes are still in the sink. You:
5. Your computer at work runs on an old operating system and freezes up on you about once a day. While you’re working on a big project, it does it again, and you lose some of your work. You:
6. You’re running late to your friend’s surprise party. You make it just in time and find a parking spot right in front of the restaurant. Before you can pull in, a smaller car sneaks into the spot. You:
7. A position at work opens up that you’ve been dying to have. When you find out you got the job, you:
8. You’ve been working to lose weight for the past year. You weigh yourself before your workout with your personal trainer and find you’ve reached your goal weight. You:

And, my results:  I am an emotional pro.  What does that mean?  Well, it means you have to go take the quiz and see if you too are an emotional pro so you can read about it…..

Today my son got in trouble at school.  We’ve already punished him once when he got in trouble at school only to have his teacher later recant the story and say that she was wrong.  So, today, I ask my son more questions and I got more answers.  Apparently, it happened  and my son who has been taught not to argue with the teacher (adults in general) wouldn’t tell her what really happened.  He missed physical education (which is another ball of wax that upsets me all together) and from his story, I believe his teacher was wrong again.  We did not punish him at all. 

Now, his teacher has been great with him.  She has been very tolerate of the fact that the kid talks all the time.  She has worked with us.  I have no reason to blame her at all.  After all, it was me who taught my son that no matter what the teacher said he should respect her.  And, so, when she asked him if he did what the perpetrator said he did, he said no.  She asked him what the video camera in the room would show.  He then said that yes, he did do it. 

Wait, that’s too confusing.  My son took a piece of cheese off of another kid’s plate.  So, when she asked him if he did it, he said no.  Then, she asked him what the video camera would show.  So, he said, yes he did it.  She punished him. 

What he didn’t tell her was that the kid said he could have the cheese.  He didn’t tell her because apparently she didn’t ask and he has been told not to talk back or make excuses.  So, I didn’t punish him.  As a matter of fact, I cried when I learned the truth.

Later he said, "momma, you will always love me, even if I get a red bee (the worst possible color of bee that represents behavior) won’t you?"

I cried some more.

For someone who has suffered from depression for many many years, it is sometimes difficult to understand where physical health ends and depression begins and vice versa.  I happen to have a plethora of physical problems, none of which lent themselves to my original walk with depression.  Now, some 20 years later, I suspect that my lack of good health is as much a problem as the depression is. 

I have diabetes and I’m terribly over-weight.  (I just started walking on my treadmill for the first time every and I can do a whopping 6 minutes at a time).  I have a thyroid disorder which obviously doesn’t he the over-weight issue.  Throw in some sleep apnea, anxiety and depression and you can see where it is difficult to draw a beginning and ending line.

I fight a big fight every time I discuss this topic because the stigmatizes that come with depression lead one to feel it is a personal weakness.  It is most definitely not a sign of personal weakness to stand up and say, "something is wrong with me" and to get help.  Recent brain chemistry work shows that the nerve pathways and chemicals affecting moods and thought are definitely capable of causing symptoms of depression, including derailed sleep, suppressed appetite, agitation, exhaustion or apathy. 

Understanding depression isn’t that simply though.  Depression is fed by many other factors.  One in ten adults, about 19 million, will suffer from some form of depression.  And, these episodes most likely will occur in women.  So, this is another big point that I focus on:  women and depression.  Women simply find it easy to point fingers and call names when what we need is for someone to stand up for us and help us find someone who can lend help. 

Here’s an article in Ladies Home Journal with some of the same information and the place where my statistics came from.

I am putting you all on notice that my mental and emotional health is fine and I’ll be back for more mental and emotional information soon.  However, for now, I’m suffering from some serious sinus issues. 

I have deemed them the result of the changing weather, sheet rock dust and saw dust.  So, please bare with me, I’ll return as soon as I can breath good. 

And, if you come by and would like to guest post, please feel free to email me with your post and I will happily include it here while I’m out.

When I had my children, I was already under the care of a physician and a psychiatrist because I knew I had tendencies to get depressed.  I also have tendencies to be very happy.  And, 10 seconds later, very depressed.

And, having babies and messing with the hormones in your body, that’s all well and good, but if you haven’t lived it, you just don’t get it.

If you don’t believe me, go read Her Bad Mother, and I promise you will return with a light bulb moment, thanking writers like her for helping us through the hard times.

Cross posted everywhere I can find to cross post it!

Mom~E~Centric needs a dishwasher

Mental and Emotional Health

Marital Talk

Mom is Teaching

TV Boyfriends

The transition from one anti-depressant to another is never easy.  But, knowing that OCD tendencies are more than just a little overboard when untreated, I’ve tried to be let my family get by with as much as possible.  But, sometimes, well, many times, I blew my top over a misplaced shirt or watch or pencil.  It really shouldn’t be that way.  No one should be so obsessed.  But, I am.

The Prozac helps with those feelings a lot and the Cymbalta was as well.  But, the Prozac doesn’t seem to be pushing the button far and long because quite often I’m losing my cool.  Hopefully by the time I get back into the doctor (which I had last week and he wasn’t in), I will have a good feeling about whether to up the dose or keep pushing my luck with this low dose.

As for being reasonable….you will really just have to see this picture and realize that I haven’t even had one fit over any of it….

When I got to the doctor today for my visit to see about good ol’ Mr. Prozac, our doctor had called in sick.  UH?  What do you mean he called in sick?  Doctors can’t do that?  Can they?

So, until Monday, we will wait.  However, at the present time I have a headache the size of Montana.  Not that I’ve ever been to Montana, but it’s just how the saying goes.  Anyway, til Monday….we will see.

But, this headache?  Any one?  Ideas?

I’m still undecided as to whether I need a higher dose of Prozac but for now, I think I’m going to ask to continue on the present dose but get permission to up it before my next appointment if I think it is necessary.  One true test will be today when we have to rush after Wayne gets home for us to go run an errand, make it to our counseling appointment, we each see the psychiatrist and then we need to be at our son’s school by 6pm for parent visitation.

How I hold up under that will be an awesome test of the ol’ stand by Prozac.  I love that stuff.

I am in the throes of changing my medication, as I mentioned last week, from Cymbalta to Prozac and to be perfectly honest, it hasn’t been easy.  The first week wasn’t bad, the second week was horrible, last week was worse and now I seem to be perking up.  Last week I thought for certain that a higher dose was going to be necessary but thus far today, things to be much better. 

I don’t go to the doctor until Thursday and hopefully by then I will have an even better idea, but honestly, the dose is really small and it would be really nice to remain on this low of a dose. 

So, I’ll keep you posted.

I know that I have changed the blog format some and as of late I’ve spent a lot of time raging about my own’s public school experience.  But, I am trying to get back to the basics here which is "educating our children by whatever means necessary".

I want the blog to reflect all degree’s of teachers as well as learners.  So, with that, go vote for

Best Education Blog.

I don’t like the tone of voice that my husband and I are raising our children in.  I know, that sentence shouldn’t end with a preposition, but blah, this post may not have any punctuation.  I’m feeling very dumpy and guilty (the parental guilt kind) and I just need to get the words on paper.

When I read blogs of other parents and they discuss gushing details of their child(ren)’s lives, I catch myself wondering why I haven’t experienced that with my child.  For instance, I just read a woman that said every morning she asks her daughter, "what did you dream about last night?"  I’ve never done that.  It has never occurred to me to do that.  I have to slow down and live more.

Our days are more and more pushed for time and it makes me panicky and agitated when things don’t go as planned.  When I get panicky and agitated, the manner in which our children "hear" us changes.  Notice I am taking the blame for being the agitated one but my husband’s attitude changes when mine does.  And, sometimes, his changes on it’s own, but usually it’s mine.

Anyway, we are rushing through every day just trying to do this and do that and I can’t say when the last time we sat down and just enjoyed each other was.  Since we sold the daycare (which was suppose to open up so much family time for us), I’ve been trying to work from home via this little Internet’s and my mom helps with the boys.

Both boys prefer to be with her than with either of us.  She is tolerate.  We are not.  She gives them 100% of her attention, we do not.  And, as I lie in bed thinking about today (Friday), I was almost crushed in tears.  The waves of guilt came crashing down. 

What could I have done to prevent my 5.5 year old son from throwing a horrible fit in front of his classmates and being severely punished for it?  What could I have done to put a stop to the craziness instead of promoting it?

Why did we have to hurry this morning?  Why couldn’t he have just one more drink?  Why am I mad all the time?  Why is my husband mad all the time?

Add to that my own issues lately with the fact that our children are rude and disrespectful when they talk to adults and I realized, they are merely repeating what they hear.  I’ve mentioned this to my husband before and we both say we are gonna do better, but then, life gets out of control again, and the smart-alec words start to flow.  What they hear, is what comes out of our (me and Boy Genius’s) mouths.  It’s not filth or cursing or anything of that nature.  Just general lack of thank you and please, the yelling of uh’s and yeah’s and throw in the demands, "do it now" or "bring it to me right now" or "stop it or else" toss in a side of "it is none of your business" and you have one down right rude set of children.

I don’t like it.  We are going to change it.  The change has to be with my husband and I.  And, since I can’t change him, I am starting this change with myself.  I know lots of people would cut me some slack because I just changed anti-depressants and I’m sure the dosage is not right yet, plus the TMJ and the sinus and the back but…you know what, does any of that matter. 

Maybe all of that wouldn’t seem so bad if I would enjoy my children, live through their little lives and try to enjoy my own life more instead of running….running…..running….to no where, just come on, we have to go, we have to get here, there and back, now come on, let’s go, put your shoes on…no wonder things are tense. 

No one wants to live like that…not even a 3.75 year old boy that’s not potty trained and a 5.5 year old kindergartener who talks a lot.  Nobody!

I don’t know if it is just me but I think it is pretty much a universal thing but when I’m sick, even my adorable little cherubs make me want to gnaw my arm off.  Honestly, in this week alone I’ve had a raging TMJ issue, an even worse sinus issue and I spent 4 and a half hours in the neurologists office today.

I love my kids.  They are precious as pie, just like yours I’m sure.  But for some reason, this afternoon I’m threatening to run away from home.  They are welcome to stay here.  That’s not a problem, but me?  I’m going to mommy-boot-camp or something.

I do think that the level of medication is going to need to be adjusted but what I would really like to do is check into a mental ward and detox off of everything I take.  Then, from there, see if I need any medication at all.  Makes you wonder sometimes uh?

Especially when your skinnier-than-though, health-food-eating neurologist-freak of a doctor is preaching to you about brand name omega3 fish oil caplets versus generic ones.  That almost put over the edge.  I can’t imagine someone having so much knowledge in so many places.

Anyway, I hope I am back to a semi-healthy state for now.  Tomorrow I go to school to pain paper-bag pumpkins…wanna go?

The code is as follows

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The code is as follows

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The code is as follows

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Prozac….I love you